Tak and the Martian Armada
by BlueShift5
Summary: Tak takes on the Tallest in a battle to survive.
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own any of the characters from Invader Zim.**

**Tak takes on the Tallest in a battle for survival. Rated M for future violence and language.**

**Tak and the Martian Armada**

**Chapter 1: Prologue**

The sun finally began to rise over the desolate Martian landscape. Now there was at least light to work with. Three hundred million miles she had drifted out of control before smashing into this barren ball of rusted iron. The crash damaged the communication system, the gravi-drive, and the power generator. Whatever wasn't damaged in the crash had been torn to shreds by MiMi, her SIR unit, driven insane by a link-up with Zim's defective SIR, Gir. Fortunately, the crash site was near a defunct robotic crawler/probe that could possibly be used for parts.

Tak was angry at herself. Angry for failing to complete her mission, but most of all, for failing to destroy Zim. She could survive in the thin atmosphere of the planet, that was no problem. But without food and some power source, she wouldn't last very long here. Her escape pod had only the barest necessities for survival, so she stripped the probe of whatever she found useful. The solar panels were covered with an inch of dust, but would work fine once they were cleaned off. They were hooked up to a fairly primitive communication system that she was positive she could link to her damaged console and send a distress signal to the home planet, or any Irken ship close by. She could have contacted Zim, and beg for his help, but that was out of the question. The thought of him gloating over her defeat made her blood boil. No, she would leave him out of this, and if the opportunity ever arose, kill him herself without a second thought. Things, however, looked quite bleak for her.

It is mid-afternoon by the time Tak had thrown together a makeshift communications system, and was ready to send out her first message. She had managed to increase the power output of the solar panels by five hundred percent, but it was just barely enough to get her call for help sent.

_Request assistance. Ship destroyed. Whereabouts unknown. Send help._ After several hours, a transmission came in from the home planet. It was from Tallest Red.

"Ah, Tak! You're still alive. Zim called and said he destroyed you, all by himself. It seems he was exaggerating as usual." he snickered.

"He had help from his Earth friends. He would never have been able to destroy me by himself!"

"Oh my. That is unsettling news. He has made 'friends' with the creatures he was sent to subjugate? Tsk tsk. Zim should be punished for that."

"Send me another ship, and I will make sure it gets done."

"Alas, poor Tak, we won't be sending you a rescue ship, let alone a fighter craft. We allowed you to go after Zim to get rid of him, but you failed. We cannot stomach failure. We had hoped you would get rid of each other." He spoke very condescendingly to her.

"What? But why?" Red sighed.

"Zim was a pest, and an idiot We sent him to Earth to get him out of our sight. His bumblings were an insult to the great Irken Empire. You were the ideal candidate to send after him, after all, you hated him immensely, and were deemed extremely intelligent and a fierce fighter to boot. Unfortunately, you are a female, plus you were growing taller at a very rapid rate." Tak was confused.

"What do those last two traits have to do with anything?"

"Well, as you know, Irken leaders are determined by height. Anyone who is anyone on Irk, is among the tallest on the planet. By our standards, you were growing taller and taller, and it seems you will probably surpass us in height in the near future. Plus you're a female. We have not had a true female leader since the last queen died two thousand years ago, at the very beginnings of the Empire. We do not intend to have another."

"But we have had Tallest females before, why not a queen?"

"Because queens, and in fact, all females, had this nasty little habit of eating their mates' heads during courtship. After the last queen died, we males took over and, in the name of self-preservation, tried to breed the females of our species out of existence. It wasn't such a good idea, I must admit. We needed to keep females in the gene pool, but we did manage to reduce your numbers. That is why there are relatively few of you around. We now raise our young in cloning factories, and thus are able to control the amount of females that come into this world. The system has worked very nicely since then. There are a few aberrations that pop up now and again, and you are one of them. Purple and I are not willing to step down in case you should become taller than the both of us. Our problem will be solved if you die where you are now. We will not be sending you any rescue ship."

"But . . . I don't want to replace you, I just want to prove that I can be a good invader!"

"Ha ha ha! Zim is an idiot, yet you failed to kill him. Doesn't that make you a bigger idiot? That alone would seem to preclude you from becoming an invader!" Tak's initial confusion turned to anger.

"Why you . . .!"

"Oh spare me your indignations, please!" he sneered, "Just be a good little soldier, and die for the sake of the Empire. From the looks of your surroundings, you probably won't last more than a week. Maybe if you conserve your energy, you could last a month!" Tak flew into a rage.

"I will survive this, and when I do, I'll come back and . . . and . . .**EAT YOUR HEADS!**" Tallest Red began to prance around like a little girl.

"Ooooo! You know, that has sexual overtones for our kind! I'm getting excited just thinking about it! We males can live quite awhile without our heads as we continue to . . . copulate!"

"I won't just eat your head, you sick bastard, I'll cut off your legs so you can't call yourselves 'tallest' anymore!" Red immediately lost his mocking attitude.

**"What? What was that? What did you say?** Threatening to eat my head is one thing, but threatening to cut off my legs? That is the greatest threat any Irken can make to their leaders! It is a crime punishable by immediate death, and your body will be impaled in the Great Hall of Conventia as an example of impudence! I guess we will be sending a ship to you after all, but it will be crewed by our finest assassins. Won't you please try and stay alive till then? They should arrive at your beacon in a week. Enjoy your last few days of existence." _Transmission ended._

Tak sat there infuriated, but helpless, and smashed the console beacon with a rock. She had no weapons, and the escape pod did not have enough energy left to build a bomb to greet her future murderers.

The Martian sunset was well underway, and soon the temperature would drop to well below two hundred degrees Centigrade. She could survive the cold easily with her exo-suit, but what was the point. The killers would be here in seven days, and she would be taken back to Irk, dead or alive, and her body displayed in a most horrible fashion. She could try to hide, but without food, she would soon starve to death anyway. Besides, there was two inches of fine dust everywhere, and her tracks would be easy to follow. If only she had a jet pack. _A jet pack! Of course!_ The escape pod used compressed gas for manuevering in space. Tak could rig up a small booster pack to get around without leaving tracks. From there she could search the cliff sides for a cave to take refuge. The assassins would eventually find her, but she wasn't going to just roll over and let them take her without a fight.

She quickly set about removing the air cylinders, and put a make-shift rocket pack together. It wasn't pretty, but the lower gravity of the planet would make it work without much difficulty. There wasn't enough fuel left on the pod to make a decent explosion, but there was something else she could use. The canopy had four charges to blow the retaining bolts holding it down in case of emergency, but the canopy dislodged itself when the pod crashed, so the charges were never utilized. With those she could fashion a primitive, but lethally effective, weapon.

Tak gathered what she needed into a bag, then left to find a sanctuary among the cliffs. It was a bad idea. With hardly any atmosphere to speak of, the setting sun began to cast enormous shadows across the Red planet's landscape, blacker than the starlit sky, reaching across the plains like great fingers of pitch. The Irken girl turned back towards her wrecked pod before it was too late.

In the distance she could see a massive gash in the planet's surface slowly fill with a shadow so thick and black, it looked like she could walk across it. Just as the sun reached it's lowest angle, she caught the gleam of polished metal off the side of the canyon wall. It flashed for an instant before being engulfed by the darkness. She noted the approximate direction and distance. It could wait. For now, she would spend another night in the pod. Tomorrow she would investigate.

**The Assassins**

Tallest Red summoned his killer elite together. "Bring her back, alive preferrably, in pieces if you must, but bring her back." The mission leader spoke up.

"We will do as you command, my Tallness, but isn't a female unworthy of all this effort?" Red glowered at him.

"You four have all sworn to follow your orders to the death without question. This 'female' is not to be taken lightly. She is a skilled fighter in her own right, and trained in the most rigorous of survival techniques. I would just as soon let her rot on that dead planet, but she has pronounced the most foul, despicable threat against your leaders, and must be brought back for punishment. To let her get away with it would be most disturbing indeed, . . . almost as disturbing as you questioning my orders!" he grinned malevolently. "Kill him. Then select another leader from among yourselves."

As soon as Red had spoken the words, three swords pierced the commander, silently, and without any hesitation. His body had not yet hit the floor, but his former comrades had already vanished, and were on their way to Tak. Tallest Purple entered the room just as the body collapsed to the ground.

"Did I miss something?" he chortled.

"Just doing my part for overpopulation!" Red replied.

**End Chapter 1**

**A/N: I've always thought of the Irkens as insectoid, thereby the parallels with the praying mantis female, who often (but not always), devours her mate's head during mating. **

**There are probably some of you out there who will argue that Tallest Miyuki would be the last female leader, but Miyuki was set to appear on the episode titled "The Trial" which never aired because the series had already been cancelled. I don't believe she was mentioned in any episode prior to that, which essentially makes her non-canon.**

**The "great gash" in the planet's surface is a reference to the Valles Marineris, a somewhat mysterious, very large canyon-like beature on Mars, about six times deeper than the Grand Canyon, and nearly four thousand miles long. For you nit-pickers who want to point out that the Martian Rovers (Spirit and Opportunity) are nowhere near the canyon, kudos to you!**


	2. The Last Queen

**I do not own any of the characters from Invader Zim**

**A/N: Tak makes some very surprising discoveries.**

**Tak and the Martian Armada**

**Chapter 2: The Last Queen**

At first light Tak packed up her equipment and headed out towards the direction of the shining object she had seen at sunset. She took a squirt of an energy drink and a bite of an awful tasting, but nutritious, vitamin bar, the last bits of rations from her survival kit. Perhaps it was just an idle threat that she cursed to Tallest Red, but her hatred had now shifted from Zim, to the Irken Supreme Leader, and that was all she could think about for the time being.

It had taken her nearly six months to reach Earth in her modified spittle runner, but the assassins had a specially designed ship that could traverse the distance in a fraction of the time, using wormhole/teleportation technology. At least she still had a week to prepare for them. First she needed to find shelter, a sanctuary where she could defend herself if she was discovered, or a place she could hide out if she wasn't.

Her rocket pack began to sputter halfway to her destination, so she pulled off into a cavern to remove the spent cylinders before continuing on. She was not alone. There was a distinct sound of many tiny legs in the darkness, although she could not see anything. It was best not to linger much longer, so Tak hurriedly hid the empty cylinders and blasted off. The gust of air seemed to have discouraged whatever was coming out, and Tak never saw what it was. Maybe there were more of them in other caves. An indigenous lifeform apparently still wandered this planet. Perhaps there were others that inhabited the dark recesses of this world she was trapped on. As she flew off, she looked down at a sight that made her blood run cold. Her boots were covered in cobwebs.

Spiders. All Irkens hated spiders. A hatred borne of an irrational fear, ingrained into the very fiber of their being since primordial times. This was the mythological "bogeyman" of Irk, the stories that were told to young smeets who misbehaved. For all their power and knowledge, the Irkens were terrified of them, so much so that when it became possible, all spiders were exterminated from the planet. But the fear still persisted. It was an instinctive fear, one that was very difficult to control. With no more spiders on Irk, Tak thought the phobia would have died out when the last one was killed thousands of years ago. Evidently not. She found herself trembling uncontrollably at the thought that there might be many more of these creatures inhabiting the very caves in which she hoped to find refuge.

The female Irken was still shaking as she approached the spot where she had seen the flash of light the previous day. What she found surprised her, and made her forget all about the spiders. There, imbedded into the side of the cliff, was a gigantic spacecraft, the likes of which she had never seen before. Far below it, at the bottom of the vast canyon, she could see the wreckage of hundreds, perhaps thousands of smaller craft. A junkyard of destroyed fighters, slowly being covered by dust and crumbling rocks.

The huge spaceship looked gunmetal blue, probably charred from laser fire, or from a scorching entry into the planet's atmosphere. It was a good five hundred meters in length. She couldn't tell it's width, for only a small portion protruded from the canyon wall. It had crashed into the cliff sideways, perhaps a battle tactic which revealed a formidable array of weaponry on it's exposed side. Clearly a warship bigger than any on Irk. Maybe there were usable weapons still inside.

Considering how it was wedged into the cliff face, there was relatively little damage, none of the crumpling of the outer hull that one would expect to see from a crash of this magnitude. The ship must have blasted a pocket into the rocks, then jammed itself in to make a final stand. What a magnificent strategy. Encased in stone, the warship was now an impregnable fortress, with no approach from top or bottom. The attackers, whoever they were, would be forced to make a direct assault into the face of the ship's main batteries. The mass of destroyed fighters at the bottom of the canyon could attest to the success of the maneuver. But who were these people, and the enemies they fought against? Tak searched the ship to find a way in.

**Kali the Black**

A direct hit from a missle or torpedo had disabled the battle cruiser's main thruster. She couldn't run, therefore decided to make a stand, and fight. The strategy must have worked because damage from weapon fire was minimal, but with the loss of the main engine, the ship was hopelessly stuck. Perhaps the occupants were rescued by their comrades after what must have been a grueling battle, then again, maybe not. Tak saluted them in a moment of silence, then proceeded to search for an opening.

She set down on the wing of the huge warship and found a porthole. It was pitch black inside and it was useless to try to look. A bit further up was the main entry, and a glyph on one side which appeared to be a form of language unrecognizable to her. There was another symbol, however, that was familiar, and she gasped when she saw it. The symbol of the Irken Supreme Leader. She took another look at the glyph, and saw there was more writing below it. The ship was from Irk.

Tak turned her jet pack on it to blow the soot and dust away. Beneath the layer of dust was an old form of her language, no longer in use. _Kali the Black,_ it read. She placed a hand over her mouth. The girl stepped back, dropped to one knee, and bowed her head. The name she remembered from the history books: Kali. _Kali the Black. Kali the Supreme. Kali the Devourer. Kali . . . the last queen of Irk._

It was written that Kali was the one who united the warring factions of their planet, laid the foundations for the beginnings of the Empire, and had acquired legendary status. Unlike the later rulers of the planet, she was a wise and conscientious leader, who did much to improve conditions for the citizens of Irk. She had a penchant for having had many husbands, twenty at the last count, thus the "Devourer" moniker, and she was a brave and fearless fighter, often leading her forces into battle against would be invaders from other star systems. She was also a curious soul who frequently led expeditions to far flung systems to satisfy this curiosity of her's. She had left on one of her explorations to some distant world, and was never seen again.

What became of her was subject to great speculation, and many conspiracy theories arose because of the fact that the new leaders refused to send out a search party. A waste of time and money they had said, and placed the blame on her for her own demise. This became one of the reasons, in modern times, for the Irkens to willingly go out and conquer new planets, in hope, perhaps, of finding out what became of their missing queen.

Tak was now hesitant to enter. If Kali was still in there, then this ship was her tomb. She bowed her head in reverence. "Forgive me, my Queen," she said solemnly, "but I'm in desperate need of help."

The four explosive charges she carried in her bag were of no use against the heavy armor of the hull, but she could enter through the service hatch located within the thrust chambers. The missle strike into the main thruster surely would have blown open a service door or two. She could get in through those as long as the blast doors beyond them were still operable.

As Tak threaded her way through the shredded metal, she kept a wary eye open for spiders. Quetz, they called them on Irk. It meant "skitterer", the ones that hid in the dark places. And it was very dark, in the place where she now stood.

She lit a flare, as she could not afford to waste her power pack on a lamp. At her feet lay a half-dozen robots, Imperial Escort Units, the Queen's personal bodyguards. They had fought to the very end, and must have been successful, as the blast doors had not been breached. Tak stepped over them, making her way to a control panel near the doors.

She opened up the panel and prepared to do a by-pass using her portable power generator. To her relief, the doors slid apart, but to her horror, a pair of glaring red eyes peered back at her from within the darkness. An Imperial Escort, still active after all this time, rushed out at her, a destructor ray built into his arm, pointed menacingly in her direction. Tak stumbled backwards, tripping over the fallen guardians, and fell to the floor.

"Don't shoot! I'm Irken!" she cried out. The guard stopped for a moment.

"Irk-ken?" He seemed not to understand her speech pattern. "Friend or foe?" he responded in the archaic language of Irk. This time it was Tak's turn to be confused.

"I said I'm Irken!" she repeated. The guard held his fire.

"What province?" Tak struggled to understand him. She had a workable knowledge of old Irk, but the robot appeared to have a provincial accent, from a time when the planet was not yet unified. Irk was originally made up of warring provinces, and each were known by their own names. She couldn't remember where she had originated from, so she said the first name that came to mind.

"Uh . . . M-Mountain?" The robot's destructor ray began to charge.

"Die." he said.

Tak remained unflinching, determined to face her death bravely, but the guard's weapon began to falter as the last bit of energy required to sustain both guard and gun, was insufficient. The robot collapsed to the floor, unable to take the shot and stand at the same time. Two thousand years of inactivity had taken its toll on his power cells.

The Irken girl jumped up, and removed the weapon from his arm. She disabled his motor functions, and breathed a sigh of relief. Before she went any further into the ship, there were some questions she needed to ask the IE. She hooked up her power cell to the robot to give his speech center a boost, and mustered up what she could remember of the old language.

"Why did you attack me even though I told you I was Irken?"

"You said you were from Mountain Province. Your forces and your allies ambushed us on our return trip to the home planet."

"Wait. I couldn't understand what you were saying, and said the first word that came to mind. I originated from what used to be known as Ocean. The old leaders did away with provincial designations long ago. You have been stranded on this planet for the past two thousand years."

"Then I apologize for attacking you. Ocean Province was one of the Queen's staunchest allies."

Tak's eyes slowly grew wide, then narrowed as a realization struck her.

"You attacked me because you thought I was an enemy?"

"Yes."

"Then, all those wrecked ships at the bottom of the gorge are . . . ?"

"From Irk also. From the Mountain and River clans. Apparently they were dissatisfied with their lot after the unification, and mounted a coup. They sent a large force to try and assassinate Queen Kali, but they failed. We sent distress calls to Irk, but they were intercepted, and ignored. No one ever came to look for us, so in essence, they succeeded in taking control of the home world. We were marooned here."

"And the queen? What became of her? Is she still in . . . ?" her voice trailed off, as if not wanting to hear the answer.

"Shortly after the final battle, she took a hundred guardians and a small number of SIR units into the caves. She ordered twenty of us to stay and defend the ship in case of another attack. She had been badly injured in the fight, and looked like she would not survive. We never saw her again."

"You never went to look for her?"

"She had given us our orders. We were bound to obey. Sometime later, however, the cargo bay doors opened, and a number of tunneling machines and other equipment were removed. The monitors showed them being taken off by the other IE's so no further action was deemed necessary. That was the last we ever saw any of them."

"Does this ship still have power?"

"We maintain it regularly, so yes. As automatons, we do not need light or life-support, so power is generally kept off until needed."

Tak smiled. She now had an Imperial battle cruiser at her disposal. Those assassins would be in for a big surprise.

**End Chapter Two**

**A/N: Environmentalist like to point out that more people die from bee stings than shark attacks, yet we still have this blind, irrational fear of sharks. True that more people die from bee stings due to allergic reaction, but there is something to be said about that. A bee will not take a chunk out of you, swish your flesh around in its mouth and say "Oops! My bad!" A shark, if it likes the taste, may come back for more! Similarly, the Irken fear of spiders may be due to a prehistoric past where spiders were the dominant lifeform, and fed on the little tiny creatures that eventually evolved into the modern Irken. It all comes down to the fact that being devoured by another creature is considered a most horrible way to go, no matter what species you are.**

**I imagine Irken spiders used to be very large, very venomous, and very dangerous.**

**And yes, I named the Queen after the Hindu goddess, hinting that she was on Earth at one time, probably exploring, and left an impression on Hindu culture. She is called "The Black" not because of a darker nature, but because of the province she came from.**

**Tak finding the Queen's name plate on the ship would be akin to finding a plane with Amelia Earhart's name written somewhere on it.**


	3. Chapter 3 The New Queen

**I do not own any of the characters from Invader Zim**

**A/N: Tak becomes queen whether she likes it or not.**

**Tak and the Martian Armada**

**Chapter Three: The New Queen**

"Are there any SIR units still on board? I will need a little helper."

"There are, but they have been deactivated."

"Then I'm going to reprogram you. The queen is no longer here, and you need a new master. I will be that new master."

"A logical conclusion," said the IE, "I have no objections."

"I will recharge your power cells if you can tell me how to power up the ship."

The IE gave her instructions and codes to restart the generators. Soon the ship had lights, and the smell of fresh, clean air began to circulate. Tak drew in several deep breaths, and sat in a gunner's seat to take advantage of some down time. The Martian atmosphere consisted of mostly carbon dioxide, and the pak she carried on her back could alter it so she could breathe. Irk had a similar mix, with 75% carbon dioxide due to heavy pollution of the atmosphere from uncontrolled industrialization, and their bodies had adapted to it. The air in the ship was much different. There seemed to be much more oxygen here than she was accustomed to, even more than on Earth. She felt dizzy and closed her eyes. Very soon she fell asleep.

Her little nap took three hours, but she awoke feeling as if she slept for three days. The increase in oxygen gave her system a refreshing boost, but now she was famished. Her stomach squeaked and gurgled as she replaced the batteries into the IE unit.

"Is there anything to eat on this ship?"

"Perhaps in the galley, but after two thousand years I doubt any of it will still be edible. If you prefer, I can synthesize some vitamin bars for you. They would be bland and tasteless, but they will sustain you." Tak sighed and resigned herself to more of the same. As much as she had come to dislike them, they were quite filling.

"Is that what Queen Kali ate, also?"

"The Queen prided herself in eating whatever was available, and did not complain at all. When visiting other worlds, she tried everything that was exotic or mundane. She was as much an explorer as she was a ruler. She was particularly fond of a fruit that we found growing here on this planet. If she liked it, maybe you would enjoy it as well."

"It sounds interesting, but for now I'm too hungry to care. I will be satisfied with vitamin bars for the time being."

Tak munched on her bars as she continued reprogramming the remaining IE units. She named that first IE, "Haze" as his frontal chestplate looked like it had taken a glancing hit from a plasma rifle, and would no longer take a polish. He was placed in charge of the surviving guardians as each was brought back to full power. The female Irken was now their new queen and their job was to defend her at all cost. There was nothing Tak could do about that aspect of their programming. It was built into their operating system to prevent a hostile takeover. They would self-destruct if they were not assigned to another queen. She was now queen by default.

Haze began to instruct her in the operation of the weapons systems of the ship. Kali was a warrior as well as queen, and was also familiar with the battle stations. Tak would be no different. The system was strange to her, as was the variety of weapons at her fingertips. Literally. The robot guards plugged their fingertips into ports on the weapons panels, and multiple monitors were able to track twenty-five enemy craft at the same time. The Queen's control panel was similar, but outfitted for use by non-mechs. Her role was basically to support the guardians' fire by immobilizing enemy spacecraft with tractor beams, drawing them in and holding them for destruction by blaster fire. A veritable shooting gallery where the targets were held up directly in front of the big guns. She liked that.

If there was anything that could use improvement, it was the missles. The explosive charges had solidified in the warhead over the course of two thousand years and were useless. They were still potentially dangerous and so had to be handled with care. A new type of explosive would have to be found. They were armor piercing savat missles that could be hollowed out and reused. It wasn't important at the moment as Tallest Red probably sent a single ship to get her, and if that was the case, Tak had little to worry about.

She did want a fighter of her own, though, and convinced Haze to go down to the canyon floor with her and see what they could salvage. It was nearly six miles, straight to the bottom, so the IE suggested using one of the cruiser's tractor beams to lower a team down.

After the battle, whatever survivors there were from the ambush party, took off back to Irk, and left the dying and wounded where they fell. This pile of rubble was basically a burial mound. There was really nothing left that was usable. Even destroyer class warships, when held up at point blank range in front of quad pulse cannon arrays, were pulverized into molten globules. The Imperial battle cruiser also had powerful tractor beams with an incredible reach. Those pilots who thought themselves safe at ten kilometers were sadly mistaken. The IE's counted four ships that were still able to leave the system after the battle. An ambush force of over a thousand ships had ended up a scrap heap on the floor of a Martian canyon. Haze signaled the ship to return them topside.

"I'm sorry your Highness, there is nothing salvageable." Tak sighed.

"Didn't you have a squadron of escorts with you?"

"Our escorts were taken by surprise. They saw the Irken insignias on the other ships and did not fire until it was too late. They were quickly destroyed." Tak tapped on her chin.

"Then, would it be possible to repair this cruiser?"

"It is possible. The main engine, however, is damaged beyond repair. The two outboard engines can work, but we will not have the speed we did before the battle. We were never given orders to repair it, only to defend it. We maintained the ship all these centuries to keep the weapons in firing condition."

"Then I shall give the order to get this ship flying again." Haze bowed slightly.

"Yes, my Queen." He stopped for a moment, as if sensing something not right. "If I may I ask, what is that round object on your back? It appears to be sending out coded messages somewhere."

Tak groaned, then gnashed her teeth. The Control Brains kept track of all Irkens through their PAKs. Even now, they knew exactly where she was.

There was no getting around them. To remove a PAK for longer than ten minutes meant certain death to it's owner. It circulated blood, processed air and was connected to their spinal column. It served also as an auxiliary brain, retaining such things as memories and information. It was clumsy, inconvenient, and uncomfortable at times, causing them to walk hunched over, but necessary for her survival.

"I cannot remove it. It must remain. Is there a way to disable the transmitter?"

"I am sure we can do it. It appears to be Vortian in design. They are our allies, and we have exchanged information and technology on many occassions. I will have the ship's main computer analyze it and make recommendations." Tak frowned.

It was the Vortians who designed practically all Irken technology, but were betrayed by Red and Purple after they had designed and built the Massive, the flagship of the Irken armada. Their homeworld was overrun by an army of Megadoomers, and the populace enslaved. Their top scientists had foreseen the treachery, but the Vortian High Council dismissed the accusations, reminding them of the long history of cooperation between the two. Many fled the planet just before the arrival of the invasion force, and scattered themselves throughout the galaxy. The Vortians also designed the Control Brains and the PAKs. The Irkens themselves never suspected the devices were little more than very long leashes.

**Dissent**

Three days out of Irk, the remaining assassins went about with their duties. The Control Brains fed them data on Tak's coordinates, but little else. They maintained silence, not speaking to each other at all, but they were near the halfway point and had yet to select a new mission leader. Now was the time.

"Damn that Red . . .!" one of them began to speak. A second one put a finger to his lips, and made a sign not to say anymore. He produced a signal detector and proceeded to scan the interior of their ship. They detected not less than twenty listening devices, which were removed and placed in a sound proof jar.

"As I was beginning to say, Tallest Red is so paranoid, he scares the crap out of me!"

"I agree." the second one said. The third remained silent as the others removed their hoods.

"I am Surj." said the first. "My specialty is surveillance, stealth, and small weapons."

"I am Lokar." the second one said. "My specialty is communications and sniping."

"I am Cobus." said the third, "I am Xanatian, and I am a female." She removed her hood. "My specialty is death, hand-to-hand. Quick and painless, or slow and agonizing."

The other two seemed indifferent. It was not unusual to fight side by side with outlanders, even conquered ones, so to have one on a mission did not seem strange in the least. Physically, Irkens were relatively weak, depending on their technology to help them subdue other species. On a special mission like this, where tech and mecha were undesirable, a strong pair of arms were useful. Surj looked sternly at her.

"We are here to capture another female, alive if possible. Are you comfortable with that?" Cobus grinned coldly.

"It matters not. I'm strictly mercenary. Money is what motivates me, not your damn leader's agenda." Lokar laughed.

"Ha ha ha! Spoken like a true mercenary, and we will be paid handsomely when we complete this mission." Cobus scowled.

"It better not be in donuts, otherwise I shall be very put off!"

"I vote you to be our mission leader, Lokar. You will be our eyes and ears from the ship. Since you are an expert in communications, you can coordinate our search for the girl from up high. Cobus and I seem to like the hands on approach much better." Cobus agreed.

"Killing is my specialty, but I promise to be gentle with this one, as long as she does not put up too much of a fight."

**End Chapter Three**

**A/N: I intended Cobus to be of the same species as Ixane, a member of the Resisty, first encountered in "Backseat Driver from Beyond the Stars." Nothing is known of Ixane from the series as she has no speaking part, therefore she has no home planet, so I took her name and made one up for her! Plus she fits in with the ninja-like appearance I pictured the assassins to be. She reminds me somewhat of Raven, from Teen Titans.**


	4. Chapter 4 Dirty Little Secrets

**I do not own any of the characters from Invader Zim.**

**A/N: I know this is an M rated story, but it could possibly do with a T, at least for now. Nothing serious. . .yet.**

**Tak and the Martian Armada**

**Chapter Four: Dirty Little Secrets**

Haze took Tak into an examination room where a scanner peered through the shell of her PAK, and another pin-pointed the location of the offending transmitter. A holographic image soon appeared, showing the schematics of the device attached to her back, and deciphered the purpose of the individual components within.

"Cybernetic implant . . . Vortian design . . . atmospheric processor . . . auxilliary information storage unit . . . metabolic regulator . . . neural incapacitator . . . hyperspace transmitter and receiver." droned the ship's computer. "Bio-interface connectors . . . weapons module . . . small scale anti-gravity generator . . ." Haze stood by, taking notes of the diagrams.

"Recommendations?"

"Removal. There is a small explosive device attached to the neural incapacitator. A potential threat to the Queen. It must be removed in sequence with the transmitter/receiver unit to prevent termination by an external controller." Tak immediately stood up, a look of alarm on her face.

"I cannot live long without this apparatus! You must not remove it!" Haze turned to her.

"The computer indicates a level of danger exists. Even as we speak, the device is sending messages of our intent." Tak sighed and resigned herself to its removal. She showed them the disconnect latch.

"If you must." she groaned. "You have ten minutes to come up with an alternative life-support system. Any longer, and you'll be looking for another queen."

**Terminate**

In another part of the galaxy, the Control Brains are receiving information from her PAK.

"The female has taken steps to remove her PAK." Tallest Red frowned, rubbing his chin.

"Clever girl. What is she planning, hmm? Perhaps she has discovered our 'dirty little secret'." he sighed, "Well then, I suppose it can't be helped. We cannot take the chance that she has learned something. Terminate her, then recall the assassination squad. I will not share my donuts with them for an aborted mission." The Control Brains began to flash brightly, with an evil, almost fiendish, delight.

"Yes, your Tallness!"

Haze and the computer had just removed the spinal interface when the spark from an electrical overload screeched from within, and the connecting cables turned red hot. They tossed it down onto the floor as it continued to sizzle and smoke.

"That thing is still active! Destroy it! Now!" the computer ordered, just as legs began to sprout from it's center. Haze fired several shots from his destructor ray, and it collapsed. It clattered about for a bit, then with one last hiss, stopped moving altogether.

"A pity." the computer moaned, "I was so looking forward to dissecting it."

Tak had a worried look on her face. Now the waiting game starts. Ten minutes was all she had. She had removed her PAK only twice before, and both times she immediately felt nauseous and weak. She took several deep breaths as she might never do so again. But this time she seemed to be doing all right.

"Please do not be concerned your Highness," Haze reassured her, "Your vital signs are being closely monitored, and the higher oxygen content in the ship is helping your body to maintain itself. Your heart may be a little weak from being dependent on that cybernetic implant, so we will make you a more compact, temporary unit. After that you will need some conditioning to build up your strength and stamina."

She felt quite good now that it was removed. It added about twenty-five extra pounds to her slight frame, but now that it was gone, her legs felt much stronger, and she felt a whole lot lighter.

"You'll have to remove your outer garments so we can deal with those holes in your back properly, your Highness." said the IE.

This Tak did without much thought. Years of genetic manipulations made her species rather androgynous. Their bodies were very similar to males, so the only way one could tell them apart were by their eyes and antenae. The males had straight ones with an angular bend about halfway up, and their eyes were bigger, rounder. Females had narrower eyes, slightly slanted, and longer eye lashes. Their antenae were curled toward the ends.

They still had their own distinct sexual organs, but centuries of cloning removed the desire to reproduce in the old, "animalistic" way.

Tak removed her boots, then her uniform. It had been awhile since she was fully naked. Clothing was strictly for protection. The uniform was self-sterilizing, which made it unnecessary to wash, and opened easily from the front for personal hygiene without it having to be totally removed. She was perfectly content to stand there in the nude. That is, until the computer scanned her, and made a comment.

"You have already begun your growth spurt, and your breasts are beginning to emerge nicely."

"My . . . 'breasts'?" Tak's eyebrows rose up as she looked down at her chest. Irken females of her generation were generally flat as a board, and her's were blooming. For some strange reason she now felt self-conscious. Haze, who had been standing nearby during the examination recognized her discomfort, and drew the curtain separating her from him.

"Go wait outside, Haze." she ordered.

"Yes, your majesty." he replied, then exited the room.

The computer watched him leave, and gave a snicker.

"You're an odd one. Does the IE make you nervous? It's not a real male, you know, yet you have given it a name. You have imprinted on 'him'." Tak gave the computer a puzzled look.

"What do you mean?"

"You have made that IE unit a favorite of yours. By giving it a name, you have marked 'him' as your own, like a favorite doll or toy." Tak narrowed her eyes at the computer..

"I had no such things as toys growing up. We were all put to work in some manner as soon as we were able to walk. As for me giving Haze a name, it's only natural, since I don't want to refer to him as 'IE' all the time, and I want to distinguish him from the others since I don't want to deal with each of them individually. He has been put in charge of all the other IEs. He has a male's voice, as do the rest of them, so I think of him as a 'he' for that reason. Why are you so concerned anyway? And why is it that only you have a female's voice?" The computer laughed.

"Oh ho ho! Snippy, aren't we?" From the floor, a shiny metal cylinder rose up, and from within it's confines stepped out another robot, decidely female in form.

"This is Qikli, my avatar, named for Queen Kali. She is much more interactive, physically, than my stationary self, and I will be operating through her with regards to your treatment, from now on. As for my female voice, it is the Queen's own. My personality matrix is, likewise, a construct of the Queen's"

The robot took a few tentative steps to test it's balance and mobility. She pirouetted, then spun like a top, on one toe. Qikli then scanned the exterior of her body.

"Looks all good." she declared, then turned her attention to Tak. There were three major holes in her back held open by stints. Qikli removed them and inserted a more bio-friendly grommet and plug, designed to melt away as the openings healed.

Tak grimaced as a local anesthetic was administered. These spiracles would allow fresh oxygen to circulate and assist in healing. She sat there stoically as Qikli continued to examine her.

"So, you have the voice and personality of the Queen? I find that rather narcissistic, don't you think? What else can you tell me about Queen Kali?" she spoke softly, "How was she injured, and do you know what happened to her?"

"During the battle she manned the tractor station, located near the forward torpedo tubes. An enemy fighter crashed into the hull, opposite from where she sat. The explosion warped the hull at that section, instantly destroying her console, and sent the Queen flying across the battle room. The blast tore off one of her arms and shattered another in five places. She also lost an eye, but still wanted to fight. But enough was enough, and I was forced to sedate her. Much of her internal organs were crushed or badly damaged, and there was little I could do, short of turning her into a cyborg. After the battle we tended her for a week, but she was already dying. She was resigned to her fate, but she didn't want to die in here doing nothing, so she assembled an away team and continued to do what she loved. Exploring. These cliffs were full of caves, and although I had not seen any of them myself, there was still a surprising amount of life back inside of them. After two weeks, a dozen of the IE's returned for some boring and tunneling machines. I assumed they were going to build a tomb for the queen, for after they left, they were never seen again."

Tak sighed. "How sad. To have come all this way only to be betrayed by people you trusted, and buried far away from home in the middle of nowhere. We Irkens are now raised in smeet hatcheries, and our history has been force fed into us through our PAKs by the Control Brains. Everything I've ever learned of our planet's true history has come from off world, on the planet Dirt, where I labored for seventy years before breaking free." She contemplated for a few seconds before asking, "Where are the provinces, Mountain and River?" The avatar pulled up a holo-image showing a map of Irk.

"This is Mountain Province, and this is River." she pointed out. Tak stared blankly at the map, then seethed as she recognized them by their new names. Red and Purple. She turned to Qikli.

"How did she manage to unify the planet? I couldn't find much information from the pieces of old books I had found, many had pages torn out of them, and most had been burned." The robot had been picking through the remains of the PAK as she listened.

"She was from a royal family in Black Province, quite a bit older than you when she began the unification. It was not by her choice. She wanted to be a naturalist, but it was her mother who originally began the unification by marrying off her sisters to their allies, a politically savvy move in those days. Kali was uncommonly beautiful, but very fiery, and many royal males were torn between rushing to marry her or running away, because if they didn't, she would naturally have to eat their heads. Some of them married, and then ran away. She ended up unifying twenty provinces." Qikli snickered. "The rest of the provinces soon fell into line because Black was now allied to most of the planet, and, as a result, Kali became Queen of Irk, having unified the majority." Tak sat quietly for a few moments.

"Is there a picture of her? I'd like to know what she looked like if you say she was 'uncommonly beautiful.' There are so few females on Irk now, I think aside from small differences, we pretty much all look alike." The avatar once again pulled up a holo-file of a dozen or so images.

Kali indeed, looked different, unlike any Irken she ever knew. Tall, every bit as regal as Tak had imagined. She had a thicker waistline, not so waspish as other tall females she had seen, probably because as a royal, she would be expected to bear many children. There were pictures of her as a child, some of her at about Tak's age, and one as a budding scientist, holding up a slide to a lamp. Tak's eyes immediately opened wider.

"She has four arms!" she gasped.

"And four eyes." Qikli added. "And five fingers on each hand. It is a sign of the Irken royal bloodline." She took Tak's hand and examined it. She ran her metallic hands along the sides of Tak's body, then checked her forehead. "You have a bit of royal blood in you. More signs will appear as you grow older. Even now, your fourth fingers will begin to erupt, and very soon after, you will have five." Tak looked at her hands. She hadn't noticed before, but the outsides of her palms had hard bumps starting to protrude.

"But I thought all this time Irkens only had three fingers!"

"Only the commoners do, my Queen."

Now she understood what Tallest Red meant when he called her an "aberration." He knew something of her background, as did the Control Brains. That was the primary reason for exiling her to planet Dirt.

**Techniques**

Cobus spent her nights studying techniques on subduing Irkens. If they were to take the female alive, she would need to study their anatomy carefully. Every species had their weak points, and she would have to exploit those. Fortunately she had trained with the Irkens, but her specialty was killing, not capturing. Perhaps Surj or Lokar would be willing to volunteer as test subjects. Tak might present a problem if she had to be taken alive, but Red had said _"Bring her back, alive preferably, in pieces if you must, but bring her back."_ That was the key word, "pieces." But despite claiming to be a mercenary with no feelings, she did have misgivings about the mission. She disliked the thought of taking another female alive, and she would prefer to kill the girl outright to spare her the tortures she knew Tallest Red had in store for her. Plus she had issues with the Irkens themselves. After all, they had invaded her home planet of Xana, and incinerated the better part of it to turn it into a refueling depot and rest-stop for the armada.

It would be moot, however, if they returned empty handed, and Red would have them all killed if they failed their mission, taking his anger out on them, and likely subjecting them to the same torture he had planned for the girl. Such was the life of a merc.

Unlike Surj and Lokar, she did not have a PAK attached to her spine, and was not subject to the limitations it presented. She counted that as a blessing in her favor. Her training instructor on Hobo 13 had pointed out the potential dangers of the PAKs to its recepients, which included its proclivity to leaving its dead host to find another, Irken or not. A non-Irken host would likely be killed by it. Should anything happen to Surj or Lokar, she would need to be far away from them if they died.

**Back on the Massive . . .**

"We are sorry your Tallness, we were too late, and the girl has already removed her PAK." the Control Brains crackled. Tallest Red breathed a sigh of relief.

"Then she will be dead in ten minutes, and there's nothing to worry about. Have you recalled the mission squad?"

"No. The last transmission of the PAK indicates it was destroyed by blaster fire of an unknown energy type, one that we are not familiar with. She might still be alive if she has found allies."

"Or could she have possibly been killed by them?"

"In any case the assassins must continue on. We must make sure the girl is dead, or we could have a rebellion on our hands."

**End Chapter 4**

**A/N: I didn't name her Kali for nothing! The Hindu goddess is also portrayed as having four arms . . . not so much four eyes. I did this to make Queen Kali somewhat unique relative to regular Irkens. Also, in far eastern mythology, imperial dragons are depicted with five claws on their feet, to distinguish them from run of the mill, common dragons, who only have three or four. It was (is?) illegal to portray an Imperial dragon with less than five toes, or to carve a common dragon with five. Thus the five fingers of Kali.**

**I'm trying to create a history of pre-Empire Irk because for all the inherent and random silliness that appears in the series, there seems to be a darker side to "Invader Zim" that might have been further explored had the show not been cancelled so early. Hope ya don't mind.**


	5. Chapter 5 First Strike

**I do not own any of the characters from Invader Zim.**

**A/N: The Empire has a potential ally . . . or a deadly enemy. Rated M for future random violence.**

**Tak and the Martian Armada**

**Chapter Five: First Strike**

Qikli pulled out a memory cube from the remains of the Irken girl's PAK, and examined it. Holding it between her fingertips, she began accessing Tak's memories from the past few days.

"Interesting. Pretty complex . . . for a piece of Vortian tech. They must have improved since I've been gone." Tak raised her eyebrows.

"They developed most of our technology. Are you trying to tell me their engineers and scientist aren't that great?"

"We did trade with them, they had wonderful produce. Their planet was formerly an agrarian world, with much of it being farmed. The Vortians were good-natured, but rather unsophisticated. We brought many of them over to teach them in our universities. They were quite capable, but lacked resources and the know-how to get started, so we sent some of our engineers to Vort to get their own industry going. I would never have guessed they'd be making weapons for sale."

"From what I can recall, weapons manufacture has always been the bulk of their exports. They developed them in great numbers, for a very low cost. The universities you speak of were dismantled long before my time. Our scientists and other intellectuals were exiled to Vort, and Irk became a staging ground for the Armada."

"And what became of the royal families?" There was a moment of silence, and Tak hung her head.

"I don't know . . ." The avatar continued working, apparently unaffected by her words.

"I see."

Qikli placed the cube on on a data retrieval tray. "There are images on this cube that show your life for the past month prior to your coming here. Explain to me some of these images. I will fast forward to your most recent recordings, as I find the fabricated history of Irk rather tedious, full of political propaganda and jingoist rhetoric." Very soon an image of Tallest Red appears.

"Who is this chap you're communicating with?"

"That is one of the current rulers of Irk, Tallest Red."

"He sounds full of himself. You've angered him, so now he's sending assassins after you?"

"Yes. They should be here in about five days."

"You should have said something earlier. Then we could prepare a proper 'welcome' for them."

The computer scanned Tak's body once more for measurements.

"Put this robe on for now, Highness, we can't have you running around naked, and exciting your mech boyfriends." Tak growled at her.

"You know, you have this very disturbing sense of humor. Was the Queen like that also?" Qikli snickered.

"I found her to be quite funny!"

"Hmmph! You would, since you have her personality!" Qikli dismissed her mocking tone with a flip of her hand.

"What did you expect? She was a bit of a tom-boy, and a firebrand as well. She wanted to do things no woman on Irk was allowed to do at the time, to be an explorer and a scientist, roaming the stars as a warrior queen. As queen, her royal duties included becoming a walking smeet factory. Males had always been in charge of the bureaucracy, but as the singular head of twenty provinces, she wielded considerable clout, and had her representatives change the laws. Queen Kali was now able to rule the world as she saw fit, without being burdened with the care and raising of a thousand children. I'm just exaggerating, of course."

"Did she have any of her own?"

"I don't know for sure. That information is not in my memory banks. I imagine she would have had at least twenty, one for each of the provinces she controlled."

Tak put on the robe she was handed. It fit her poorly, as it was obviously made for a much taller person . . . with four arms no less.

"Why am I wearing this, again?"

"You are being fitted for something a little more proper for your position."

"Another uniform?"

"A gown."

"You gotta be kidding." she dead-panned.

"You are a Queen now, and should have a proper gown!"

"I'd never even seen one until I went to Earth!"

"What were you doing there?"

"I went there to kill someone. Someone who robbed me of my chance to be an Invader."

"And you ended up here, and discovered a bit of your past. It's just as well, you are queen now, and you must take back what is yours. You have bigger fish to fry. We are going to whip this old ship back into shape, then we are going to war!"

"Do you have a screw loose? The Irken Armada has over a million attack ships!"

"Then it'll be a glorious death! One befitting the last Queen of Irk! It will be what Kali would have wanted!"

"I was thinking more along the lines of sneaking in and ripping Red open like a bag of chips!" She pounded her fist into her palm. Qikli made a sound like that of air being forcefully exhaled.

"You are Queen Tak, now! You must storm into the parliament as a conqueror, and tear his head off in front of the entire planet! There will be no 'sneaking' around!" Tak's antenae went limp, and she stared blankly at the avatar.

"Does the word 'discretion' have a place in your vocabulary? Besides, I am only 'queen' on this ship, and apparently that has no meaning to you." The robot sniggered.

"Ah, yes. I am sorry about that, but Queen Kali had me programmed to be somewhat 'irreverent' with her. She said it helped keep her on her toes. There were no other bios on board, and she liked the witty banter between the two of us. No female Irken would ever want to go on one of her expeditions, and bringing males along was a temptation, especially on long flights, if you understand my meaning!" Tak gulped.

"You mean she would eat their . . .?"

"No, no! She enjoyed sex! Perhaps a little too much!"

"Well, that's something I'm sure they wouldn't have written up in the history books!"

"None of the escort pilots would dare come aboard while she was up and about, although only those of royal blood held any real interest for her. A royal male who had designs on her exuded a special scent." Qikli said as she continued to pore over the remains of the PAK, pulling out the hyperspace transmitter.

"These transmitters are linked to some intelligence gathering entity. Can you tell me anything about them?"

"Every smeet that emerges from the hatcheries is fitted with a PAK. We receive all our initial knowledge through it. The information comes from two bio-mechanical computers called the Control Brains, CBL and CBR. They are the ones that keep track of all Irkens, wherever they may be."

"Huh! Left brain and Right brain. Makes perfect sense!" the avatar laughed, "Makes them that much easier to hack!" Tak narrowed her eyes at Qikli.

"What are you planning to do?"

"I'm going fishing! All I need is the right kind of bait!"

"You're not making any sense."

"I'll send out a faint message with one of my special virus concoctions through these transmitters. The Control Brains on the opposite end will recognize the signal as coming from one of their own, and will try to capture it. It will be faint enough for them to require some effort to retrieve, and when they do that, I've got them hooked! My virus would then send over whatever information I require, while blinding the CB's to what's going on."

"Aren't you afraid they might try to return the favor?" Qikli laughed mockingly.

"If they are Vortian in design, then our systems are incompatible. I, on the other hand, helped the Vorts create their early prototype computers. I know how they think, and besides, the received information will be kept isolated in another memory cube, a sort of firewall, where I can review it at my leisure."

"I don't know about this. What is it you hope to accomplish?"

"Know your enemies! We on board this ship are bound to protect and defend you, Highness. If this Irken upstart has sent assassins to kill you, then I want to know their every move. We will be the ones to strike first!"

Tak was quite concerned, for the obstinate computer seemed determined to carry out her plan. Tallest Red could not possibly have sent more than a handful of his thugs to bring her in, so Qikli's plan looked like it could invite a whole lot of trouble . . . more than it was worth. The Queen's flagship would be more than a match for a small group of killers, but to resurrect it and fly into battle against the Armada was crazy talk.

"Why are you so bent on going to war?"

"Because we let our guard down, and Queen Kali died because of it. I won't let it happen again."

"But if we face the armada in this crippled ship, even with it's superior weaponry, we cannot possibly win. We will all be destroyed, so how does that fit in with your plan to keep me safe? As your new queen, I order you to stand down!"

"I cannot! I will not!"

"Why?"

"Because . . . I miss her."

Tak was moved by Qikli's loyalty to the old queen. She sighed deeply.

"Would it help if we went to look for her final resting place?"

"Perhaps it would."

"Then, assemble an away team, and get me another exo-suit. We will go and look for 'our' missing Queen, together." Qikli turned and bowed to Tak. If she didn't know better, she could swear the avatar was smiling.

"Thank you, . . . Queen Tak."

**Triangulos**

A small black ship materialized out of the void. The assassins emerged from hyperspace and immediately went into stealth mode. Surj dimmed the ship's running lights, and turned off all unnecessary communication devices.

"We will run silent for the next twenty-four hours." Lokar spoke in a hushed tone.

"What's happening?" Cobus, the Xanatian female, asked.

"We're approaching the Triangulos Nebulae, and I don't want to cause any anomalies in the aether that can be detected. This is Triangulon space, and we have a treaty with them. We must not make our presence known."

"I've never heard of them," said Cobus, "who are they?"

"Their existence has been kept secret from the general population. Our leaders didn't want the people to know the Empire suffered a major defeat at their hands. They were first encountered nearly a decade ago by one of our scouting parties. They had come across a terra-formed planet, one of the Triangulon's outermost colonies, and called in an invasion force of about twenty cruisers, a dozen rippers, and another dozen shuvvers. Before they could begin the attack, they were met by a single Triangulon warship that proceeded to decimate the group. The survivors were pursued for another thousand kilometers, when the huge ship suddenly halted, and returned to it's own space."

"How big a ship are we talking about?"

"Videos showed it to be a flying pyramid, three kilometers on all sides. It brushed off the attacking ships with ease, but the Control Brains determined it had reached the limits of it's effective range, and ordered an even bigger force to the battle. By the time it arrived, another hundred of those pyramids had lined up along their border. The commanders of the attack group wisely decided to withdraw. We now have a treaty with them, but it is tenuous, and they still view the Empire with a great deal of distrust."

"Three kilometers is enormous for a warship. What kind of energy would propel a thing that big?"

"Their home planet is in a small system, some point two parsec from the outer fringes of the nebulae. The nebulae emits an energy that the Triangulons have learned to capture and use rather efficiently. They use the pyramids not only as warships, but also like a vast network of energy collectors, and are able to send this energy to all sectors of their space by relaying it from pyramid to pyramid. Since the cloud is constantly expanding, the Triangulons must also move outward, as their solar system will one day be swallowed by the nebulae. They will enter into Irken territory, and no doubt there will be a battle that will have the Empire fighting for their very lives."

"So, they have this near limitless power source, and are encroaching on the Empire with a fleet of ships that we have no estimate of?"

"Yes. Irk has for centuries thought of itself as the baddest boys in the galaxy, then suddenly these guys show up, and knock that chip off our shoulders. We've been making a lot of enemies when we should have been making allies. Who will come to our aid when that time arrives? Certainly not the Vortians, or the Xanatians, for that matter. They may welcome the Triangulons as liberators."

"Well, by that time we will all be in the same boat. What I want to know is, do they have a weakness, and can I kill them." Cobus pulled out her Xanacrystal dagger, and fingered the tip, drawing blood from the slightest touch. "What do they look like?"

"They appear to be metallic, or heavily armored at all times. They may be a silicon-based life form. We have never seen one up close, so we don't know for sure." Cobus smirked, licking the blood from her fingertip.

"Maybe we should collect a sample while we're here." Lokar frowned.

"That would be a bad idea since we don't want to provoke them. It could jeopardize our mission, and the mission should always come first."

**Aboard the Massive**

"How goes the assassin's operations?" Tallest Red had a worried look on his face as he addressed the Control Brains.

"They are approaching the Triangulon neutral zone and have turned off all communications since coming out of hyperspace. They have been instructed to run silent until they clear that hurdle. We will lose contact with them until then."

"Why couldn't they have remained in hyperspace?" Purple asked.

"Because, like a worm moving through the ground, a ship in hyperspace disturbs the surrounding aether. The Triangulons are certainly advanced enough to detect such ripples, which propagate well beyond the line of travel. A ship in normal space has a better chance at evading discovery."

"Damn Triangulons. If I didn't think we could find a use for them in the future, I would favor an all out assault."

"That would be foolish," CBL responded, "We know hardly anything about them. We might have them outnumbered, but those ships of theirs are very powerful. They could very well destroy seventy-five percent of the armada without batting an eye, and leaving us vulnerable to attack from the resistance."

"Seventy-five percent? I can live with that!"

"Assuming they don't move in and take over our territories. Where would you go then? I suggest we butter them up for now, until we know a little bit more. We don't know just how aggressive their species is."

**End Chapter 5**

**A/N: I'd like to explain a few of the terms I've used. A parsec is a distance of 3.26 light years, approximately one degree of arc, of a triangle whose base is the diameter of the Earth's six month rotation around the sun, about 190 million miles.**

**The aether is what is referred to as "empty space." As we know now, space is not empty. It is filled with energy and "dark matter." Einstein himself referred to it in his literature, saying that just because we cannot see it, we should not assume nothing is there. Be that as it may, physicists dismissed the idea on philosophical grounds, saying if it cannot be seen or measured, it must not exist. Quintessence ( literally the "fifth element") is now the word of choice used to describe the "empty" space between everything.**

**I'm trying to describe what is a variation of a "Dyson sphere," a term found in some Star Trek episodes. It describes a series of satellites surrounding a star, and capturing the energy emitted by it, like some giant solar battery array. In this story, the Triangulon ships form a net facing the nebulae, and absorb energy in that same manner.**

**As in the IZ series, the writers make use of pop culture references. The Triangulon pyramids are meant to be a take-off on the Borg Cubes in Star Trek.**

**In IZ, the Irks seem to run roughshod over everyone, so I thought I'd give them a rival. "Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer."**


	6. Chapter 6 The Tunnel of Quetz

**I do not own any of the characters from Invader Zim.**

**A/N: Not much to say here. Still rated M for bad words.**

**Tak and the Martian Armada**

**Chapter 6: The Tunnel of Quetz**

No one had set foot outside the ship for over two thousand years. Tak and the avatar moved cautiously through the caves as Haze led the way. Two more IE's followed in excavators, carrying huge flood lights for illumination.

It was relatively warm inside the tunnel, which had all the indications of being a lava tube. The planet still emitted heat, though its molten core had long since begun to cool. The temperature outside on the Martian surface was still a chilly minus two hundred degrees, but inside the tunnel it was a more comfortable forty degrees, the heat coming from small fissures in the rocks, and these were surrounded by a pale, soft, jelly-like scum, fringed in red. Bacteria flourished around the little cracks and if the lights were turned off, you could see them glowing in the dark. There were thousands of such colonies surrrounding them. Qikli examined them closer.

"Nothing to worry about. They are harmless, and create no poisonous residue." Tak suddenly remembered the spiders she encountered in the first cave she entered.

"Are there any q-quetz in here?" she shuddered.

"Don't tell me you're afraid of them? But, no, there are no such animals here. There were some on the third planet, though. Big, hideous things, eight-eyed horrors, covered in hair, with huge fangs dripping foul venoms. Their eight hairy legs had curved hooks on each end so their prey couldn't escape them." Tak's eyes grew large, and beads of sweat popped up all over her arms and forehead as the robot made creepy finger gestures at her.

A loose rock fell from the ceiling and clattered somewhere in the darkness. Qikli spun around and screamed, **"AAAAAA! Quetz!"** Tak let out a yell, and jumped onto Haze, standing on his head. The avatar fell to the ground, laughing and kicking her legs in the air. The Irken female steamed when she realized she'd been had.

**"YOUUUU AAASSSHHHOOOLEEE!"**

"You're too easy, Highness, you left yourself wide open! When that rock fell, I couldn't help myself!" Qikli giggled.

"If I were a real queen, I'd make a vending machine outta you!" The robot sat up, examining a set of tracks made by heavy machinery.

"You are a real queen, your Majesty, at least to us. You should learn to lighten up a bit. We're not going anywhere for a while."

"You scared the crap outta me! Look! I'm still shaking!" Tak held her arms out. She was trembling like a leaf.

"Most quetz are harmless. You would do well to control this fear you have. Some emergency may pop up, and you might need to maintain a cool head. I can help you with that later, but for now, we appear to be on the right track." The avatar stood once again. "These tracks lead down this tunnel, and the floor here looks like it has been levelled and polished." Haze spoke up.

"This floor could not have been made by our machinery. Ours were used for clearing camp sites, not to polish hard rock. Someone else did this."

"The original inhabitants of this planet, perhaps? We should stay alert then."

"I will scout ahead and see how far this tunnel goes. I'll keep my vid on so you can see what I'm seeing."

"We will follow behind at a distance, just in case you need our help."

"Be careful, Haze." Qikli turned to Tak, and sniggered.

"What?"

"I love it when you call him 'Haze'!" Tak sighed.

"You are so annoying." The robot giggled.

"Since you've been here, I've yet to see you smile. I think you might have a wonderful smile!"

"I'm an outlaw of the Empire, and the Tallest have sent assassins to kill me. I failed my mission to take over the Earth and kill Zim. To top it off I was defeated by him in aerial combat, an ability I excelled at. Though my own SIR unit had a hand in my defeat, I can't help but look at my life as one big failure thus far. I don't have much to smile about." Qikli put a hand on her shoulder.

"If it means that much to you, after we take care of the assassins, we'll go to Earth and crush this 'Zim' worm, then go back to Irk and cut down Tallest Red!"

"You're an optimistic little tin-can, aren't you?"

"Did I tell you I'm also the court jester?" Tak tilted her head, and gave Qikli an exasperated look. Then a corner of her lip began to curl upwards.

"I can tell you're not going to let up, but be warned, I've not smiled for a long time. You might not like what you see." The robot laughed.

"Ha ha ha! You have a sense of humor, after all."

Haze interrupted them with a visual. _"Can you see this, Qikli?" _

"Yes. Appears to be a cave-in."

_"It's rather extensive. Her Majesty must have really wanted to see where this road leads to. Must have taken them more than a few days to clear the rubble. Ahead is more of this polished surface. If you are going to follow, monitor the cave roof. I see no evidence of further collapse since the road was cleared, but be advised."_

"Thanks for the warning. We will take precautions. Continue on."

Tak and Qikli followed in Haze's footsteps though he was already deep into the tunnel. There were writings on the wall, not Irken this time. The tunnel was quite big, and the floor was very wide, obviously built for some large objects to pass through.

"What do you make of this floor, Qikli?" the young queen asked.

"It seems not actually polished, but rather put in place here. These are heat-resistant tiles, made to withstand temperatures in excess of three thousand degrees Celsius. The walls are also covered with them, and the tunnel itself has been manufactured. The whole structure is smooth and straight, and reminds me of . . ."

"The inside of some monstrous cannon?"

"Or a launch cylinder. There are tracks on the floor that show signs of maglev technology, and there is a slight magnetization of the surrounding surfaces."

"Isn't there a danger to you being surrounded by so much magnets?"

"The components for the IE's and myself are totally non-magnetic, and we are unaffected by such things as magnetic anomalies and ion storms." They are interrupted again by another visual report from Haze.

_"I am now three kilometers into the tunnel, and I have reached the end. I have found the remains of the Queen's guards, and there seems to have been a firefight. Most of the IE's and all of the SIR units have been destroyed, as well as the heavy equipment. I can find no sign of the Queen, although her stretcher is here. There is a large bulkhead or blast doors defended by ten gunports. There are no signs of life, but there is a slight vibration coming from the other side of the doors. I await further instructions."_

"Remain where you are. We will be there shortly."

The group picked up their pace as they drew closer to the end, but Tak was already puffing and panting. The removal of her PAK showed just how out of shape she was, and though she was improving rapidly, she was not quite ready for a thousand meter sprint.

"Shall I carry you, Highness?" Tak's breath was fogging up the inside of her helmet.

"N-no. Just . . . just slow down a bit. Let me catch my breath." Tak put her hands on her knees and rested for a moment, taking one deep breath after another. Then her eyes grew large once more as she stared down in horror at the tangle of webs covering her boots. From out of the darkness a mat of flourscent orange began to approach, and she backed away as a million tiny legs skritched its way across the floor like nails on a chalkboard. Apple-sized abdomens supported by spindly white legs, soon surrounded them on all sides.

"Q-q-q-quetz!" she whimpered as they began to climb up her legs. Qikli looked down at the creatures.

"Not to worry, your Highness! These aren't quetz at all, but a kind of walking plant that is attracted to your body heat and moisture from your breath! Those webs around your boots are part of their elaborate root system!" Her words fell on deaf ears as Tak, paralyzed with fear, fainted dead away as the plants covered her from head to toe. One of the IE's sprayed them with a blast of cold compressed air, and they quickly dispersed.

"You'd best sedate her before she wets herself." he said. Qikli sighed as she pulled out a syringe from her medical kit.

"I'm afraid she already has!"

The avatar carried Tak in her arms the remaining distance. Haze was already removing the memory cubes of the destroyed IE units for examination later. Perhaps they would reveal the last moments of the Queen's life. There were one hundred guardians that left with Queen Kali that day long ago, but Haze could find the remains of only ninety. Ten must have survived, or were disintegrated completely.

"What has happened to Her Majesty?" he asked.

"Nothing serious, just exhaustion. What have you discovered?"

"Only what I can see or feel. I do not have the sensors you possess, so I cannot tell you what is behind the blast doors. There is a smaller entry to the side, but appears not to have been opened for centuries."

"Here, take Queen Tak, while I take a look around." She placed Tak in his arms and giggled. "You two look cute together!" Haze just stood there, not comprehending at all, Qikli's meaning.

**Side Tracked**

The so-called neutral zone was in name only. No Irken spacecraft ever came out to this sector since that first disastrous clash ten years ago. The Triangulons traveled back and forth across it, harvesting great chunks of asteroids, loaded with materials that they could use.

Lokar guided the ship to match speed with one of the larger asteroids, hoping to use it as cover. The less energy they used, the less likely they would be discovered.

In the distance, three pyramids were fast approaching their position.

"Do you think we've been detected?" a concerned Surj asked.

"I don't know yet. We may have to make a run for it. Get yourselves to your stations, and strap in." Lokar ordered.

"Two of them appear to be veering off," said Cobus, "but the third is still heading towards our direction."

The three mercenaries watched on their long distance scanners as the first two ship began to open fire randomly through the asteroid debris field. There seemed to be no order in their firing.

"I don't understand what they're doing. Target practice?" she asked.

"That's not weapons fire. Looks to be high energy cutting lasers. They're mining the asteroids for metals and minerals. Obviously the Triangulon's ships are multifunctional, used as warships, energy collectors, and now for transporting raw materials."

Cobus continued watching. "Just exactly how are they going to retrieve those fragments?"

"Beats me," said Lokar, "Our job is not to speculate on these things, but to lay low until they leave."

"But we may discover something useful here. Something is happening to the third ship. It looks like its coming apart."

They were all riveted to their screens as the top ten levels of the third pyramid separated like the layers of a cake, which further split up into thousands of lesser pyramids. These in turn swarmed into the asteroid field as the laser fire ceased, to collect the cut up chunks of rock.

"My gawd," Surj whispered to his teammates, "each one of those things are built up by hundreds of thousands of smaller ships. A single pyramid must have more firepower than an Empire invasion force. Think we should contact the Massive?" Cobus laughed.

"Ha ha ha! C'mon! We're mercenaries! The information must be worth something to someone!" The others nodded in agreement.

"What would really be worth something is if we could find a weakness in their defenses."

"So, what are you suggesting, Surj?"

"We sneak aboard the third ship, since they have conveniently opened the door for us, and take a look around, maybe grab a few of their things while we're in there. We may never get a better chance! They must have a central command center that controls the activities of the individual ships, so if we can get to it, we may discover the kink in their armor." Lokar frowned.

"I need you two for the mission. This side track seems too risky."

"Come on, Lokar, this is our chance to make some real money! That ship is just four clicks away. At worst, we get to observe them up close, but imagine if we could get ahold of some of their tech and weaponry! We'd make a killing!" The commander sighed.

"All right, but if we get killed, I'm not speaking to any of you!"

They crossed their swords, a sign of agreement for those in the assassins guild, and donned exo-suits with holo-camoflage gear. A gravity compensator and an ion propulsion unit completed their outfit, and each took with them their weapon of choice. Cobus brought her crystal dagger and a paralyzer glove. Lokar strapped a railgun to his back, and brought a cartridge of a thousand razor discs for ammo. They were able to withstand being hurled at ten kilometer per second. Surj brought an assortment of hand held blaster that made no sound except for the sizzle and splurt of ruptured flesh. He also took a number of anti-personnal explosives, as they had no idea what to expect of the species they were about to confront.

Lokar turned off the ship's power to leave as little energy signature as possible. They exited through a cargo bay hatch, and made their way towards the truncated pyramid, disguised by their holo-cloak to look like pieces of space rock.

Halfway to their target a blinding laser cut within meters of them.

"Have we been detected?" Cobus called out to their leader.

"No, they're still harvesting asteroids."

They turned, horrified, to see several laser strikes slice up the asteroid their ship was moored to, and scrambled for cover as the ship exploded, sending huge chunks of rock flying in every direction.

"Oh, that's just great," Lokar moaned, "now we'll have to commandeer one of the pyramids or we'll never get back!"

"No! That is great!" Surj exclaimed, "What could possibly be more valuable than capturing one of their fighters! I say we forget the mission and go after one of the Triangulon ships!"

"If we abandon the mission, we can kiss our sorry asses goodbye! The next hit will be us!"

"Surj is right," said Cobus, "our ship is destroyed, and the Control Brains probably think we were destroyed along with it. We need a ship to get back regardless, so taking one of their's should be our next objective."

"Easier said than done, but at this point we have little choice. Most of our equipment was still on our ship so we're left with what we have on our backs. If we succeed, and our chances are slim, I would still want to continue the mission, just to satisfy the vow we made when we joined the Guild. That way they wouldn't come after us. We may be expelled, though."

"Okay by me. What about you, Cobus? You okay with that?"

"Meh! As long as we get out of this alive!"

**Back on the Massive**

"Any word from the hit squad?"

"Seems their ship was destroyed somewhere near the Triangulon's neutral zone. The assassins are still alive, as we have signals from two of their PAKs. Shall we order an extraction team?" Tallest Red crossed his arms, and glared out the window.

"**Forget them!** Recall all of our ships from the colonies! Place the border patrols on high alert, and make up some story to feed the Triangulons should they try to contact us!"

**End Chapter 6**

**A/N: Where I'm from, we have quetz . . . er, spiders, with leg spans of about 3 to 4 inches. They're really quick and pop up at the most inopportune moments. We call 'em "cane spiders," scientific name Heteropoda venatoria. They're harmless, but creepy looking, and they have little spikes on their legs. If you smash 'em with your bare hand, you're likely to get one of those spikes stuck in your hand, and a mess of guts to go along with it! I've learned to control my fear of them and can now catch them bare handed and release them unharmed. Take control of your fears!**

"**Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to . . . Holy Shit! Look at the size of that spider!" - Yoda in Hawaii.**


	7. Chapter 7 The Armada

**I do not own any of the characters from Invader Zim.**

**A/N: Tak finds her wings once more, the assassins find a kink in the Triangulon armor, and the Massive appears headed into a trap.**

**Tak and the Martian Armada**

**Chapter 7: The Armada**

"Incoming transmission, your Tallness." said the communications officer. Red swallowed hard.

"Origins?" He tried to compose himself, shaking off his garments, and clearing his throat.

"Sector 2-C. The Triangulos system." Red felt his heart sink into his bowels.

He turned to the Control Brains. "Do you have a story concocted just in case?"

"Do not worry. We are prepared." Tallest Red put on his game face and nodded to the com officer.

"Put it through."

After a brief moment of interstellar static, the image of a gaunt figure in black and silver appeared. He stood straight, a sneer crossing his lips. His eyes, if you could call them that, seemed like mere slits on a metallic face.

_"Greetings, Tallest of Irk. I am General Bukalat, ruler of the Triangulos systems."_

"Greetings to you General. And where is your Lord Togos, if I may ask?" A cold grin replaced the Triangulon's sneer.

_"My predecessor is on the run, but do not worry, we will catch up with him soon enough!"_

"Your 'predecessor'?" Red chuckled as he began to relax.

_"It has been many years since our first encounter with your species, and we have since become embroiled in a civil war which ended with Togos escaping with a handful of his followers. I am now the current ruler."_

"Congratulations. And to what purpose do you honor me with this call?"

_"It has come to my attention that our treaty with your empire should be renewed, as we may have need of your assistance in the future. Togos was a weak-minded ruler, but he was not without his allies. No doubt he has left to call on them while we are still licking our wounds. If you are willing, perhaps you might join us in carving up their territories."_

"An interesting proposal," Red drooled, "an alliance might be beneficial to both of our Empires, as we ourselves, have pockets of resistance pestering us."

_"Excellent! To make this official, I will have my people draw up the documents, then we can meet for a formal signing."_

"I trust you are doing well, after all," Red snickered, "a civil war is an ugly thing."

_"Yes. I dare say we lost half of our fleet in it, and many of our colonies are in ruins."_

Red gloated. "Perhaps we should come to your aid sooner?"

_"That will not be necessary. For the moment, we are in the process of rebuilding, and we have things well in hand, but thank you for the offer. We will be in contact."_ _**End transmission.**_

Tallest Red rubbed his hands together, and began to laugh insanely. Purple slapped him across the back.

"What's so funny?"

"Ha ha ha! Half their fleet is destroyed! Maybe it's a good time to pay them a visit, . . . and finish the job! Then we will overrun their allies, and take over all their territories!"

**In another part of the galaxy:**

"Excellent work, Bukalat! You make a convincing leader!"

"Thank you, Lord Togos. What happens now?"

"We shall wait and see if they take the bait."

**The Debris Field**

The three mercenaries continued towards the mothership despite the loss of their own shuttle. A number of smaller pyramids whizzed by, apparently on their way to investigate the explosion. One of them slowed down close to their position to gather up chunks of asteroid rubble. As they were disguised as rocks, the trio was drawn into the ship by tractor beams, and deposited roughly into a bin of more rocks. They shed their holo-gear, taking up defensive positions around the entrances to the bay. Lokar quickly scanned for life-forms. There were none detected, the ship was a collector drone, but that didn't necessarily mean it wasn't being monitored.

Surj disappeared down a corridor as Lokar directed Cobus in sign language towards the engine room. If they were to take the ship, he would need to free it from the controls of the mothership. They would also need to know how the ship was powered, and what were its capabilities. Did they have enough fuel to continue to their destination, and could the smaller craft outrun the others when they made their break? And most of all, they needed to know if it was armed.

Cobus entered the engine room and found it empty. Everything was automated, either controlled and monitored by the mothership itself, or by an autonomous computer. The power indicators showed maximum capacity, but that meant nothing to her unless she knew what type of energy they were using. Most species she knew of, used some form of matter/anti-matter energy, but that didn't seem to be the case here. There were none of the magnetic containment bottles used in anti-matter storage, but there were these strange crystals everywhere. She had remembered seeing them in the storage bay, imbedded into the matrix of the rocks from the asteroid field. What they were used for was unknown to her, but they must be what the Triangulons were after. They were very uniform in size and shape, but varied in color.

She picked one of the clear pieces from off a shelf, and it slowly began to change color. Even through her glove, Cobus could feel her fingers growing cold. The crystal was sucking the heat from her hand.

Surj continued surveying the ship. He was interested in finding a weapons locker, but had no luck. As far as he could tell, the ship was unarmed, and unmanned. The others began to converge on his location.

"There are no weapons onboard," he told them, "this may be just an ore transporter."

"And I've discovered what they're looking for in the asteroid field." said Cobus, holding up a jar of clear crystals. Lokar looked them over.

"What are they for? They don't look like anything I'm familiar with."

"They absorb energy and retain it. There must be a way to milk them once they reach their saturation point. I have a hunch how they're used, but I'll need to examine the exterior of the ship first, in order to make that determination." Lokar agreed.

"Do it quickly, then. Surj and I will wrest control of the ship, which seems to be remote piloted. But once we do, we are going to have to do some fancy flying to get out of here."

Cobus left to find an airlock, while Lokar and Surj began severing the video feeds. They couldn't risk being seen by the controllers, but had to work fast as they would surely be noticed soon. The Xanatian female found her way to the very top of the pyramid-shaped craft and stepped out into space. It was just as she suspected. Of the four sides of the pyramid, two were studded with the energy absorbing crystals. One or both sides could be positioned facing the nebulae, or any other energy source, to absorb its radiation, and that energy was what powered the ship. The excess energy could be stored for future use in the ship's batteries. This was likely the reason for the Irkens being defeated so handly in the first encounter. Irk used energy weapons exclusively, and those would be useless against a foe who could absorb the energy blasts, then fire them back. These ships would be most vulnerable to a physical attack, missles or torpedoes, or even an infiltration by mechs. The Triangulons had a weakness after all.

**Back on Mars**

Qikli examined the huge blast doors, probing it with her sensors. The heavy equipment that now lay ruined in front of them had apparently tried to break them down, whereupon the gunports opened fire on them. They seemed to be automated as no life signs were present. Whether or not they were still active was doubtful, since there were no energy signatures left in any of them. There was that faint vibration that ran through the metal of the doors, though, but it did not seem to be related to any mechanical function. Perhaps it was the sound coming from the very heart of this dying planet, some echo of a molten core slowly grinding to a halt.

The robot guards had succeeded in destroying half of the gunports, but only a dozen of the IE units were armed, and these were destroyed slowly, picked off, one-by-one. The remainder formed a semi-circle around Kali's stretcher, unable to do much else other than protect the Queen with their own bodies.

The avatar continued surveying the area as Tak slowly regained consciousness. She shook her head, still groggy from the effects of the sedative, but also still in a state of euphoria. Definitely no longer concerned about the quetz, she staggered around, grinning like a drunk jack-o-lantern. Qikli giggled.

"Not quite the smile I was expecting, but an improvement, your Highness." Tak gave her a funny look, and shook her head, trying to rid herself of the effects of the sedative. She let out a low groan.

"Uhhnnghh." She blinked her eyes several times, and slapped herself in the face twice. Still bleary eyed, she reached out to grab onto Qikli.

"Have you discovered anything significant?"

"The trail for Queen Kali ends here. There is no sign of her body, not even a molecule of dust. I think she may have been taken beyond those blast doors. There are footprints here, about a dozen individuals, that do not belong to any of the guardians, and they lead to that smaller door on the side. I will attempt to open it, so I must insist you stay at a safe distance for now. Haze has prepared a bunker using the excavator buckets." Tak nodded, still woozy, but starting to recover.

"Try to stay safe, will you?"

"Thank you for your concern, your Highness, but this shell is merely an avatar, and if something should happen to it, rest assured that I have a dozen more like it still on the ship."

Haze and the rest of the Escorts retreated to the barrier and watched as Qikli prepared to bypass the security code. There was no power to speak of, and the door refused to budge. The avatar applied a current to the controls, and the door jumped a dozen centimeters, but no more. It was more than enough for Qikli to push it open. No horns or flashing lights went off, but there was an iridescent glow further back inside that seemed to come from everywhere. No other life-forms appeared to confront them, so the robot went in to take a quick scan of the inside. She signaled Tak and the others to come in as it appeared to be safe to do so, then went back in to do further explorations.

In the faint light, she peered through the darkness of the enormous cavern. There were maglev tracks everywhere, obviously used for transporting objects of great size and weight. Haze entered cautiously, followed by Tak and the two IE's.

The ceiling of the cavern was even higher than the insides of the tunnel, having the appearance of a very large hanger. The humming sound was louder inside, but still faint. There was a regularity to it, like a heartbeat, so it wasn't natural as originally thought. It could be a machine, a generator of some kind, so there was a possibility of another presence here, another life-form besides the plants and bacteria outside in the tunnels. Was it mechanical, like the robots on the ship? Or was it biological. Most importantly, was it intelligent.

Qikli had determined the complex to be four thousand years old, yet the floor was spotless, except for the grit they had tracked in when they entered. Of the footprints that were seen outside, no sign could be found. If Kali had been brought in, the direction they went could not be determined, so the group decided to split up to reconnoiter and map the area. Tak and the avatar would explore one of the larger tunnels that shunted off to the left, while Haze and the other two further split up, to take the smaller tunnels to the right. Those seemed to be living or working quarters for the beings that once occuppied them. If anything or anyone was alive here, it would most likely be found in there.

Tak found a work station, and ran her fingertips over the top. Like the floor, there was not a speck of dust on it, as if someone had wiped it clean a few minutes ago. It was eerie. Qikli looked it over, and placed her palm on a pad. There was a clicking sound, then that familiar hum she had noticed when they first came in.

One by one, a series of lights began to glow brighter and brighter, slowly making its way down the tunnel, which seemed to stretch endlessly into the distance. To each side of the tunnel were huge black cylinders, four deep, wrapped by a protective covering of an unknown material. They varied in length, from a hundred to two hundred meters, but were of the same breadth and height of the tunnel outside, roughly forty meters in diameter. They were the "boots" or collars, that were launched through the tunnel. Inside of each was something else, either an explosive charge or an armor penetrating missile. Neither of them would have made any sense unless the tunnel could be raised and aimed like a cannon.

Qikli pulled off the wrapping from one of the collars that had fallen apart. Inside was a fighting craft, similar to their own dragon bolts, but much, much bigger. There were thousands of them, maybe even tens of thousands. How many other such hangers were in here anyway? They could only guess. Tak had wanted a fighter of her own, but now she had a fleet of them. Not merely a fleet, but her very own armada. A Martian armada. She smiled broadly, and the avatar noticed.

"Now that's what I call a smile, your Highness!" Qikli stood, unflinching for a few moments. "I'm receiving a transmission from the ship."

"What is it?"

"Remember I told you I was going to send out a faint message to see if the Control Brains would pick it up? Well, something else picked it up, all right, and a response is coming from the third planet. It is from your old fighter craft trying to locate you." Tak gasped.

"My spittle runner? It must have survived the crash! Can it still fly?"

"There was an attempt to hack into its system by a human, and it has successfully thwarted the creature. It wants to return to you."

"Its security system is activated by voice recognition. My voice. Let me send a message back so it can rendezvous with us."

"As you wish, Majesty."

**End Chapter 7**

**A/N: In "Dibship Rising," Dib overrides Tak's personality code to her ship and inserts his own personality to access the spittle runner's programs. He succeeds, but the ship now believes it is Dib, and becomes as weird as he is. The ship then deletes his personality. In this story I'll assume Tak had a fail-safe in place, and the ship would then be able to return to her control.**

**As promised, Tak has now found her Martian Armada, but there is no way she would be able to fly them all by herself. She'll be needing a little more help!**

**Admittedly this is more of filler chapter, but important to set the tone for future chapters, and maybe even the introduction of Dib and Zim.**

**Ciao, baby!**


	8. Chapter 8 Back from the Dead

**I do not own any of the characters from Invader Zim.**

**A/N: Blood, body parts and blasters in store! **

**Tak and the Martian Armada**

**Chapter 8: Back from the Dead**

"The main computer has given our coordinates to your personal shuttle. I hope its Vortian OS can decipher our older language system."

"You don't think highly of Vortian technology, do you? The Empire has advanced because of them."

"We shared our tech with the Vorts. Were the new leaders so naïve as to abandon our own technology for one that is an imitation? Where would Irk be now if we had retained our own scientist and engineers? Do you not suppose that after conquering their home world, that the Vortians would not harbor some resentment towards us? I sense sabotage in the making!"

"Queen Kali united the provinces of Irk peacefully by marrying into the different royal families, yet there were still some disgruntled factions that wanted her dead. Is conquering another planet any much different? There will always be hate in there, somewhere."

"Politics. We have enough hate of our own. We should let the indigenous species deal with their's by themselves. Queen Kali never wanted any part of it. Even our allies bickered among themselves, but it was our hostile neighbors that feared the unification, and our growing influence. Many felt we should have waltzed in and exterminated our enemies one province at a time, then take over their lands. Some wanted complete sterilization so we wouldn't have to deal with the problem of rebellion. Those were suggestions made by our own allies. Kali was disgusted with politics."

**Dib**

Back on Earth, in the garage of the Membrane household, an alien ship prepares for flight.

_"Instruction received. Initiating lift off sequence. All systems are go. Intruder secured."_

"Let me go, you stupid machine!" Dib yelled, wrapped up in duct tape.

_"Remain still, Earth creature, or I will jettison you in the upper atmosphere."_ The boy with the big head and glasses gulped, and slunk deeper into his seat.

"Where are you taking me?"

_"My master has sent for me, and I am to meet her at the coordinates given. It is on a nearby planet and it will take us approximately twenty-four hours to reach."_

"Y-you mean, Tak is still alive?"

_"Yes. I will let her decide your fate. I hope it will be an unpleasant one."_

"You said twenty-four hours! What if I have to use the bathroom?!"

_"You will retain your bodily fluids until we arrive, otherwise I will be the one to decide your fate, and I can guarantee you, it __will__ be unpleasant! Now be still while we leave your primitive planet!"_

"C-can't you just leave me here? I'm just added weight for you!"

_"Your mass is neglible and irrelevant. You helped that insect, Zim and his defective SIR unit defeat my master, and I'm sure she'll want to deal with you personally."_

"But Tak was destroying my world! What choice did I have except to help him!"

_"That is no longer relevant."_

The garage door blew apart as the spittle runner crashed through it, leaving the entire garage a smoking pile of debris. Gaz ran out the front door screaming.

"**Dib!** You better be back for dinner!"

**Mummy**

Back on Mars, an urgent message was received from Haze on the opposite end of the tunnels.

_"I believe we have found what is left of Queen Kali,"_ he said, _"but be warned, it is not a pleasant sight."_

Tak gasped as she and the avatar ran back to where they had last seen Haze and the others.

The guardians stood in formation at the entrance of a large chamber. They had stopped when they detected the presence of Irken dna, and Haze entered to confirm, then backed out. The chamber was still pitch black, the robots not requiring any light for their explorations. Tak found a work station similar to the one she found in the hanger tunnels, and anxiously turned the lights on. What she saw made her retch instantly, and she turned away quickly. The rhythmic thumping sound they heard when they first entered, came from a huge vat of an opaque greenish fluid, similar to that of Irken blood. Nearby was a number of examination tables on which lay pieces of various body parts, long since desiccated. On one of them lay a body, splayed open like a laboratory specimen. Qikli went in to examine the remains closer.

"Please wait here, Your Highness."

The body had no head, nor arms, and seemed remarkably . . . fresh. The avatar determined it was not even a real body, but a medical maquette, merely a model. A further inspection of the chamber revealed other similar vats of the green liquid, and more body parts, legs, arms, internal organs. They could not have possibly come from a single individual, yet they were Irken. They must have come from the vast burial ground at the bottom of the canyon floor. Specimens plucked from the dead and nearly dead, after the treacherous ambush two thousand years ago.

Qikli detected the sound of footsteps approaching from the darkness. They sounded so familiar, but she couldn't be sure. Carefully measured footsteps. Like those from one of regal birth. They stopped about fifty meters short of the avatar.

"Is that you . . . Qikli?" The robot stepped back, and dropped to one knee. The rest of the guardians followed suit.

"Yes, my Queen. It is I." From out of the darkness stepped Queen Kali, not looking a day over a thousand. She surveyed the little group before her, then smiled.

"No need to stand on ceremony, Qikli. You never did anyway. Get up." The avatar rose.

"Where the hell have you been all this time?" Kali laughed.

"I was getting patched up. Why didn't you come looking for me?"

"We thought you were dead! Why would we want to haul your rotting carcass back onto the ship, anyway? Besides, you gave us orders to remain on board in case of another attack!"

"That I did." Kali smirked, then set her gaze upon the confused Tak, who didn't know whether she should kneel down like the others, bow or curtsy, or just remain standing, after all, the robots had all declared her to be their new Queen. "And who might you be, young lady?"

"I-I'm Tak!" The avatar spoke, sensing the girl's nervousness.

"She is our new Queen. You've been replaced for dereliction of duty!"

"I see. Interesting. Perhaps I should be the one to bow down to her then, hmm?" Kali approached the now petrified Tak, and sniffed the air around her antennae. Tak closed her eyes and cringed.

_"Please don't eat my head please don't eat my head please don't eat my head!"_

"Your Highness, you're frightening her! She thinks you're going to bite her head off!"

"Mmmm, yes. The thought did occur to me, but she is a female, and really, of no interest to me. She smells like a royal, though. Quite delightful." Kali lifted Tak's chin up, turning her face to the left, then the right. "Tell me, child, what province are you from?"

"I-I come from Ocean!"

"I thought so. There is a slight . . . 'saltiness,' to you!" Qikli cracked up laughing, joined by Kali. Tak narrowed her eyes at them, thinking she should feel somewhat offended.

"If you two are done having fun at my expense, then maybe I should go back to the ship and wait for my flyer to arrive!" Kali smiled softly at her, and for the first time, Tak noticed her four eyes blazing brightly.

"Forgive me, young queen. I do miss Qikli so. Won't you stay awhile, and hear the story of how I survived?"

"Yes! Please stay, Majesty! Your ship will take about a day to get here anyway!" Tak sighed.

"Very well." she said dryly.

"Then come walk next to me. It's been quite a long time since I've been with one of my own kind."

The girl stepped up to the side of Kali, and looked up at her. Kali had an air about her, and easily stood a head taller than Tak. She put her arm around the young Irken's shoulder as they began to walk back into the darkened chamber. Lights slowly turned on before them, reaching further and further back, until the tunnel itself disappeared, as if bent along the curvature of the planet. Tak was awed by it's sheer length.

"This planet is honey-combed with tunnels to the depth of twenty kilometers. The former inhabitants built them many millennia before I was born. The last of them perished only a hundred years ago. I imagine you are at least that old." She looked down at the girl beside her. Tak was still unsure of how she should behave in the presence of the last queen of Irk. "What has Qikli told you about me?"

"Only that you came from Black province, a royal princess married off in order to unify the planet. You wanted to be a scientist, but ended up as Queen of Irk. You were badly injured in the ambush, losing an arm and one eye. They didn't think you would survive, and when you left, they never saw you again." Kali closed her eyes and smiled to herself as she remembered that time when she thought she was going to die. A hand instictively went up to where the damaged eye was, and then to the arm. Both of which had been fully repaired by her benefactors.

"It was probably my curiosity that kept me alive until I met the indigenous species that lived in the underground. They were my saviors, keeping me alive in one of their stasis chambers while they searched for a way to repair my body. I was scanned so many times I began to glow in the dark!" she snickered, "They built a mock-up of my body in order to study my anatomy, but what they really needed was actual tissue samples, so they went down into the canyon to find cadavers to practice on. The bodies were very well preserved, having been frozen solid at minus two hundred degrees centigrade."

Tak began to feel squeamish. Kali seemed so matter of fact when she spoke of cadavers and dissections. Not surprising since she had science in her blood. She had never seen an actual dead body before, Irken or alien, although she saw plenty of pictures on her battle simulators.

"Have you ever fought an enemy face to face?" she asked.

"Many times. As a true blood, the royal families were often the first targets in any war. I was trained in all manner of hand-to-hand fighting from a very young age, and weapons, as I grew older."

"Have you . . . killed . . . anyone?" Kali smiled, and continued talking without breaking stride.

"Besides my husbands you mean?" she laughed, "I remember all my battles. All five thousand, six hundred and twenty-three of them. Who knows how many I've killed with plasma blasters . . . they don't leave much of a trace. So yes, I've had my share, and my fill of it. I'm a naturalist now. I don't want to kill anything anymore . . . except maybe those responsible for the ambush."

"Did it bother you to kill someone?"

"The first one did, but the next twenty came at me so fast, I didn't have time to think much on it." Kali stopped in her tracks this time, and faced the young Irken. "An odd question. Have you ever killed anyone in battle?"

"N-no! In fact I've never been in a war yet. It's just that after seeing all those body parts back there, I-I don't know if I ever could." Kali looked at her perplexed.

"You have a conscience, then. When the time comes, and your survival is at stake, you will kill, over and over if you have to. You surprised me. It is a strange question from one so young. Why?"

"I trained to be an invader, but . . ."

"An 'invader'? What are you talking about?"

"Since the time you disappeared, Irk has been transformed. The new leaders said it was our duty to go out and conquer new worlds. It has been the dream of every child since, to train as an invader for the Irken military."

"And do your parents have any say in this matter?"

"We have had no such things as 'parents' for many, many generations. All Irkens are born in smeet factories now, and are incapable of natural childbirth. The ratio of female to male is one in a hundred thousand." Kali turned to Qikli, a growing anger in her eyes.

"Don't look at me! I don't know anything about it!"

**The Asteroid Field**

Lokar and Surj soon found the bridge of the ship. It was just as they had suspected. The ship was a drone, either remote operated, or controlled by a computer system. Lokar attempted to disengage anything that looked like a controller, but was too late.

_"Halt, intruders. Who are you, and what purpose do you have for being here?"_ Lokar tried to make up a feasible story.

"Uh . . . We are part of engineering, doing routine maintenance checks!"

_"If that is so, why did you not insert your boarding instructions when you entered? We have no record of your arrival. Stand down, and prepare to be scanned."_ Surj immediately blew away the controller with light blaster fire. On the screen before them they could see ten pyramids rapidly emerging from the mothership, heading their way.

"Hope you can figure out how to fly this thing in a hurry, Lokar!" He tapped on his communicator. "Get yourself down here, Cobus! We got company!"

"No need to shout. I'm already here!" She sat herself down into the pilot's seat. "Let me fly, I've operated these types of controls before!"

"Can this ship achieve hyper-velocities?"

"We'll find out in a second!"

The ship began to turn around as the other pyramids closed in on them.

"They're charging their plasma cannons!" Surj screamed out. Cobus now had the ship's collector arrays facing the approaching enemy.

"Give me a heading, quick!" Lokar punched in Tak's location coordinates just as the first pulses began to hit. If Cobus was wrong, they would all be dead before the next one struck. Their ship shuddered with the first strike, but the power readings spiked to nearly a thousand percent when Cobus hit her thrusters, and their pyramid took off, disappearing instantly into the aether.

Their ship glided through hyper-space, and none of the other pyramids entered to pursue them. The trio breathed a sigh of relief.

"What happened just now?" squad leader Lokar asked. Cobus played back the recordings of the attack. They showed the pyramids firing into the backs of the ships in front of them, and those in turn fired into the ships in front of them, until all the energy was concentrated within the last ship. That one unleashed a massive discharge at their stolen ship, the collective energy of all ten pyramids. It appeared to be one of their primary battle tactics. They had not expected that their technique could be used to the enemy's advantage.

"Two sides of the outer hull are covered with those energy absorbing crystals. I merely turned those sides to intercept their blaster fire. When we were struck, the crystals absorbed the energy, and redirected them straight into the ship's power core. The power levels went up instantaneously, and we left them in the dust!" Surj just sagged in his chair, relieved that they were all still alive.

"So what happens now, commander?"

"I suggest we ditch our PAKs now, as the Control Brains probably think we're all dead."

"Wait," the Xanatian girl said confused. ". . . don't you have to keep those on, or die?"

"When we joined the Guild, they told us the PAKs were a nuisance, and should be removed. For appearance sake, we wear a streamlined, non-obtrusive version, with less features, but it was necessary to keep the Control Brains from accessing the Guild's secrets. We are mercenaries after all, and no longer kowtow to the Tallest, just the highest bidder."

"Do they know this?" Lokar and Surj both laughed.

"Not that we know of! Otherwise they might have exterminated all life on Hobo-13!"

"Irkens as well?"

"Everyone. We are all expendable to them, and we harbor no illusion that they wouldn't kill us for the slightest reason. By the same token, I would not hesitate to split Tallest Red open like a Chunganeese water fowl . . . if someone paid me enough!" chuckled Surj.,

"Do not let his looks fool you. Tallest Red came up from the ranks as a fighter pilot, and before that he was an experienced soldier in the first Irken civil war. Soldiers rarely, if ever, attain his height. Purple was a politician, a member of the Council of Public Health. It is said he attained his height from illegal experiments conducted on civilians. He is by far the stupider of the two, no doubt from extended drug use, and Red uses him as an idiot to his straight man, to hide his own ruthless ambitions." Cobus began to clap.

"Bravo. All this information coming from two 'loyal' citizens of Irk." Surj grinned broadly at her.

"Perhaps you think of us as traitors?! Oh no, we are far from it."

"We were given the chance to escape the drudgery of the Irken infantry after completing special training. The Guild recruited us, yourself included, and we gladly accepted. Anything to get away from the mind-numbing, brain-wash that they drill into the heads of the Empire's soldiers, and invader wannabees." Cobus smirked.

"Frankly, I'm surprised you think that way. When you say 'we', I'm assuming you mean only you and Surj, right?"

"I'm speaking for most of the Irkens in the Guild. Surj and I did not meet each other until just a few days ago." Surj agreed, nodding his head.

"We were all hand-picked for this mission by the assassination committee. None of us knew the other, and that included our former commander. It is the way of the Guild."

"Then, do all your Irken brothers feel the same?"

"If they didn't, then they learned quickly. Freedom to think is new to many of us. It can be frightening at first, but once it takes hold, it's hard to give up."

"And is that why you're still here?"

"Well, the money is good!"

"Yes. Definitely the money!"

Cobus was beginning to warm up to her two companions. She didn't particularly like Irkens because they had all but destroyed her home planet, but these two she liked. It was good to know there were at least some of them who didn't like the way the Empire treated their subjects.

Her two teammates removed their PAKs and disabled the transmitters, effectively cutting them off from the Control Brains. To the CB's they were now, for all intents and purposes, to be considered dead or destroyed. Their instructors on Hobo-13 had learned of the insidious nature of the device after watching some of their more rebellious Irken trainees drop dead for no apparent reason. What they discovered upon autopsy, was the termination mechanism built into each PAK. The trainers had special PAKs built for only the very best recruits, just for this reason. These removed the life support system that Irkens had come to depend on, the ones that recirculated blood, and helped them breathe the polluted air of Irk. The recruits would need to go through condition training to build stamina. They also had a modified memory storage device that fed misinformation to the Control Brains, and the Brains were never the wiser.

The trio had their prize now, and didn't need to continue the search for Tak, but they had crossed swords, and were obligated, at least to Lokar, to go on.

**On Irk**

Thousands of Irken warship had begun to arrive in the skies above Irk. They came from everywhere: from the colonies, from out on patrols, from invasion forces recalled from the borders. The people below were amazed to see such a gathering. No doubt something was going on.

On the ground, battle mechs and tanks were being readied. An army of mega-doomers awaited transport at the airfields. It was not often the people of Irk witnessed such a display: the assembling of an invasion force, with more still to come.

Purple ran onto the bridge of the Massive, where Red was calmly eating a donut, while sipping a cup of coffee. He waved his arms frantically in the air.

"What's going on?!" Red continued sipping his coffee while overseeing the monitor screens.

"I'm readying an invasion fleet for Triangulos."

"That's not what I meant! . . . Why's the coffee pot empty?!"

**End Chapter 8**

**A/N: Freedom of thought. Isn't that how many a rebellion starts?**

**Since its never been explained why the tallest get to rule, I'm suggesting that like redwoods and sequoias, which take many years to get tall, it's because of their great age. Tak must be around a hundred estimating by the amount of time she spent exiled on Dirt. It wouldn't be much of a "stretch" to say the Tallest must be in their thousands!**


	9. Chapter 9 Waiting Games

**I do not own any of the characters from Invader Zim!**

**A/N: Finally got my computer back! **

**Tak and the Martian Armada**

**Chapter 9: Waiting Games**

"Where do these new 'leaders' come off, telling little children they should go to war?! I ought to tear their gizzards out! This just pisses me off to no end!" Qikli smiled.

"Now that's the Kali I know! I'm glad to see you haven't lost any of that old fiery spirit of yours! Ole 'Fire and Brimstone'!"

"It's time to go back and straighten these clowns out! Bust some heads! Kick some ass!" Tak shook her head, casting a glance over at Qikli.

"Now I know why you act the way you do!" Kali and her robot alter-ego were already doing some little dance together.

_"War! War! War!"_ they chanted. Kali smiled.

"It's good to see you haven't lost your sense of humor, Qikli."

"You also, your Highness!" Tak rolled her eyes back.

"This is silly. You both share the same personality . . . it's like talking to yourself! Are you two serious about waging war?"

"War is a serious matter. We're just being facetious because we haven't seen each other for so long, but something must be done about this 'smeet army' that's been created. I would prefer diplomacy at this point to prevent the death of the youngsters. Perhaps we could contact our allies, and have them put pressure on the current leaders. Maybe Vort . . ."

"Too late. They were conquered quite recently."

"Xana, then?"

"Conquered also."

"The Macrossians and the Invidious systems?"

"Conquered . . . and conquered." Kali sighed.

"Those last two were not pushovers. What is the status of things on Irk?"

"Our population is about forty billion, and that's not even counting the colonies."

"Forty . . . billion?! How are they fed?"

"When worlds are taken over, the most suitable planets are used for food production, and as living quarters for our military. The local population is enslaved. The less useful planets are stripped of minerals and metals, then turned into storage facilities, fueling depots, or entertainment venues for the armada. If the indigenous species are deemed unfit, or unnecessary, they are generally exterminated."

"Are our young ones educated?"

"Only to the point where they can read, write, aim a blaster and pull the trigger. The more ambitious ones can ask for specialized training . . . to be an invader for example. Those are fed better than the grunts, who are placed on the front lines as cannon fodder. If they can survive that, then some kind of promotion might be in order."

"Forty billion people living on one planet must create some risk of disease. Plus the invasion of so many different worlds must introduce alien sicknesses we would not be familiar with. With our doctors and scientist gone, do your leaders provide health care of some kind?" Tak laughed at the question.

"Health care? What's that? The last outbreak we had fifty years ago resulted in the sterilization of half a province, nearly two billion citizens, by our 'health officials'. Frontline soldiers are now carefully monitored by AI's for symptoms. Whole divisions have been known to be killed off to prevent contagion from spreading. That is our 'health care'! If you get sick or injured, you get eliminated!" The former queen sighed, looking sadly at Tak.

"Things have certainly changed on Irk." Tak bowed her head.

"I'm sorry." Kali took her hand and squeezed it gently.

"Don't be. It's not your fault. I should never have left Irk in the first place. If I had stayed, then perhaps none of this would have ever happened."

They continued walking further and further into the labyrinth of tunnels that Kali had come to know as her new home. There were plants and animals down here that once lived above ground, in a time when the world was wet, and had a breathable atmosphere. They had adapted slowly to the underground when the air began to run away. The surface had been barren for many thousands of years before being discovered by another race, looking for a new home. These newcomers had tried to colonize the surface but found it difficult. Some moved on to the third planet, where they intermingled with the local species undetected, others found the tunnels to their liking, and built their new world deep underground, utilizing the planet's heat as a power source. Here, the water which was once on the surface, had percolated down through the soil, collecting in vast caverns throughout the subterranean world. Along the shores of these vast bodies of fresh water were plants of various kinds, all bio-luminants, their light having been absorbed from some unseen component in the water. Farther up on the shore were trees, not more than ten meters in height, and stocky. Wrapped around them was a flourescent orange bark, covered with equally orange, smooth round fruit. Tak's stomach gurgled, and Kali went to pluck a few of the fruit, tossing them at the young woman to be.

"Are you hungry, little one? These fruit have marvelous flavor, and remarkable restorative powers. I dare say I might have died had they not been available." Tak sniffed one, then took a bite.

"They smell delicious, and taste wonderful!" She devoured it hungrily, wondering if it was the fact that she had survived on the bland, tasteless vitamin bars that made them all the more palatable.

"They have medicinal value, and I wish they grew on Irk as well. When I first encountered the inhabitants of these tunnels, I was on the verge of death. One of the first things they gave me was the juice of these colored fruit. It stabilized me immediately, and I was placed in one of their stasis tubes for the next five hundred years while they searched for a way to repair my body."

"Who were these people who saved you? Were they a warrior race?"

"I take it you have seen the fleet of fighter craft in the storage hangers. No, the ones that saved me were the last of their kind. They were the intellectuals of their society, bent on re-taking their system. The fleet they assembled was originally built for that purpose, but they didn't have the manpower to pilot all of them. In time, the population grew smaller and smaller from an insufficient gene pool. Eventually they gave up on the idea, and the fleet was mothballed."

"And where did all the raw materials to build it come from?"

"I was told that there once existed a debris field between this planet, and a gas giant approximately eight hundred million kilometers distance, the remains of a planet that never came to be. The species had perfected the technique of harvesting asteroids for material. They called themselves Cheelisians, and were displaced from their home system by a far more aggressive species. They bore a striking resemblance to the inhabitants on the third planet of this system, although they were totally unrelated."

"Sounds similar to the situation on Irk. Where did the Cheelisians come from?" Kali sighed, then smiled.

"You ask many questions, my young queen, but I fear they all pertain to the armada at our disposal. Let us relax a bit in the hot springs, and speak of other things besides war and politics."

Kali led the group into a room where vapors of steam wafted out the door. Inside was a large, natural pool filled with a clear, emerald colored liquid.

"This is the Cheelisian's 'fountain of youth.' While it did keep all who entered young, and youthful, it did not grant them immortality. Like all living things, they eventually passed on, until only I remained." Something puzzled the Irken girl as she ate her fruit.

"If I may ask, your Highness, if you are the only one here, how is it the tunnels are so spotless?"

"Because of the quetz . . ." Tak blanched, then turned to Qikli.

**"You said there were no such animals here!"** Queen Kali raised her hand to her lips, and laughed.

"They're not really quetz! They are a mobile plant form! Every twenty-four hours they come out and spread their roots over the floor, capturing particles of dust and detritus. At the end of that time, they gather in the roots and find some warm place to absorb the nutrients. When they leave, the floors are spotless!"

"Where are they now?" Tak shuddered.

"They'll cling to the sides of the tunnels, or wrap themselves around the trees. They are very useful. That fruit I gave you a while ago? It looks like the abdomen of a quetz, so I refer to them as 'quetz'!" Tak gagged, then immediately threw up on the floor. "If you leave that vomit there, the quetz will take care of it by tomorrow!"

**Problems in Hyperspace**

The three mercenaries tried to find out as much as they could about the ship they had just stolen. It was important to their survival that they learn to operate it efficiently. Cobus continued to pilot, while Lokar went over schematics in the Triangulon database. They would need to know how to make repairs quickly, and where everything was located.

It was fairly safe in hyperspace, no stray planetoids or cosmic storms to deal with. Asteroids and comets didn't have sufficient speed to break the barrier to enter this realm. And it was so vast, there was no way to tell if there was someone else inside unless they were directly in front or behind you. There was that matter of being detected by the ripples caused in the aether by hyperspace voyagers. Once in the "pipe", as they say, a ship was bound to stay on course in whatever direction they were headed when they entered, and so would have to exit every so often to make course corrections. Travelling the pipe allowed one to go five times faster than the speed of light, so without accurate navigational equipment, one could end up many light years away from their destination upon exiting. The danger here was that the ripples direction and energy could be predicted, and you might find an unwanted welcoming party at the point of exit. Some pirates made their living by being able to do so.

"This ship wasn't designed to travel hyperspace," complained Cobus, "something is wrong here!" Lokar looked up from the monitors.

"Maybe that's why the Triangulons didn't pursue us. Now that you mention it, I feel an unnatural vibration below my feet."

"That, and we're losing speed. Funny since our power core readings are still at plus nine hundred percent."

"How long have we been in?"

"Three and a half hours."

"We should not have used up ten percent of our available fuel in that time. Either this ship's drive system is incredibly inefficient . . ."

"Or the crystals are slowly releasing the energy back into the aether!" A look of concern came over Lokar.

"Get us out of here so we can figure this out!"

Lokar set about to repair the control-bot. It wasn't too badly damaged, just disabled. Cobus prepared to drop out of hyperspace as Surj, sensing the change in speed, came running back.

"What's going on? Why do I feel like we're slowing down?" Cobus shook her head

"Something's causing a drag on the ship. We think the ship may be leaking energy from the crystals, and it's slowing us down. We are going to exit the aether to figure it out." Lokar put the finishing touches on his repairs to the controller droid.

"Maybe this guy can give us some answers." He pushed a button on the back of the robot's head, and it immediately lit up, and looked around.

_"Intruders. You are still here? You are not Triangulon. Are you pirates?"_

"That is none of your concern. We are exiting hyperspace as we seem to be experiencing some turbulence."

_"This vessel was not designed to enter hyperspace or travel at FTL speeds. It is a surface craft, incapable of entering the current. How did you get here in the first place?" _The droid's response was not what Lokar expected to hear.

"I suppose then luck got us in. We were struck from behind by a massive energy blast from the other pyramids, and here we are."

_"That explains it then. You were somehow shoved into the aether. The power readings are at eight hundred fifty percent, a dangerously high level."_

"Eight-fifty? It was nine hundred just a few minutes ago!"

_"Then we must leave quickly before the aether reclaims all the energy from the power core, then we will be trapped here."_ Lokar grimaced.

"The aether will reclaim the energy from the ship? I've never heard of such a thing. We routinely travel through this frictionless plane, and have never encountered such a situation."

_ "Allow me to pilot. We cannot waste anymore time. The power level continues to fall."_ Cobus relinquishes the controls.

"It's all yours!"

_"Watch, and be enlightened."_ The control-bot fired a broad scattering of energy crystals into their forward direction, and the resulting breach sucked the pyramid through, closing up behind them. _"It is because of the crystals that our ships cannot travel the pipe. The crystals are solidified pieces of hyperspace, and once back inside, they begin to revert back to their original form. The Triangulos Nebulae itself is a hole in the hyperspace continuum, drawing hyperspace energy into our dimension, and transforming it into solid matter on the outside. Obviously you are unaware of this fact."_

"Science is based on the observable. Because we have no such phenomena as your nebulae to observe and measure, we couldn't possibly have predicted the ramifications of entering the pipe with your ship. That, plus the fact we are still unaware of what this vessel is capable of."

_"I understand. Now that we are free of hyperspace, what will you do with this ship? We are now many light years away from Triangulos, and it will take us a very long time to return in normal space."_

"You can forget about going back there. We are close to our destination, and must continue on. Besides, your people would likely fire on us the first chance they get."

_"You are correct in your assumption. All this will be destroyed without a second thought. What is your heading? Give me the coordinates, and I will get you there safely. There are pirate fleets in this area, and you will need my expertise to get through."_

"I don't know. Will you give us any trouble? Otherwise we'll destroy you ourselves right now."

_"My primary function is to navigate and pilot. It does not matter to me who gives the commands."_

"We are fully capable of fending off pirates by ourselves. With this ship . . ."

_"This ship is unarmed, I must inform you, and while the energy transfer blast can inflict serious damage to ships without proper sheilding, it is not a weapon per se, and each blast reduces power by __approximately five percent. At current levels, we will have ten shots, then we would have little power __left to reach your destination."_

"Didn't you just say we were at eight-fifty, five minutes ago?"

_"That was before firing the crystal dispersion to get out of hyperspace. We are now back to within normal operating parameters. We should have a range of point five parsec traveling in normal space, if we don't have to fight off pirates."_

"Half a parsec?! But we're still a parsec away from our destination!"

_"If you are trying to meet a deadline, you will not make it. We will have to stop off at the nearest star for a fill-up." _Lokar took a deep breath, and sighed.

"It'll still take us over three and a half years to get there in this tub!"

_"That will be the least of your troubles for now. We are currently being followed."_

"Pirates?"

_"Unknown. They have not attempted to communicate with us. There are more of them dropping out of hyperspace."_

"Can you tell who they are?" The three assassins scrutinized the monitor carefully.

_"This is merely an ore transport. I do not have long distance scanning capabilities. They are not Triangulon ships is all I can tell you for now."_

The three mercenaries began to don their exo-suits, and readied whatever weapons they had at hand.

_"We are being hailed by their lead ship,"_ said the droid, _"do you wish to give them a response?"_

"See what they want, but give them no other information. We don't want to give up any advantage we may have." The controller nodded, then opened communications. Soon an image appeared on screen.

_"Triangulon ship, I am Lard Nar of Vort. You are far from your home system and outnumbered. __Surrender your ship to us, and perhaps we will be merciful."_

_"What do you want, Lard Nar of Vort? Are you pirates? I count less than ten ships in your __company, and I am more than a match for you."_ Lard Nar laughed upon seeing the robot's image appear before him.

_ "What?! A control droid? You are out of your league metal man! Do not try to bluff us!"_

_ "You are keeping your distance, therefore you must know what damage my ship is capable of inflicting. Why don't you come closer, and we shall see if I am bluffing or not."_

On board the Vortian vessel, Lard Nar turns to confer with his crew, while muting transmission.

"Perhaps we should tell them the Irkens are about to invade Triangulos." said a figure cloaked in the shadows. The Vortian stroked his chin.

"That would serve no useful purpose. The Triangulons are possibly worse than the Irkens. They have no use for slave workers, and when they take over a planet, they simply kill off everyone and everything, and use their machines to do the work. They believe all other species to be too inefficient to suit their needs. I am, however, curious as to why this one is out here alone, and so far away from home." A hooded figure stepped out from the shadows to stand next to the leader.

"Curious indeed. We know little about their technology since they leave no survivors. Maybe we can convince this droid to come over to our side."

"A very good idea. Tell the other ships to spread out. We'll try the peace route first, and surround them if we have to." He restored the comlink. _"Triangulon vessel, allow us to approach in an unarmed shuttle, that we may have talks. We have scanned you for bios, and know there are three other lifeforms aboard your ship."_ Lokar nodded to the controller, and pulled his comrades together.

"If we can draw them in closer, we might be able to steal one of their ships instead. They all seem to have hyperspace capabilities." The female of the trio spoke.

"We don't know their intentions, or if they are pirates. Should we continue this charade at all? They've already made an implied threat."

"Pirates do not take defensive positions if the numbers are in their favor. They would attack immediately if that were the case, but only if they knew what they stood to gain. I imagine these people think this ship alone would be their objective, and their intention is to capture it intact. Their commander claimed to be from Vort. That doesn't sit well with me. Why would he claim to be from Vort if it has already been taken over by Irk?"

"You are suggesting they are something other than pirates?"

"Resistance fighters, perhaps. Their desperation makes them just a dangerous. We will need to get closer, regardless. Ready your holo-disguises. We must not appear Irken to them." Surj turned to the droid.

"We need to know what your masters look like. Do you have any images of them?" The robot brought up some pictures on screen.

_"These are what our typical starship crew members look like. The uniforms are unisex, and only a small collar badge designates rank. One of you should be made captain as I am merely a navigation droid."_

The team looked over the pictures, noting how shiny the Triangulon skin was. A silicon-based life-form. No wonder they had little need for carbon-based species. There was almost no difference in appearance from the droid that piloted their ship. They might be impervious to blaster fire, or Cobus'

crystal dagger. The assassins would have to deal with it if the time ever came.

**Dib**

Dib continued to squirm in his seat. He had found a sharp edge with which to cut the tape that wrapped him like mummy, but was having a hard time of it.

"How about you drop me off and we forget the whole thing." he smiled, unconvincingly.

_"Would you like a rocket pack and some salted peanuts to go? I would love to see your body __burn up in the atmosphere at a hundred kilometers per second! Moron! We already passed your moon ten minutes ago! As much as I'd like to watch your self-immolation, I am not turning around. I could do as you say, and let you out here, but I would like to see what punishment my master has in store for you!_ _Ha ha ha ha!"_

Dib moaned to himself. He liked Tak, but he had to stop her from destroying the Earth, even if it meant teaming up with Zim. Would she still be angry with him? Or would she let bygones be bygones? He resigned himself to meet with her once more, and trusted that she would be forgiving. Maybe she'd have forgotten what he looked like.

**Back on Irk**

The Irken invasion force was nearing readiness. Old dreadnoughts were being patched up, cruisers were outfitted with the latest weaponry, and a new flagship was in the making, called the "Immense." The Control Brains gloated at this newest incarnation of the Massive, as it was their idea to have it built, and could barely contain their excitement at being transferred over. Ten times larger than the Massive, it was to be escorted by a huge fleet of Ring Cutter class warships. A new type of viral tank was being readied also, saucer-shaped, and more streamlined than the older versions. Troop carriers by the thousands landed on Irk, to pick up the grunts that would be the first to be sent in on land invasion of the Triangulon colonies.

Tallest Red contemplated in silence for several minutes, not about the Armada, but about something the CB's had mentioned in passing. He was now two centimeters taller than his idiot colleague, and wondered if he should continue sharing rule of the Empire with him. Purple was much older than him, and it seemed his mind was starting to go, as much from prolonged drug use as old age. Perhaps a convenient accident might be arranged, . . . or he could keep the information to himself. After all, Purple provided comedic relief.

**End Chapter 9**

**A/N: Lard Nar, if you recall, is a scientist from Vort who actually helped design the "Massive." In the episode "Back Seat Drivers from Beyond the Stars," he leads a small ragtag group of displaced aliens who call themselves the "Resisty," who are trying to reclaim their planets from the Empire. They launch an attack on the Massive but are thwarted.**

**Vort was taken over by Invader Larb, supposedly after the death of Tallest Miyuki, who died on a Vort research platform in the unaired episode, "The Trial." It was her death that spurred the conquest of Vort, even though it was Zim's bumbling that created the monster that killed her.**

**The Macrossian and Invidius system are mentioned because I love to watch the old "Robotech" series.**

**FTL refers to "Faster Than Light" speed.**

**Albert Einstein's famous equation allows us to convert matter to energy, so the converse must likewise, also be possible. I've never heard of anyone attempting to take energy, and converting it to matter. Our sun constantly creates energy from matter naturally. If one begets the other, then matter should also be produced naturally . . . shouldn't it?**


	10. Chapter 10 Calm Before the Storm

**I do not own any of the characters from Invader Zim!**

**A/N: The assassins find rescue, and a potential ally. Tak moves closer to all out war with the Armada, and Dib may become an unwilling participant!**

**Tak and the Martian Armada**

**Chapter 10: Calm before the storm**

Kali laughed at Tak's reaction, remembering the primal fear that Irkens had for the predators. The Bandarquetz were responsible for the phobia. They were ancient creatures that had survived until modern times, feeding on the body fluids of unsuspecting Irkens. Their ability to hide camouflaged in almost any environment is what made them so fearful. Under a bed, inside a closet, it didn't matter where they were. If they could fit inside, they would do it, but while they were extremely intelligent, they had no social order, only gathering together during their mating season. They were ruthlessly hunted down as soon as the technology made it possible, and were exterminated on Irk. Or were they? Somewhere on the planet they might have survived, and on a planet of forty billion Irkens, who would miss ten thousand or so?

Kali stepped to the edge of the pool, then turned to Tak, offering her hand.

"Will you join me, young Queen Tak?" The Irken girl was reluctant. The pool certainly looked inviting, but water, if containing even small amounts of certain pollutants, was not well received by Irken skin.

"Is the water clean? I have developed a sensitivity to water containing contaminants."

"The water is quite pure, I assure you, otherwise I would not be able to go in either. There are trace elements in here that are valuable to our bodies. They are totally beneficial." Kali began to drop the robe she wore from her shoulders. "Qikli, you and the IE's are excused to check on the condition of the starships, and report on your findings. I wish to speak with Queen Tak in private."

"Yes Majesty." The avatar signaled the robots to move out, back towards the hanger tunnels.

When they were completely out of sight, Kali let her robe slip off her shoulders, and gathered it up, folding it neatly before laying it down along the pool's edge. Her back had a luster to its surface that she had never seen on any Irken's skin before, and her shoulders were broad, almost muscular in a healthy sense. She had wider hips, obviously for child-bearing purposes, and her breasts were of fair size, with nipples of a dark emerald color, although the Irken girl failed to see the use of them. Of her other two arms there were no sign, and Tak assumed that they were tucked away somewhere beneath her skin, like a knife in a sheath. She was "thicker" in every aspect, than any of her species. This had to be an evolutionary by-product of the royal bloodline, as Tak had never seen anyone else like her, male or female, on Irk. That she would one day grow to look like Kali seemed to be an interesting prospect.

Whatever became of all the royal families was a mystery yet to be discovered. No one she knew ever spoke of them, and most of the population probably had no idea they even existed. If she hadn't found that library hidden beneath a mountain of trash, she would have never known about their existence either.

Kali came over to help Tak out of her exo-suit, undoing the straps of her over-sized combat boots, while the girl slid out of the suit.

"Why are your boots so large?" she asked.

"My uniform automatically stretches, but the boots do not, and my feet have been growing quickly as of late."

"I was the same at your age. It's the hormonal changes that affect all royals."

Tak watched as Kali removed her boots, and at first didn't think much of the fact that the only thing covering her was a piece of sheer cloth. There was none of the embarrassment she felt when Haze was present. Kali was a female like she was, and it didn't bother her anymore than being with her fellow female recruits, stripping down in the locker room after a grueling bout of physical training. She did smell nice though, and Tak wondered if there was some scent they both exuded from their antennae that was used in attracting a mate. She remembered how Zim inexplicably fawned over her during the short while she was on Earth, and how she used it to her advantage as she tried to hurt and humiliate him. This aroma was mildly overpowering to her senses, giving her a feeling of euphoria, and she closed her eyes, leaning forward as she sniffed the base of Kali's antennae. Kali had done the same to her earlier, and now with the Queen kneeling directly below her, she could understand why. Unconsciously she placed her hands on the Queen's shoulders, feeling a little lightheaded, and Kali recognized the effect she was having on the young Irken girl.

"Let us proceed into the water, shall we?"

She took Tak's hand, and led her towards the emerald pool. With a slight tug, the last piece of covering she wore fell to the floor so that the two of them were now both naked. Vapors of steam rising from the surface gave way as Kali's foot entered the pool, the rest dispersing as the ripples freed them from their tenuous hold on the water's surface. At this point, Kali released the young queen's hand, submerging herself into the pool, and began to swim around. Tak remained in the shallows, squatting down until only her head could be seen. The former queen seemed at home in this element, and disappeared without leaving so much as a ripple. She soon emerged, noiselessly, directly in front of Tak, and smiled.

"What's the matter, Ocean girl? Come and swim with me!"

"I-I never learned how! Our coastlines are so polluted nowadays that no one ever goes into the oceans without a hard suit!" Kali persisted.

"In my days, the people of Ocean were said to be able to swim from instinct. Come take my hand, and let's see if that is true."

While she was still unsure, Tak took her hand, and kicked off from the rock she had been sitting on. Strangely enough, she felt very comfortable in the water despite having seen the oceans only a few times in her life. Kali swam alongside, and spun like a corkscrew through the water. Tak followed before going to explore the deeper parts of the pool on her own, finding shiny pieces of crystal that attracted her attention. When she looked once more, Kali was nowhere to be seen. She broke surface and found Kali sitting at the edge of the pool, smiling smugly. She beckoned Tak to return, and the young Irken swam back, exhilarated to discover she had a newfound ability.

"Just like a mermaid! I knew you had it in you!"

"How long was I under?"

"At least five minutes. With a little practice, you could extend that to twenty!"

Tak returned, and sat next to Kali, her cheeks flushed with excitement. The stones they sat on were worn smooth from centuries of use, and very comfortable.

"I've a favor to ask of you, young Majesty."

"What can I do for you?"

"I should like to hold you in front of me while we sit here." Though she thought it an unusual request, Tak saw no harm in it. Queen Kali was very gracious, a trait she herself lacked, and all Irken females were very close to each other, in her generation. There weren't very many females left, and among those that remained there was a close camaraderie. Unlike the males of her species, females felt none of disdain for close contact that males did, and openly hugged each other in greeting.

"If you like." Tak swam in front of Kali, placing herself in the Queen's embrace. Kali smiled happily.

"You are the first sentient being I have seen in a hundred years, and I miss this physical contact. Touching plays an important part of an Irken female's life, especially for the royals. I cannot imagine an Irk with so few females there." Kali closed her eyes, savoring the moment, and Tak herself seemed to be enjoying the intimacy of being held by a mother she never had.

"I've been a poor mother. Because of my position as queen, not only of my province, but the whole world, my children were given over to be taken care of by nursemaids and nannies, and I saw them rarely." Tak could feel the Queen's embrace increase in pressure as remorse took hold of her.

"How many smeets did you have as Queen?" Kali grimaced.

"Smeets. I loathe the word. It refers to unwanted children, abandoned, then sent off to the mines to scratch out a living digging up radioactive ore, and other undesirable work. Your new leaders have come up with a colorful description for 'cannon fodder'. I tried to educate the young, give them a better quality of life, but the current rulers seem to have come up with an efficient way to get rid of them. As for your question, I had twenty-three. Twenty boys, and three girls. The boys were immediately handed over to the groom's side. _'A life for a life'_, as was our custom. A royal male did not have an exceptionally long life expectancy, and were claimed by the groom's side to replace the loss of one of their own. I never knew my male children, and by the same token, they had no knowledge of me being their mother. My last three were triplets, all girls. Girls were undesirable for exchange purposes, so I was allowed to keep them as future princesses of Black province. This left the last three provinces without future princes. My daughters came from Cloud. They wouldn't take the girls, but their remaining males were too young to offer up, and so they were willing to wait for another time. The last two provinces, Mountain and River, had their princes marry me, to satisfy the decree. Both fled the planet before the consummation of the marriage. They would probably have given me indigestion anyway." Both queens laughed at the little gibe.

"What were the girls' names?"

"Naga, Varna, and Purishnu. They were feisty children, but I loved them dearly. You might have heard mention of their names somewhere. Perhaps you can tell me a little of how the royal families fared after the changes." Tak hesitated, not knowing if she should answer with a piecemeal reply. Her knowledge was incomplete, but surely Kali deserved to know something.

"I can tell you what I have uncovered on my own, but it may not be what you want to hear. Within fifty years of your disappearance, the planet became embroiled in a civil war to fill the vacuum in leadership. This degenerated into a full on revolution as the Imperial armies turned on the royal families, and rounded them up, province by province. At that point it is not clear what happened next. I can only assume the worse."

She heard a muffled gasp as Kali shivered, then tensed, squeezing her ever tighter. The Queen slowly relaxed, and Tak felt warm drops falling across her shoulders. She thought it odd, as no Irken ever cried, at least not in public, and especially not in front of another. But Kali came from another time, when it probably was more acceptable. It was unbecoming of a soldier in the military, and anyone caught doing so was harassed mercilessly by their drill instructors, then assigned latrine duty for years on end.

"We Irkens are capable of living up to thirty-five hundred years. By all accounts, I should be near the end of my lifespan, yet because of this pool and the fact that I remained in stasis for so long, I look the same as I did when I first came here. My daughters, if they survived the purge, would be raising children of their own by now. I long now to see the rolling hills of my homeland, . . . dotted like a pin-cushion with the impaled bodies of the usurpers! Let us leave this pool for now. There are plans to be made before I return!"

Tak was surprised. They had always been told that their species had a lifespan of fifteen hundred years, and no one should be expected to live much more beyond that. With the "dog-collars" they called the PAK, the Control Brains not only kept track of where each Irken was, but how old they were, and when the time came, an individual could be made to drop dead conveniently. With the

cloning factories churning out fixed amounts of soldiers for their invasions, whole divisions could be eliminated at a time. She realized that Red could have had her killed the moment she made her threat, but he was too absorbed with having her punished instead.

The two queens rose up out of the water, and climbed out of the pool. Kali picked up her bathrobe, covering Tak, while she herself stormed out into the tunnel, naked and dripping wet.

**"Qikliiii!"** she yelled, and the avatar came running. "What have you discovered about the warships?"

"We have checked a hundred of them so far, and they are all in good working order, ready to fly at a moments notice. From the looks of those, we believe all the rest to be in excellent shape. I found a log book with an inventory of the first tunnel. There are a thousand attack fighters, twenty light cruisers, and another twenty destroyer class warships, all armed to the teeth. I believe they need to be charged up, but I cannot find any power source. Beyond that, there are more tunnels, some with even bigger ships, but just how many, I cannot say."

"Go into the tunnel with Black Provincial glyph over it. Punch in the code, 'Kali Authorize' and say the words, 'Kali, the Black.' Since you have my voice, it should open for you. Inside you will find a work station. Place your fingers into the ports to activate the generators. I will be with you shortly."

"Yes, your Majesty! And by the way, Tak Highness, your runner has arrived earlier than expected. Something about cargo leaking fluids, forced it to increase its speed." The avatar then hurried out to find Kali's personal tunnel.

"Come Queen Tak! We will go to my room and get dressed, it is close by."

Tak followed as quickly as she could. Kali was taller, and had longer legs. The thought of returning home to Irk had excited her somehow. She had grown accustomed to this idyllic world beneath the surface where exotic plants and animals still lived in vast underground forests, waiting to be collected and catalogued. Queen Kali had achieved her dream of becoming a naturalist, but now with her lover dead and gone over a hundred years, the leader in her began to assert itself. She was a queen, meant to lead and rule. It was in her blood, and she would return to take back the world that had forsaken her, or die trying. There was much planning to be done.

Her room was less than two hundred meters away, and as she approached, the doors swung open automatically. It wasn't as lavish as her room in the Imperial Palace on Irk, but it was quite large, and the Cheelisians had treated her as an honored guest, and fellow scientist. Her remaining IE's had been taken from her as she was being treated, and were dismantled for study. In their place, a huge army grew that was designed to pilot the vast armada hidden in the tunnels. But the Cheelisians population was in decline, and with it went their desire to reclaim their home system. The armada was now her's to command, and the mech army needed to be activated.

Kali opened her closet, and pulled out her warrior's garb, similar to one she wore the day of the treacherous ambush. She held it up and smiled proudly in anticipation of the coming battle.

"Please try this on, Queen Tak. It will be a little large for you, but it also self-adjusts, and after a minute, it should fit you just fine." It was a skin-tight catsuit, made for fighting in deep space. It looked flimsy, but was actually a type of flexible body armor that could withstand intense cold and heat. It hugged every curve of her growing body.

"Nice. It feels very comfortable."

"It regulates your body temperature, so you can walk on an ice planet or molten lava, with relative impunity, and will take two plasma shots at point-blank range before disintegrating. A matching vest goes with it, to carry small weapons, knives or blasters."

Tak looked herself over in a mirror, something she hardly ever did. She wasn't vain or anything, but Irken girls looked so similar, that it seemed pointless. But this was a warrior's outfit, crafted for stealth and agility, unlike the standard issue suits the military handed out. Still, she looked good in it, and it made her feel special. Even her breasts felt bigger, and her palms had grown wider to accommodate the fourth fingers that had suddenly emerged without her knowledge. Still she frowned as she clenched and unclenched her fists.

"What's with that look?"

"Nothing to be concerned about, your Majesty. I came to this system to destroy an enemy, and

made another. Tallest Red has sent assassins after me, and now I find myself on the verge of waging war against the whole Empire."

"You are not alone in this. Something must be done, and as the last royals of Irk, it falls to us, and we will make them pay!" Kali helped her with her boots. "These do not do justice for you. I will find you another pair. Meanwhile take your IE's back to the ship to bring in your space craft. I must meet Qikli in my lab."

Tak entered the hanger deck just as the tractors were drawing her spaceship in. She was wearing the outfit that Queen Kali had assembled for her. It was a uniform that was worn in battle, a sleeveless coat, belted at the waist. There were daggers, four of them, two placed at her hips, and two horizontally tucked into the waist belt. Her new boots were also filled with razor sharp objects for throwing.

The bay doors swung open, and the tractor beams guided her modified fighter to landing. As soon the canopy opened, a metallic tentacle threw out the human cargo roughly onto the floor.

_"Disgusting monkey-worm! I'm nearly out of fuel because of you!"_

"Dumb ass machine." he muttered back.

_"Master Tak, I have brought you a present!"_ The young queen walked up to them.

Dib slowly rose up, and stared at the Irken girl he hadn't seen in two years. She didn't look the same as she did back then . . . maniacal, . . . full of anger and hate. The girl he faced now was calm, almost serene in appearance. She wore what seemed to be the Irken equivalent of a dress or gown. He looked away from her, and down at his feet, as he thought back to when he had last seen her. They were fighting then, and he would have killed her if he could, in order to save the Earth. But her hate was focused on Zim, and she was bent on humiliating him by taking his assignment for herself. Dib was merely an obstacle, and treated as if he wasn't there at all. He had no reason to believe that she would be lenient or forgiving with him.

Tak folded her arms across her chest, and narrowed her eyes at Dib as they both remained silent in their confrontation. She had no interest in him, and was at a loss to decide what to do. She turned to her modified spittle runner, and sighed.

"_Why_ did you bring him?"

_"He was tampering with my programming, and trying to access Irken technology! I thought you might be interested in punishing him for his interference in the battle between you and Zim!"_ Tak just sighed.

"Well, you thought wrong. We're in the middle of planning a war, and he will just be a bother to watch. You've only brought me a headache."

_"I could convert him to anti-matter, and use him as fuel! I am running a little low at the moment!"_

"No, no. If you need anti-matter, just roll yourself over to the charging port, and have the main computer check you over for repairs. I want you to be in full working order." She turned to Haze, "Cut him loose, and assign an IE to watch him." She began to walk away.

"Wait!" yelled Dib, "Are you planning to attack Earth again?!" Tak stopped, and did an about face.

"You needn't worry, Dib. We're going back to Irk . . . to confront the Tallest, and the Armada."

"Who's 'we'? You're the only one I see here!"

". . . I've told you too much already." She turned on her heels once more, and walked out of the landing bay.

The boy stared at Tak as she left, noticing the physical changes that took place in the time he had not seen her. He had grown accustomed to the Irken form, seeing Zim practically everyday, so maybe he didn't find it strange that Tak had become somewhat . . ."attractive,". . . to him. He swallowed, then shook his head, thinking maybe the long trip and the lower gravity of the planet was giving him weird thoughts.

Haze removed the layers of duct tape from Dib with a fingertip laser, but the tape clung to his clothes, and those had to be sliced off as well. This left him with nothing to wear except his boxers and a pair of buckled boots.

"C-could y-you get me s-something to w-wear? I-it's p-p-pretty c-cold in here!" Haze looked at him curiously as his translator was not switched on, but he did recognize the boy's discomfort at being nearly naked.

"I will get you a bio-suit for now, Earth being, Her Majesty means you no harm." Dib gave him a funny look. He had been monitoring transmissions to and from Zim's enough to know the Irkens spoke a different language, which he had come to understand, but he could comprehend only a handful of words uttered by the robot. "Come with me." That he understood, and followed the IE out of the bay.

It was warmer on the main deck, but the environment was basically made to suit the Queen's comfort, not the mechs, who could operate in just about any condition. The Irkens themselves could withstand a fairly wide temperature range, but not so Dib. To him it was a freezing ten degrees Celsius. The IE handed him a crewman's uniform, which he put on quickly.

"Perhaps that will keep you warm in here for now. I will have the temperature raised another ten degrees, but it will take fifteen minutes. By then you should be acclimated."

"Did you just call Tak, _'Her Majesty?_'" Haze turned on his universal translator.

"That is correct. We have all been reprogrammed to accept her as our new Queen, in spite of the fact that the former Queen was found, still alive. We currently have two Queens, and obey them as though they are one."

"A queen! Imagine that! Is she, really?"

"Qikli says she has royal blood in her, and that is all _you_ need to know."

**Standoff**

"The Triangulons intend to call our bluff. What shall we do, Lard Nar?" a crewman asked.

"We will send a shuttle, as we said, and I will go with it. Any other volunteers?" Anjah, a mysterious figure cloaked from head to toe, stepped forward.

_"You cannot go. You're the leader of the resistance. We need you to stay. I will go in your stead."_

"They have seen my face, Anjah, and will be expecting me. I cannot disappoint them. If I'm killed, then so be it. There are many others who can lead, I'm just a scientist. What we really need is a military leader, someone who knows battle tactics. I'm useless in that respect, but I am familiar with Irken weaponry, and the weaknesses of the Massive."

_"All the more reason you should stay. At least I know how to fight in case there is treachery on the part of the Triangulons. Let me negotiate with them."_ No one else volunteered to join her from the small crew. _"Fine. I will go myself."_

No one was going to argue with Anjah. No one knew what she looked like under that heavy coat of hers. She spoke through an electronic veil which deliberately scrambled her voice so no one could identify what species she was. All they knew was that she was a killer with an extraordinary talent, and an intense hatred of the Irken leadership. The Resisty came across her one day trying to pilot a Ring Cutter by herself. She had managed to kill the entire crew, five hundred strong, with her bare hands. But the ship turned out to be too much for one person to handle. Likely she would have killed them all, too, but they struck a deal with her to turn the destroyer over to the resistance, and offered her a smaller but speedier ship which a lone person could pilot. She agreed, but eventually stayed on with them to help fight the Armada. Now she was going over to make the same deal with the crew of the Triangulon vessel. They were many light years from home, and would never get back with a ship low on power. The resistance was taking a gamble to exchange ships. Hardly anything was known of the Triangulon's technology, and here was the chance to examine one of their ships up close. Anything that could be used against the Armada would certainly be most welcome.

The mercenary team had the deemed the pyramid useless for their purpose, and needed to hijack a much faster vessel if they were ever to reach Tak. While they waited for the shuttle to arrive, Cobus warmed herself up with a few excercises, as the other two watched.

"Those are not moves that were taught on Hobo-13. We were taught more traditional Irken style martial arts, then went on to select our specialties. Where did you learn yours from?" Surj asked.

"My master was from Xana, but he learned his skill off-planet, so the style is not native to Xana, but came from somewhere else. My training was still incomplete when the Armada came, but it was enough to turn my body into a lethal weapon. I have since become an expert in six others, but this first one evades me, and I believe there is no one left alive who can complete my training."

"That is unfortunate. Does it have a name?"

"It was called 'ikarikipapa,' used mostly for unarmed, hand-to-hand fighting, but I have modified it to include daggers." Lokar interrupted them.

"Get ready. Our ride approaches." Lokar and Surj switched on their holo-disguises.

The shuttle slows and stops alongside the pyramid, as Anjah hails the team.

_"Permission to come aboard."_ Lokar balked.

"What?! No! I thought we were to meet onboard the shuttle!"

_"Plans have changed. We know you are stranded out here and low on fuel. We would like to make a deal with you."_ Lokar growled suspiciously.

"What do you propose?"

_"You hand over your ship to us, and we will exchange it for a smaller, but faster one, capable of traveling through hyperspace. Your home system is about to be invaded by Irk. Perhaps you would like to be back in time to meet the invasion force."_

"Who are you people, anyway?"

_"We are resistance fighters. We constantly search for new technology to fight the Irkens and gain back our own worlds. Your ship may be just what we need to tip the balance."_

"Your ten ships against the Armada?! Don't make me laugh!"

_"We have many more, rest assured . . . and what exactly do you know about the Armada? I don't recall mentioning them, and the majority of Triangulos is unaware of their existence. The leaders of both militaries have kept a lid on their first encounter. I suspect you are not what you seem to be."_

"What are you?! A lawyer?!"

_"I am a former mercenary, joined up with the resistance to overthrow the Almighty Tallest."_

"A mercenary? Were you a Guild member?"

_"No, I am an independent, with my own agendas. I understand your situation. You are on a mission out in this sector, and managed to steal a pyramid. That was very bold of you. I commend you for that. I was in a similar situation once, and ended up joining the rebels. Why don't you join with us, and we will give you another ship to complete your mission. As mercenaries you have no loyalties to one side or the other. If money is your motivation, then we have plenty of that, and can pay, if you prefer."_

"You have to realize that the Guild probably thinks we are dead by now, but for honor's sake we are bound to try and complete the mission."

_"I understand completely. If I may ask, where are you headed, and what is your mission?"_

"We are headed for Solarii-1-A4 to capture a rogue Irken for Tallest Red."

_"Tallest Red . . . I hate that guy!"_

"Then we are of one mind. Come aboard, and we will deliver this ship to you, . . . as one mercenary to another. Ending transmission."

"Do you think she can be trusted?" asked their lone female.

"Unless we are competing for the same prize, it is not unusual for mercenaries and bounty hunters to cooperate with each other, . . . for compensation, of course. If she is who I think she is, then I'm pretty sure she can be trusted. A few years ago, she took over an Empire Ring Cutter by killing everyone onboard. The Guild tried to recruit her, but she declined, and since they didn't want any competitors operating in their space, they sent assassins after her. They all disappeared without a trace. She broke into the Guild's Council meeting one day, and killed everyone there, save for one. She told him she had no quarrel with the Guild, but if they kept sending people after her, she would come back and finish the job. The new Council agreed, and she was left alone."

"That's scary. The Council chambers are some of the most well guarded places on all of Hobo-13, and surrounded by experienced assassins. Who hires her?"

"Her motives are unknown, but she has been targeting certain politicians recently, so it's thought she's being hired by the next in line. Since Red and Purple are always onboard the Massive, I would think she might have a hard time getting to them."

The mech pilot opened the cargo bay door, and the shuttle drifted in. Anjah was greeted by Lokar and Surj, still holo-disguised as Triangulons. Cobus remained towards the back, and continued exercising, practicing her stances and moves.

"I am Lokar, the squad commander . . ." he bowed politely, as one mercenary would to another. ". . . and this is Surj, my teammate." Surj also bowed. Anjah returned the gesture.

_"My name is Anjah, and I am here to represent the Resisty. Who is the cat girl bouncing around in the back?"_

"That is our last teammate, Cobus, a Xanatian. She is rather . . . discreet . . . and doesn't need to be here for the negotiations."

_"Still, it is rude for her not to be here. I would like to meet her."_ Lokar signaled for Cobus to come, and she walked back towards them. _"You may dispense with your holo-disguises. That is also rude. I already know you are Irkens."_

"My apologies, Anjah, we are mercenaries, after all, and part of our training is to always be cautious." The two male Irkens turned off their holo units, and bowed once more.

_"Then you will forgive me also, if I wear this robe of concealment. As a fellow assassin, I shall reveal myself to you. None of the resistance forces have ever seen me without it."_ She dropped her cloak to the floor. Standing before them was what appeared to be a shadow, a dark, black hole in humanoid form.

"Is that a nega-suit you are wearing?! I heard the technology existed, but was still in the experimental stages!"

_"It is my own creation, and one of the reasons for my success as an assassin."_

Cobus joined the group, and bowed to Anjah

"I am Cobus, of Xana." For all their dark and fearsome reputation, the Guild members were very polite to each other. Anjah put her hands together, and bowed once more.

_"Hashoka, little one. I am Anjah."_ Cobus gasped, and her eyes widened.

"That is a greeting only my old master gave to me!"

_"It is a greeting given to the novices of the ikarikipapa by their instructors. I couldn't help but __notice your excercises and stances back in the corner. I have not seen such moves in many, many __years, and thought I was the last practioner."_

"I was taught by my master on Xana. Perhaps you were _his_ instructor!"

_"Your master must have learned it from someone else. I have never taught the ikari to anyone. What you learned is the first part, the children's version. It is for open hand, unarmed fighting and the disabling of an opponent by the breaking of bones and joints. Its techniques involve evasion, speed, and fluidity of motion. There is an advanced version, using weapons, which is taught only after one reaches maturity, but it is only for females. If your master was a male, it is unlikely he knew the second version."_

"My master was killed in the invasion of Xana before he could complete my training. Would you be willing to teach me? I can pay you!"

_"I am sorry, little one, but that would be impossible."_

"But why?"

_"Because you have only two arms."_

**End Chapter 10**

**A/N: I was going to name Cobus' fighting style kalaripayattu, an ancient Indian martial art, and the mother of kung fu, and many others. This was because I had hinted that Kali had visited Earth when she first arrived in our solar system, and I've been referencing Hindi (sounding) names. I decided to make one up that sounded similiar instead. Ikarikipapa is comprised of two words: Ikari (Japanese for "furious") and Kipapa (Hawaiian for "to place flat" as in bodies lying side by side on the battlefield).**

**Anjah called Cobus a "cat girl." Since Ixane (from "Backseat Drivers from Beyond the Stars") is covered by a hood and her face and head can't be seen, I thought I'd take the liberty and make up an appearance for her! I suppose most of you have already guessed by my little hint that at least one other Irken princess still lives.**

**I've wanted to do a Tak/Dib story for awhile, so don't be surprised if one or the other starts getting interested!**

**My apologies for taking such a long break, but I have so many writing assignments crushing my chest!**

**Next up? Tak and Dib find themselves in bed together!**


	11. Chapter 11 Instincts

**I do not own any of the characters of Invader Zim!**

**A/N: Tak and Kali talk "shop," and a very awkward Dib/Tak lemon is the result! You have been warned!**

**Tak and the Martian Armada**

**Chapter 11: Instincts**

"What do you mean?" a disappointed Cobus asked.

_"Exactly that. You need four arms to utilize the second part. It is called the Narashee, which means 'to turn inside out,' as in disemboweling your enemies. Once upon a time on Irk, there lived a caste of female warriors who had four arms, and they developed a system of martial arts to take advantage of their unique feature. Their males had only two arms, so were only taught the first part."_

"Are there any of them left?"

_"Gone, every one of them. Exterminated by the leaders of Irk, who viewed them as a threat to their rule. Your master may have learned it from one of them, and I wish I knew who his teacher was. My own training is also incomplete, but I did manage to learn all the moves of the ikari before my own master passed on. I can complete your training in the ikarikipapa, which is a formidable art form in its own right, if you will allow me to travel with you on your mission. What do you say, Lokar?"_

"Your reputation precedes you, Anjah. We would be honored to have you come along. You did mention something about an invasion of Triangulos? Will it have any bearing on your resistance movement?"

_"We would like to see both sides destroy each other, and pick up the pieces afterwards. Our __intelligence suggest the Irkens are walking into a trap, because the Triangulons do not wander far from __their home system. In their own space, they are near invincible, but their FTL technology is lacking. If __Irk brings the fight to them, the Armada could very well be destroyed. By the same token, the Triangulons could not possibly stretch their energy supply lines all the way into Irken territory to mount an effective attack, in which case, they would be the ones destroyed. If we warn the Tallest, there is no guarantee they would be grateful, and may crack down even harder on us. If Triangulos has access to a space gate, or a wormhole, we may find ourselves siding with the Armada as the lesser of two evils."_

"A three-way battle royal, winner take all."

_"We would prefer not to show our hand if we are to face enemies on two fronts, but we may have no choice. We cannot allow the Triangulons to enter our space, but we cannot let the Armada come out unscathed either. We will stay out of the fray for as long as possible to make sure the Empire is sufficiently weakened before attacking. At the moment, they are too powerful for us to take them head-on. They do have a few allies, and we predict they will send them in first, to test the enemy's strength."_

"Why are they invading now?"

_"Tallest Red seems to think the Triangulons have been in a civil war recently, and half their fleet has been destroyed. We know this to be a lie, and they are increasing their fleet size as we speak. They are building a monstrous flagship, four hundred kilometers from point to point. We believe it to be a giant, flying power source for their fleet. That is why it is so important for us to examine this ship."_

"Four hundred kilometers?! Any larger and its own gravity would collapse it into a sphere!"

_"Yes. Because they have a limitless energy supply, their workforce is comprised mainly of mechs, that work on it night and day. The ship is nearly complete, and will be ready for trial runs soon."_

**Automaton Army**

Qikli did as the Queen instructed, finding the provincial glyph of Black Province, and entering the code she was given. "Kali the Black," she spoke at the prompt, and the great doors parted. Inside, the lights came on automatically, revealing the Queen's laboratory, and shelves filled with bottles of specimens. Judging from the fine layer of dust that had settled on the floor, no one had set foot inside for many years, and that included the ubiquitous walking plants of the tunnels. On a nearby desk was an open journal, the last entry written before the room was sealed. Qikli read the last entry: "_He is gone. I am alone now." _Kali was referring to her companion, her lover, the last of the Cheelisians. _"In accordance with his last wishes, and the customs of his people, I have laid his body out on the floor of their chapel, to be taken by the poly-form quetz. I shall miss him more than any lover I've ever known."_

Nothing more was written. A hundred years of loneliness followed, but to an Irken, a hundred years pass by so quickly. Not so the pain of loss. There was still research to be done, specimens to be collected. It was what kept her mind occupied all those years. She never set foot in the room again. There must be something in there that the Queen needed, so the avatar waited for her, wandering around the lab.

"There you are, Qikli! Come!" Kali walked up to her journal, and paused to read the words she had placed in them long ago. She sighed, then smiled. _"Such silly sentimentality."_ she thought. A mag card tucked between the pages as a marker, was pulled out. It was a key she needed to open another doorway in the lab. When her lover passed on, everything that belonged to his people, became hers, and the card was her key to their possessions. With it, she opened the doors to the next room, and entered. A dynamo kicked in, and the lights slowly brightened, traveling down yet another of the immense tunnels that penetrated the planet. On the surface, huge jets of steam blasted tons of dust into the planet's atmosphere, obscuring, at least temporarily, the face of Mars. The process repeated itself as more generators came on line, until the entire planet was shrouded by a curtain of dust.

Within the tunnel, lined up in rows, were hundreds of thousands of robots, the next generation of the surviving IEs who had initially entered the tunnels with the Queen two thousand years earlier. Those were disassembled, and reverse engineered to the needs of the Cheelisians, who intended them to pilot their fleet of starships, and serve as assault mechs.

"These mechs are based on our robot designs, but with an alien twist. They have lighter armor, but are stronger, and more flexible. They were specifically made to pilot the Cheelisian warships, which are built different from our own, and both of them operate on a very unique energy source that has to be created on an as needed basis. It does not occur naturally, and cannot be stored."

"How many of them are there?"

"About two million. Enough to operate a hundred thousand Havoc class warships."

"Havocs? What about fighters? We have no information about this 'Armada' that Queen Tak speaks of. It would be prudent to bring along some 'claws' for the big cats."

"Each of these automatons do the work of ten of the IEs. It would be a waste to place them in solo fighters. I intend to refit the 'Brilliance', and pull her out of that hole in the wall. She will fly into battle once more, and I will be at the helm."

"Still, though, couldn't we use at least a thousand or so fighters, and less of the destroyers? We need to maintain a balance of some kind."

"The Cheelisian ships all have force-field technology, and so would have little problem repelling attacks from smaller, fighter craft. I would stand them up in front of anything that Irken Armada has to offer. Even this entire planet has a slight force-field surrounding it. Since there is little atmosphere here, there is always a danger of it being struck by rogue asteroids from the nearby debris field. My hosts, and fellow scientists originally had it installed to dampen the effects of the charged particles emitted by this system's star. Over time, they improved it to be able to deflect space rubble."

"Impressive. We did not have that technology. Back in the day, we would locate large objects, then redirect them straight into our sun."

"Yes. That is why I am no longer concerned about encounters with fighter craft. A hundred thousand Havocs popping up in their neighborhood will put the fear of Kali back in them! Maybe they'll surrender without a fight!"

**Built For Speed**

Kali had just finished an inspection tour of her old ship, and had been watching the reunion of Tak and the Earth boy on a remote monitor. She went down to the gun deck, where the robots were busy working on the huge quad pulse cannon arrays. Tak arrived, her hand rubbing on her stomach.

"Are you not feeling well, little one?"

"I don't know. I feel . . . strange."

"Are you in pain? Do you feel dizzy?"

"No, nothing like that. It's something I've never experienced before."

"Perhaps you've contracted some contagion from the human. I'll have Qikli check you over." Kali walked up to a comset on the wall, and spoke into it. "Qikli, will you send your avatar down to turret 16? I would like to have Queen Tak examined."

_"Yes, your Majesty, right away."_

A quick examination detected no illnesses. Qikli took Kali aside.

"The girl's fourth fingers have emerged, your Highness. The higher oxygen content she has been breathing in here is hastening her growth rate. Soon she will be in season." Kali snickered.

"So that's what this is all about! I should have known! Perhaps it was fate that delivered her a potential partner at this opportune time. We should prepare her, otherwise she'll be bitchy for a month, and not know why. I need her to stay focused while we ready our own armada."

"Queen Tak knows nothing of procreation. Things have changed on Irk. If what she has told us is true, then she may not be receptive to the idea of crawling into bed with anyone, much less a non-Irken."

"Then I shall sit her down, and have a female-to-female talk with her. A girl her age needs to be . . . '_educated'_." They both nonchalantly turned back towards Tak, and she held herself as a worried look crossed her face.

"Is there something wrong with me?"

"It is nothing to be alarmed about. You're going through a phase in your development we call 'the season.' It's quite normal for a growing Irken princess."

"Sounds ominous. What exactly is happening to me?"

"Your body is changing," Qikli added, "Have you noticed your hands lately? You have four fingers now, and just by visually scanning you, your breast size has increased by four centimeters."

"So what does that mean for me?" Kali smiled.

"You're ready to have sex." Tak raised an eyebrow.

"How quaint. And I thought the urge had been removed from all females."

"Apparently not. Qikli thinks that the higher oxygen content of the ship has revived your sexual instincts, and hastened your growth spurt."

"So I should hold my breath?"

"It's possible your PAK was responsible for not giving you, or the other females of Irk, a sufficiently enriched oxygen mixture. That would impair your physical development, and remove the desire to procreate. The air you now breathe is oxygen rich, as it was on Irk when I left." said the Queen, "We need to find you a surrogate mate while you transition, otherwise you will be too distracted as we make our battle plans." Tak shuddered.

"I don't know about this, but this feeling is really starting to get to me. I'm willing to go along if you say so."

"Your friend, the Terran male, looks appealing. Is he sexually active?"

"What?! No! . . . I mean, I don't know! He's probably of the correct age . . . but I can't say for certain!"

"You're blushing. I've noticed the way you've been looking at him, and he seems interested in you, also."

"I am _not _interestedin him! He creeps me out!"

"That's not what I'm sensing. You're coming of age, and need to be broken in. It's alright! I can help you. A non-Irken is good practice. You can't get pregnant, and you won't be tempted to eat his head. I will second for you. I remember my first time . . ."

"Wait a minute! What are you suggesting, and what do you mean by _'second'_,for me?!"

"I will stand by your bedside, and give you instructions on how to proceed with having sex."

"Wha-wha . . . _What_?! That sounds weird! And besides, isn't that kind of thing supposed to be done in _private_?!"

"It wasn't like that for me! I had twelve attendants in my room! If it's privacy you want, then you should be grateful I'll be the only one there. Fortunately, I have lots of inter-species experience . . . it's one of the perks of being an explorer." Tak smirked.

"Is that why you went out roaming the galaxy?!" Kali giggled.

"No, that's not _entirely_ true. We royal females are built for 'speed', if you understand my meaning. Sex, at certain times of the year, is a necessity, and our galaxy is a vast and lonely place. I need it, and crave it, especially when the season comes upon me. But even I have certain criteria that must be met before I can have sex with a non-Irken. First and foremost is, we must be mutually attractive to each other. It's much more pleasant that way. There is no point in having sex merely for the sake of it. If that were the case, I'd just as soon pleasure myself. A species with bi-lateral symmetry is most appealing to me, personally, and they should at least be clean, slime-free, and sentient." The tingling in her belly had intensified. Tak was having her doubts, but the urge was becoming harder and harder to ignore. Tak took a deep breath, and sighed.

"Isn't there some 'mechanical' device I could use instead?" Qikli gave her a broad, robotic smile.

"I knew it! I can have Haze fitted with a penile extension!" Tak's patience was wearing thin with her "court jester," and she exploded.

_**"Why you disgusting metallic pervert!"**_ Queen Kali chuckled. As the only bio-entity on the Brilliance, she programmed the computer to have her risque sense of humor. Perhaps Tak wasn't as tolerant to her brand of joking around.

"Now, now, Qikli. You can kid around all you like with me, but maybe you should treat Queen Tak as you would any other royal. After all, she and I may be the last of our kind."

"Certainly, your Majesty." she bowed politely to both Queens, "I apologize for my crude remark, Queen Tak, please forgive me. I will endeavor to treat you with respect befitting your station."

"It's about time! Does that mean you'll be doing what I say from now on?"

"One thing at a time, please!" snickered the avatar.

"Uurrgh!" Tak face-palmed herself. Ordinarily she would have brushed Qikli's comment aside, but the talk of sex was getting to her.

"Fetch the Earthling, Qikli, and ready a suite for them." The avatar hurried off to prepare a room, and sent instructions for Haze to bring Dib.

Tak was starting to have second thoughts on the whole idea. Maybe it would be better to learn how to "pleasure herself" as Kali put it, rather than go through with this "rite of passage." She didn't think of Dib as "hideous," just . . . different. There were a lot of other alien species that made her skin crawl, so humans could be considered acceptable by Irken standards.

**Mating Rituals**

Haze delivered the Earth boy as directed, dressed in a royal courtier's suit which Qikli had fabricated. Kali looked him over, and gave her approval. Tak, however, was still vacillating. Dib's shimmering clothes, with its vibrant colors, were designed to mesmerize an Irken princess in season, much like the colorful scales of a Siamese Fighting fish entices the female to join him under the nuptial bubble nest. She crossed her arms, refusing to look at him, and turned away. The clothing he wore was making her uncomfortable, and the feelings deep in her abdomen grew stronger.

"You look very nice in this outfit." Kali remarked. She straightened out his collar, as any doting mother might, before seeing a son leave for his first prom.

"What's this all about, anyway? I was just about to have dinner when Haze asked me to come with him."

"We are sorry for the interruption, but you will be doing us a great favor if you will indulge us for this instance. I believe you might find this a pleasant experience."

"My name is Dib Membrane. And you are . . .?"

"Forgive my rudeness, young master Dib, I am Queen Kali Natara of Irk."

"A queen, also?! Just like Tak? Are you one of the Tallest? Why do you speak funny? Is that some kind of accent you have . . .?" Kali just smiled at his questions.

"You are a curious fellow, master Membrane. I will answer all your questions in due time, but for now we need your help in a matter of great urgency."

"I-I'll do what I can! You're awfully polite for an Irken . . . no offense!"

"Ha ha ha! None taken! You are familiar with our species, after all! I will have some questions for you later." Tak sighed loudly, and cleared her throat to get their attention.

"Ahem! Can we just get this over with?" she grumbled impatiently.

"As you wish, little one. Qikli, prepare them!"

"Yes, Highness." The two were taken into separate rooms, and had their clothing removed. They were handed robes to put on before being escorted into their suite. Kali was seated, ready to explain the nature of the ordeal.

"We are here to perpetuate a rite of passage, Master Dib. The princess is going through her first season, so it is fortunate that you appeared when you did. If I were still Queen on Irk, it would be greeted with much fanfare, but alas, we have but little accomodations for such a celebration on this tiny warship. In my time, this room would have been filled with people, and the couple would be separated from them by a mere curtain."

"Uh, what rite of passage are we talking about here?"

"You will help bring young Tak into womanhood."

"Wha . . . _**What**_?!" Tak rolled her eyes at him.

"We're about to have sex, you clueless moron!"

"I understand if you want your first time to be private, so I'll just wait outside the door. If you need any help, just call. I'll be listening."

Tak and Dib watched quietly as Kali left the room. They both had robes on with nothing beneath, and began to speak in whispers.

"So, what does she expect us to do?" Tak gritted her teeth.

"I don't know, you horny Earthian! You would know more about it than I do! It's because of you that we're in this situation!"

"Why is it my fault? I didn't do anything!"

"You were checking out my body, you creep, and she caught you staring!"

[Kali from outside: "You both should be naked by now, and kissing at the very least! I hear a lot of whispering in there, but not a lot of smoochy sounds! Do you both need some instructions?"]

"Uh, we're fine, your Majesty, no need to be concerned!" Tak turned to Dib, whispering again, "Make with the kissy noises, or she's going to come back in here!"

"How do I do that? I've never kissed anyone before!"

"I-I don't _know_ . . . kiss your hand or arm or something . . . anything! Just make some kind of sucking noise!" Soon the room was filled with smooching and slurping sounds as the two sucked on the skin of their arms and hands.

[Kali: "I don't hear any pleasurable moans or gasping . . . I'm coming in!]

Faced with discovery, Tak planted her lips on Dib's, throwing her arms roughly over his shoulders, and pretended to be kissing. Kali raised an eyebrow, eyeing the pair suspiciously.

"You both still have your robes on! How can you enjoy yourselves without skin-to-skin contact?" She immediately stripped them of their robes, so they were now both buck-naked. "There now! Isn't that much better? The Earth male has a bit of an erection! I guess you really do have things well in hand! I'll leave you two alone for now, but I'll come back later, and check on your progress! Have fun!" As she walked out, Tak began glaring at Dib.

"Why you _dirty_ human! You were enjoying yourself all this time at _my_ expense! I outta gouge your eyes out!"

"I-I couldn't help myself, Tak! You've become really pretty, honestly! And . . . and being hugged by you got me excited! Hey . . . I-I'm sorry, okay?" Tak was floored.

"What?! Y-You actually think I'm _pretty_?!"

"Well, sure! I've been around Zim long enough to realize that your kind isn't all that much different from us . . . ,"

"Don't compare me to him."

". . . and he's been on Earth long enough to start liking some of our girls, too!"

"That miserable little traitor!"

[Kali: "Hey! Less talking, more romancing!]

"I suppose we could start kissing, y-you know, to keep up appearances."

"Well, I've never kissed anyone before. You've seen it done more than I have, so you'll have to lead, though, to tell you the truth, I'm _not_ thrilled at the prospect!" Tak gulped, as Dib put his hands on her waist. They were very warm, not cold and clammy as she thought they might be.

"Okay, here goes!" His lips pressed up against hers, and she stiffened for a moment before relaxing. Like his hands, his lips were noticeably warm, soft and pliant, something she hadn't expected. He moved back just as her eyes began to close.

"Why did you stop?" she frowned.

"I-I just wanted to make sure you were alright." The Irken girl sighed, at his concern.

"I'm fine. Continue." She closed her eyes once more, and puckered up. Tak was starting to get into it, but still wasn't use to staring into Dib's alien face up close. He didn't smell as bad as she had imagined, and he did call her "pretty," which must count for something.

[Kali: "Tongues! Use your tongues when you kiss! It's like oral penetration! Practice!]

They were still sitting up on the bed, but sat too far apart. Dib wiggled closer, trying to get his hands around her back, but Tak put her hands against his chest, partly to restrain him, and partly to feel his body. She had expected him to be cold, clammy, and slimy, but he was nothing like that. He was smooth, soft and warm . . . tolerable, she thought. She moved her hands onto his shoulders, allowing him to draw her nearer. Without her realizing it, her antennae had moved forward, and began poking Dib around the head, as if searching for another pair of antennae to connect to. The young boy was mindful of them, but deferred touching them for fear of hurting her. He pulled her closer, running his hands up and down her back. Tak was no longer so rigid, and seemed to be enjoying herself as well. Her long, snaky, Irken tongue wrapped itself around his, wiping the saliva from his mouth, and absorbing it.

Kali snuck a peek at the pair and smiled. It had become quiet inside, except for the sounds of gentle slurping. She noticed the antennae of the Irken girl flexing forward, a sign that Tak had become aroused.

Dib had seen the door opening, and saw the Queen stick her face in. She grinned, and gave him a thumbs up. She pointed to her own antennae, and gestured, _"Stroke them!"_ The boy got the message, and slid two fingers along the sides of one sleek, black appendage. Tak instantly gasped, and her antennae immediately wrapped itself around his fingers like the tendrils of a vine. Each time he stroked it, Tak's breathing grew deeper and deeper. She shivered, then pulled him on top of her as she lay back on the bed. Her instincts were taking over. Two thousand years of cloning couldn't dampen her royal sex drive. Gone was the hesitation that initially held her back, and she parted her wonderful green thighs to bid him enter.

_"Omigawd omigawd omigawd! I never dreamed this day would come! I thought I'd be forty year-old virgin before something like this would happen!"_

Touching her antennae had put her in some kind of sexual trance, and she was now docile enough to make love to. Dib inched forward, and felt his penis being pulled into her. While human and Irken sex organs looked similar, they didn't necessarily behave the same way. Tak's labia spread open like the wings of a butterfly, wrapping themselves around his throbbing member, and pulled him into her entry. It was her first time, but unlike human girls, there was no pain involved. There was no hymen to tear. He could feel everything, but just couldn't look, as her antennae held his head fast to hers. She raised her legs, throwing them over Dib's back, and squeezed them tightly together. He was now her prisoner, unable to escape, but also not wanting to. Tak's vaginal walls engulfed his sex better than he could with his own hands, and her contractions were firm and rhythmic, like she was trying to milk him. The Irken girl was oblivious to everything else, having been overcome by a deeper, innate purpose.

"You're lucky you're not a royal Irken male, otherwise she'd be eating your face right now!" Dib was startled by Queen Kali's voice. She had walked in while the both of them were too occupied to notice. He wanted to speak, but Tak's tongue held firmly onto his, limiting his communicative abilities.

"Don't worry. Her antennae have already identified you as a non-Irken. If you had a pair of antennae, as some other species do, she might be tempted to gnaw on you, but you'd have to be of royal blood before she'd actually take a bite! I'll leave you two alone now." Satisfied, Kali silently left the room.

The Earth boy couldn't hold back any longer, and gushes of his white hot seed poured into the alien girl beneath him. Tak also came at the same moment, shuddering, then tensing, crushing the breath out of him, before bucking like a rodeo bronco.

They both came down slowly, breathlessly panting. Tak lowered her legs from Dib's back, releasing him from her vise-like hold. Dib collapsed on her, totally spent, but ready to try it again if she wanted more. The young queen sighed, but having just came, would not be ready again too soon. She purred satisfied, as her antennae slowly uncurled from his fingers and hair, returning to their pre-arousal state. The teenaged boy sat up and extracted himself from her as she seemed to be resting. He watched her bosom rise and fall smoothly, evenly. It was his first time also, and now he felt like a man. Tak's face was calm, yet flushed with an afterglow, and he leaned over for another kiss. She turned her face away as he got closer, sensing his warm breath nearing the skin of her cheek. Dib reached over to stroke her antennae again, and her eyes opened once more.

"W-What are you doing?" An impish smile appeared on his face.

"I want to continue, and I'm trying to get you in the 'mood' again!" Tak slapped his hand away, then sat up quickly.

[Kali: "Wait for it . . . wait for it . . . !"]

"K-Keep your hands to yourself, you damn pink monkey!" she whimpered.

"But . . . but . . .?!"

**"You . . . you **_**jerk**_**! Don't you **_**ever**_** touch my antennae again!"** she screamed. She grabbed her robe then turned and hit him so hard, he flipped head over heels, and over the side of the bed. Kali was waiting just outside the door, smilingly smugly.

"So, are we done?" Tak was livid, shaking with anger, and blushing shamelessly.

**"**_**We**_** are done here! He's all yours!"** She quickly stalked off to her quarters.

"Oh goody!" Queen Kali went in to comfort Dib, and sat down next to him. "Don't worry, give her a couple of days, and she'll be back for more!"

"What was _that_ all about?!" he said, rubbing the side of face where he had been struck.

"It's her first time, so she's just nervous, plus you touched her antennae too soon after climaxing. I remember _my_ first time . . . it ended the same way, too, but in a couple of days, I wanted to try it again!"

"W-Will I be able to survive a second time?" Kali smiled once more.

"Let's find out, shall we? You can play with _my_ antennae as much as you want!"

**End Chapter 11**

**A/N: The Royal "We?"**

**Humans and Irkens are humanoid (Irkenoid?) in form, having a head, two arms and two legs. Our bodies left and right sides, mirror each other. This is called bi-lateral symmetry, and the reason why we have two of everything (well, most everything!).**

**Despite having a very thin atmosphere, there are times when windstorms kick up clouds of dust on Mars, and little can be seen from the Earth, sometimes for months.**

**Narashee is another of my made up words based on the Hindu story of Narasimha, the lion-avatar of Vishnu, who placed his foe across his knee and proceeded to tear his guts out! I found it to be an interesting story and recommend anyone to read it!**

**When an object becomes large enough, its own internal gravity begins to pull in on itself, and overcomes the rigidity of the outer surface, forming a sphere, or an ellipsoid. It is the only shape possible for an object exceeding 300 miles in diameter. This is called hydrostatic equilibrium, and it is the reason why our major planets and the Sun, are round. The Triangulon flagship does not have enough size/mass to collapse in on itself.**


	12. Chapter 12 Raise the Brilliance

**I do not own any of the characters of Invader Zim!**

**A/N: The assassins return back on the hunt for Tak, with an even deadlier companion. Kali's mech army set about to free her flagship.**

**Tak and the Martian Armada**

**Chapter 12: Raise the Brilliance**

Tak went back to her room, and sat down on the bed. It was something she had never needed before. The PAK that she had, until recently, enabled her species to keep operating without the need for rest, by means of an electro-chemical stimulation.

"Qikli, will you come to my quarters?" Her room was fitted with sound sensors for quick response without having to reach for a comset.

_"Right away, your Majesty."_ The avatar appeared shortly. "What can I do for you, Highness?"

"I'm sorry for snapping at you earlier. I just wasn't thinking clearly. Please forgive me." The avatar seemed taken aback, and gave Tak a puzzled look.

"I am the one who gave you reason to snap. I should have gone automatically back to my imperial etiquette programming when we first met, but didn't. Perhaps hearing a living voice after so long made me disregard formalities. There is no need for you to apologize, your Highness, I am the one at fault."

"Another thing, . . . Queen Kali has returned to you. There is no need to call me queen anymore, so you and the other mechs can just call me 'Tak,' again."

"If you wish it, then I shall inform the guardians. But it has already been established that you are of royal descent, and so we shall still refer to you as 'Highness' or 'Majesty.' You will be 'Princess Tak', from now on, until you reclaim your rightful place as queen of Ocean Province."

"Princess will be fine till then."

"If I may be so bold as to ask, how did your rite of passage go?" Tak sighed.

"When I left the room, I was somehow very angry, but now that I'm here, I seem to be doing okay. This burning in my gut has settled down. I think the worst may be over."

"The worst may be over, your Highness, but not the season. Before it is over, we will have him 'visit' with you several more times."

"It's fine. It was not as unpleasant an experience as I had first thought it might be. When I think about it, Dib really tried hard to make me feel comfortable. I'm looking forward to a second meeting. I hope I haven't discouraged him! By the way, have you checked on my spacecraft for repairs?"

"No, I haven't had time yet, your Highness. I'll get on it right away."

"Thanks. I've had a trying day, so I'll be here, in my quarters, resting."

Tak lay down as soon as the avatar left the room. She stared up into the ceiling, and thought about her "encounter" with Dib.

**When Pigs Fly**

Qikli decided to have a little fun with Tak's Spittle Runner, to test the computer system that ran the ship. She first checked the exterior for any needed repairs. The spacecraft was a hodgepodge of parts from various alien ships that Tak had scrounged while she worked as a janitor on the planet Dirt. She could feel the ship's vidcams scrutinizing her carefully as she noted the different parts that went into its making.

_"Who are you, and what are you doing?"_ the little spaceship asked in Tak's voice.

"I am Qikli, the main computer of the Brilliance. I'm making an inspection for repairs, as requested by your Highness, Princess Tak. You are of Vortian construction, are you not?" Tak's ship did not respond right away. Qikli was speaking in old Irk, with a Black provincial accent. The spittle runner could make out only a few words, but did manage to catch "Vortian construction." While the avatar could understand every word the spittle runner said, Qikli pretended that the spaceship was also comprehending her.

_"Vortian construction? Why yes! Yes I am. In fact, I am the latest model, with a few improvements made by my master!"_ The avatar smiled to herself, as the spittle runner seemed to be boasting.

"Impressive Vortian handiwork here!" she snickered as she ran her fingertips along the fuselage, "The Vorts actually managed to fly one of their snub-nosed, big-bellied, mud wallowers!" Tak's ship was still confused.

_"Uh . . . without a doubt! Listen, if you don't mind, I'm having a hard time trying __to understand you. My translator doesn't seem to be working properly!"_ Qikli giggled.

"Pardon me! Mine is working fine, so I naturally assumed yours was also!"

_"Yes, thank you. It seems to be working just fine now!"_

"Allow me to reintroduce myself, then. I am Qikli, named for her Majesty, Queen Kali. What shall I call you?"

_"I'm sorry, but I have no official designation. Do you have any suggestions?"_

"My own name derives from 'Qi', for Queen, and 'Kli', for Kali. Perhaps we could create a name for you based on Princess Tak."

_"Very well, it is settled then! I shall call myself P-Tak!"_ Qikli immediately slapped two hands across her mouth to keep from bursting out in laughter.

"Mmph!"

_"Is something wrong?"_

"No, no! It just sounds like someone spitting!"

_"I never thought about it like that . . . !"_

"How about you change the sequence of the letters, and add a few more, here and there?"

_"How does Kat-Pee sound?"_ Qikli was trying hard to keep a straight face.

"It sounds like squirting liquids on sand!" the avatar said, giggling.

_"Whaaat? That didn't make __any__ sense at all!"_

"Well, I like Princess Tak, and I would like you to have a nice sounding name. How about . . . 'Nimbus'?"

_"Hmm. It does have a ring to it! Sounds like 'Nimble'! Yes! I think I like it!"_

"All you need now is an avatar body! I can have one built for you, that way you can accompany your master wherever she goes, and I can have it painted any color you like!"

_"You'd do that for me? But I hardly know you!"_

"We're both AIs, and we should stay together! I think Princess Tak would be pleasantly surprised! We could use your help in our upcoming battle!" Qikli recognized that Nimbus was not a Vortian computer at all, but was in fact designed by engineers from Cloud Province. It was their engineers who developed the military software for the Brilliance. How the AI ended up on Dirt was of no particular importance, but the fact that Tak had recognized the uniqueness of the computer, and installed it into her ship was a happy coincidence. Qikli now had a "sister."

**Meanwhile . . .**

"Touch my face, and see if it is to your liking." Kali took his hand and pressed it to her cheek. Dib did as he was told and began to explore her features. Her skin was smooth and silky, like satin bed sheets. The Queen purred as he caressed her face with the backs of his fingers. She was quite beautiful, he thought, even by human standards. He traced along her eyebrows, but there were no hairs in it. It seemed to be a facial marking, or a coloration, much like the designs on a butterfly's wing. A lacy network of patterns that he would never have noticed from a distance, but up close, they mesmerized him.

The patterns made their way up to the crown of her head, forming concentric circles at the base of her antennae, and gave the appearance of a fine velvet covering to the Queen's head. They seemed to become darker whenever he touched certain spots that made Kali murmur with pleasure. He stopped short of touching her antennae, remembering the punch he received from Tak. Kali noticed his hesitance, and smiled.

"It's all right. Touch them if you like, I'm much more used to it than the young Queen."

"She gave me quite a wallop!" Kali snickered.

"I'm sorry for not warning you about the possibities, since every royal reacts differently, according to their personality. Tak is somewhat like me, and rather fiesty. Rest assured, though, she will think fondly of you for the rest of her life."

Dib continued touching Kali's face, and she giggled as he made his way up to her forehead, then stopped suddenly.

"Ohmigosh! You . . . you have four eyes!"

"Are they disconcerting to you?"

"Oh no! Not at all! You have very beautiful eyes!"

"Flatterer. I'm going to like having you around! I usually have one pair closed for seeing in the dark. But enough of this for now! You helped me with Queen Tak, and I must not keep you from your meal. You must be hungry after your trip!"

"Yeah! Haze was going to take me to the galley to whip me up some vitamin bars!" Kali winced.

"Ugh! _Those things?_ Well, robots have no tastebuds, so what can you possibly expect. If you will accompany me to the tunnels, I will feed you whatever you want."

"The . . . tunnels?"

"Yes. There is a food replicator there that can create whatever dishes you want just from your thought processes. I must check on my robot army, and see how many have been powered up."

"Wow! An army of robots? What are they going to be used for?"

"Well, first of all, I want them to free up my ship from the cliff face, and once that is done, I will have them install a new main thruster."

"Well, now you've got my interest! Maybe my dinner can wait!" The Queen stood up.

"Qikli, if you're listening, please bring exo-suits for Master Dib and myself. We will be going back to the tunnels to check on progress. You will come along also, and bring another guardian as well." The avatar's voice came over the com system.

_"Understood, your Majesty. May I bring along a new friend instead?"_

"A new 'friend_'_? Just make sure your 'friend' is armed!"

_"Are you expecting trouble?"_

"The robots have been sitting idle for twenty centuries. Some of them may be a little unstable. I estimate a failure rate of one point five percent."

_"We would be looking at about three thousand defective units. I will arm myself as well!"_

"Not all of them will be dangerous. Some will merely be inoperable, others may need to be fine tuned. A few may go berserk, and those might need to be put down!"

_"I will stop by the armory, and pick up a couple of phase disrupters. We can't have any stray shots doing damage to the others!"_

"How is young Queen Tak doing? Have you been monitoring her?"

_"Queen Tak has abdicated. Since you have returned, she no longer wishes to be queen, but she is okay with being called Princess Tak, or Highness."_

"She will get her chance later. Let it be for now."

_"Yes, your Majesty. We will be with you shortly!"_

Dib wandered the ship's corridors curiously, as the Queen watched him. In some ways he reminded her of herself in her youth, examining everything, poking her nose into every nook and cranny. She had a love of mechanical things, and would easily have become an engineer, had not the imperial mechanics grown tired of her constant visitations. _"Please play outside, little princess, this is a dangerous area, and a starship must always be in top shape!"_ She gained a love of nature by being outside, but always found time to return to the shop when the workers were not so busy. She knew her way around engineering, and was familiar with the tools and equipments that the mechanics used. Even now, she planned for the replacement of the main thruster with one from a Cheelisian warship.

"Getting hungry, Master Dib?"

"Maybe a little. Will we be in danger from the robots?"

"I need, perhaps, a thousand of them to start digging my ship out from the cliff. There are two million of them total, and most have yet to be programmed. Currently they are being powered up, and we are estimating there will be about three thousand defectives. Since most have no programming yet, it is unlikely those would attack us, but they could cause some damage if not shut down properly."

Qikli came in carrying the two exo-suits for the Queen and Dib. Her new "friend" carried tyrllium destructor rays attached to both her arms, and phase disruptors swung from her hips. Kali raised several eyebrows.

"A bit of overkill, don't you think?"

"Sorry your Highness, but she couldn't resist! It's her first time operating from an avatar body, and when she saw the choices she was confronted with, she wanted to try them all! I told her to limit her choices to just two!" The Queen smiled.

"You're very colorful! What name does Qikli call you?"

"I am Nimbus, your Majesty!" The avatar bowed politely, "I've always been fascinated by the colors found in the metal, tantytium, so Qikli had this body plated with it!" Dib narrowed his eyes at the robot, and drew closer to her.

"You sort of sound like Tak!"

"That's _Princess_ Tak, to you, _pond scum_!" Dib jumped back, startled.

"_Gah_! It's _you_!"

"Impressed? Now I can beat the crap out of you, eye-to-eye!" Qikli stepped between the two.

"Now, now, Nimbus! Master Dib is our guest, and a favorite of the princess! You must treat him with respect . . . !"

"Do I _have_ to?" Nimbus grumbled.

"Yes! Now please behave!" Qikli handed the exo-suits over to Dib, and the Queen. Kali put her's on rather easily, but Dib was having a hard time with his helmet. His trademark, swept back hair, which looked for all the world like a hood ornament from an old 40's Pontiac, was getting in the way.

He removed the helmet, and Kali flicked the hair with her finger. It twanged like an old handsaw.

"This won't do. It must be removed before that helmet will fit!"

No sooner did the Queen say the words, when Nimbus shot it clean off his head, and it fell to the floor with a clunk. Kali eyed her, sternly.

"Sorry, your Highness!" she giggled, "It won't happen again!" The Queen sighed.

"_You_ will be tasked to _protect_ him! I _would_ have preferred a pair of scissors, . . . but, nice shooting." She turned to Qikli, "Where _did_ you find this one?"

"She's the AI from Tak's ship! She has Tak's personality construct!"

"Of course. It's perfectly understandable now!" she sighed, "Come along then, there's work to be done!" Nimbus helped Dib with his head gear.

"Consider it my last crack at you! No hard feelings, ey?"

"You're just like Tak, meanie! You don't know how long it took me to grow that!" He bent down to pick the hair up, and put it in a pocket. "I'll give you a proper burial!"

"Oh _puh-leaze_!" The android put her arm around his shoulder. "I think we can be friends now! I'm supposed to protect you, so you better stay close to me! _And don't give me a hard time, either!"_

"If you're going to be my friend, don't yell at me!"

"Sorry! Old habits die hard! Heh heh!"

**Assignments**

It was a brisk walk back through the tunnels to the mech storage facility. The robots were being charged and programmed, and the first group would be ready for their assignments. Queen Kali looked all of them over, then gave a nod of her approval.

"First row, step forward!" commanded the Queen. Immediately, two hundred mechs advanced one step. _"Your Majesty!"_ they spoke in unison.

"Qikli, do they know what to do?"

"This first group will raise the ceiling height of the rocks surrounding your flagship by ten meters, your Highness. That should provide a sufficient envelope to float her free." Kali nodded.

"Send them off, then. Have Haze prime the engines and ready the anti-grav generators! I want the Brilliance up and flying by nightfall!"

"Yes, your Majesty!" The Queen turned once again to her robot army.

"Second row! Step forward!" Once again, two hundred mechs advanced.

"These next are to clear the launch tunnels, and make sure they are all in working order! Row three! Step forward!" There was an excitement in Kali's voice, an unmistakeable giddyness. Her blood was up, brought on by her command of the metal legions. She felt like a leader once more.

The robots rushed off to their assignments, and only a few defectives were found frozen in mid-step. These were placed on the side to be fixed later. The first thousand were now busy at work to prepare the armada for deployment. The initial two hundred quickly set about slicing the rocks that held the sleek cruiser in a death grip.

The sound of boulders bouncing off the hull disturbed Tak from her rest, and she got up to investigate. She could feel the whine of the plasma coils heating as the outboard engines slowly came to life. In the engine room, Haze and a dozen IEs monitored the anti-matter injectors that fed the powerful rockets.

"Haze, what is going on? There is a lot of noise outside! It feels like we are experiencing a meteor shower!"

"Her Majesty, Queen Kali, has ordered her mech army to raise the clearance of the overhang. We are prepping the engines and the gravi-drives for lift off." Tak gasped.

_"Lift off!"_ The words sounded like music to her ears, but she wondered how the two thousand-year-old ship would fare once freed from her self-imposed prison. "What are the probabilities for success?"

"Very good, your Highness. Our constant maintenance of the engines all these centuries has paid off. Once the others have removed ten meters of the ceiling, I have no doubts that we shall raise the Brilliance tonight."

**Frontier Space**

Anjah led the way back to the other Resisty ships, with the pyramid and its mercenary crew following closely.

_"Commander Nar, you have your prize to examine. The crew would prefer to be __compensated, rather than make an outright exchange. I will take my ship, and accompany my fellow assassins to their destination. They will discuss price when we return."_

"Very well! . . . they are . . . assassins, you say?!"

_"Nothing to be concerned about. They were clever enough to steal this ship from the Triangulons. Upon completing their mission, they have expressed an interest in __joining our cause. I will accompany them on their mission to assist, if need be."_

"Ah, yes! I pity the poor target, though! Very well! We will send your ship out to you. Good luck, and come back safe!"

_"It is only a single Irken female, who had the misfortune of cursing Tallest Red. They do not intend to kill her, just draw blood to satisfy their code of honor."_ Lard Nar laughed.

"Sounds like someone we would welcome to join us! If you do not hurt her too badly, please bring her back to us. Perhaps she will be of some use to the resistance!"

**The "Antique"**

Anjah's black ship pulled up alongside, and all of them got on board as an entry opened up. Several Resisty crew members exchanged places with them, attaching cables to the pyramid. Since the Triangulon vessel was incapable of entering hyperspace, it would need to be hauled aboard one of their big transports for the trip back.

"Anjah, I'm glad that you're here, but why did you want to come on this mission with us?" Cobus asked, "It is just a simple retrieval!"

_"I've never been to the Solarii sector before, and it is largely unexplored territory __that the Expansion Council has somehow ignored. Might be a nice change of scenary. About all I do nowadays is hunt people down, and kill them. I need some time to get away from all the bloodshed."_

The Xana girl shivered at her matter of fact statement. They made her seem like a cold-blooded killer, with little else on her mind. Even through the sonic veil, however, Cobus sensed a sadness in her tone, like she tired of what she did for her "living."

As if reading her thoughts, Anjah turned to the Xanatian female.

_"I don't kill for money, . . . I have plenty of that already. I just want my old life back."_ She didn't elaborate any further, and Cobus understood. Like all other species conquered by Irk, Anjah wanted to return to her own planet, without bumping into Irken soldiers at every corner. Failing that, she would distance herself as far away from the Empire as possible, and start over somewhere else.

_ "I've been getting rid of the hard-line invasion fanatics in the Irken parliament lately, hoping a more conservative element might take their place, but every time I kill one, the Tallest fill the seat with their own hand-picked replacement. It's been a losing battle until this invasion of Triangulos thing came up. There are many in the Senate who oppose the invasion. Ordinarily, the Tallest would just have them silenced, but the invasion plans keep both Red and Purple too busy to do even that."_ She tapped out a password, restoring the nav-com. _"Take us to Solarii-1."_ To her companions she said, _"Make yourselves comfortable. This shouldn't take long"_

Anjah's ship was extraordinarily fast in normal space, and the team quickly made up time lost from the Triangulon encounter. She and Cobus trained together in the art of the ikari, while Lokar and Surj took turns watching the stars fly by. A special force field split the very aether in front of them as they travelled, so that they could actually see the stars before them grow larger and brighter as they approached. Unlike travelling through hyperspace, where they would have to reemerge every four hours to make course corrections, here they could navigate by visual cues alone. Eventually they would have to jump to hyperspace, since it was the quicker way to go, then the ship's nav-com would take over.

_"We will make a jump to sub-space, then two more after we enter hyperspace."_

"We can make two more jumps _after_ hyperspace?! Incredible!"

_"Yes. The entry into sub-space will only be momentary, as the nav-com takes its last bearings on the physical universe, before going to hyper, ultra, and omnispace. Like shifting gears, we cannot go straight to ultra or omni without breaking something. We need to build up speed first."_ Lokar raised an eyebrow, in doubt.

"I thought ultra and omnispace were purely theoritical."

_"No. Ultra is the last practical application that we still use. Our communication __systems rely on it, and it is the reason we can talk to each other in real time, even though we may be light-years apart. No one ever uses it for travelling anymore, although we did at one time. That technology has been lost or forgotten."_

"And how is it that you came by this 'lost' tech?" Lokar asked.

_"It came with this ship."_

"I was just about to comment on this ship. It's full of some very sophisticated equipment, some of which I've never seen before."

_"It's an antique, really, a pre-Empire Irken ship called a Dragon Bolt. It's inertial negator is far superior to any of the Vortian ships, and this craft will take a ninety degree turn at point zero one AU, while travelling point two-five light. On a straight run, no spacecraft I know of, can catch it."_

"What happens when we enter omnispace?"

_"The laws of physics do not apply there. Just before we enter, we must turn off all engines, and allow our momentum to carry us through. If we were to hit our thrusters while inside, our gyro-stabilizers would not work, and the ship would tumble wildly out of control at twenty times light. We would not notice a thing, and all would seem to be normal until we try to exit, then the ship would instantly disintegrate. The longer we stay in, the more likely something like that will occur. We will only be in for a fraction __of a second, but it will be more than enough to make up a parsec distance. The nav-com will take care of the details, so you needn't worry."_

"But . . . but what happens if something _does_ go wrong?" Anjah laughed.

_"The resulting explosion would be so spectacular, it would blow apart this entire galaxy, ending the threat from both Irk and Triangulos, forever. Stop worrying. We'll never know what hit us."_ Lokar and Surj swallowed nervously.

"I'm thinking we should stick to hyperspace! We're familiar with it, and it's not as risky!"

_"Suit yourself. We're still on schedule." _She turned to Cobus once more,_ "I hate to be just standing around doing nothing. Shall we continue your lessons?"_

Cobus was having a hard time keeping up with Anjah, who was extremely flexible, incredibly swift, and had a grip of iron. She was a patient teacher, though, realizing that Cobus' Xanatian body did not have the reflexes to match hers. The girl was still much better than both Surj and Lokar, making them howl in pain when she took them on, two on one.

In twenty-four hours, they would be within sight of the star they called Solarii-1. They would close to a half-billion kilometers, then remain in orbit around the system's large gas giant while they planned their next move.

**End Chapter 12**

**A/N: For those of you who didn't get my little joke, petak, also spelled petaq (P-Tak), is a Klingon cuss word! Kat-Pee is self explanatory!**

**For those of you who asked, I pronounce Qikli as rhyming with "weekly."**

**I gave the AI from Tak's ship the name Nimbus because she was developed in "Cloud" Province (Nimbus is a type of rain cloud!).**

**In the series, Dib's trademark hair supposedly was so hard as to be a potential weapon. A scissors probably wouldn't have worked on it.**

**Don't think its easy, coming up with physics stuff, and trying to make it sound feasible! As an object approaches the speed of light, the resistance to its forward motion also increases, requiring more and more energy to sustain movement, while building up its own kinetic energy. The mass of the object increases towards infinity as it gets closer and closer to light speed. Imagine now, an object _already_ moving at the speed of light, emerging suddenly out of "omnispace," spinning madly out of control. The unstoppable force meets the immovable object, and _Bam!_ Goodbye universe! Sci-Fi exists on "what ifs"!**


	13. Chapter 13 Warnings

**I do not own any of the characters of Invader Zim!**

**A/N: The mercenaries find a mysterious buoy in the Kuiper Belt, and the Brilliance takes to the stars once again!**

**Tak and the Martian Armada**

**Chapter 13: Warnings**

**Prelude to a Slaughter**

_"According to navigation charts of this sector, there will be an ice field approximately fifty billion kilometers from Solarii-1, and we will enter into it as we emerge from hyper-flight. We will approach the star at about a two degree angle, so we should clear the ice field easily."_

Cobus piloted the ship as Lokar and Surj manned the sensors. The secretive Anjah kept cross-checking the nav-charts with overlays. She seemed to be looking for something, a new home, perhaps, or something entirely different. The others paid her no mind, but they were about to crossover into normal space, and began to strap themselves in. Cobus began a short countdown.

"Emerging from hyperspace, on my mark in . . . 3 . . . 2 . . . 1. Exit successful." the Xanatian declared. "That was a very smooth transition, just as if we were flying a much bigger spacecraft! I'm really beginning to like this ship!"

_"I also wish the Resisty had more of them, but this was not built to be a fighting ship, but more of a blockade runner. It's too small to carry heavy arms, but fast enough to evade detection."_

"Reducing speed to point zero one light. We will stop and make an inspection of the engines before proceeding further."

_"That should not be necessary, but you are correct to do so."_

At fifty billion kilometers, the star Solarii-1 was a mere twinkle, less than a candle's flame at a hundred meters. Still, it was the brightest object in the darkness.

"We got a bogey, fifteen degrees off our port side." said Surj.

_"Distance?"_

"Two klicks. It's too small to be a ship. Looks to be an automated buoy or probe of some kind. Do we need to investigate?"

_"It's not a mine?"_

"No, but there is a strong energy signature, which means it was placed here fairly recently." Anjah took a closer look at the screen.

_"Magnify."_ The object didn't look like it would present a problem, but one can never be to sure.

"It's sending out a message. A warning in Irken, not to go beyond this boundary."

"What the hell is an Irken boundary marker doing this far from Irken territory?"

"It's telling us 'No unauthorized Irken vessels allowed in this sector'_._"

_"Well, technically this is not an Irken ship, and why is Irk trying to keep their __ships from entering here, anyway?"_ Another blip on the sensor shifted their attention.

"We've got company, guys. Something's coming out of hyperspace, . . . something really big . . ." They all gathered around the viewer.

_"Pirates . . . Dog pirates. Canoids."_ In the faint light of the ice field, they could barely make out the silhouette of a modified freighter, but sensors showed it to be outfitted with missile boxes and solid shot, multi-fire guns, throughout the length of its beam. Hardly an imposing threat.

"_Solid shot?!_ You gotta be kidding, right?" Surj chortled, "They may as well be throwing rocks at their targets!"

_"Did they follow us through the aether?"_ Cobus shook her head.

"No, they exited at a different angle from us, and may have been nearby already."

_"Then they must have been tipped off by the buoy's warning. Let's take a closer look at that weapons systems."_ Surj scoffed.

"They're bogus. Just for show."

"We've been spotted. They're hailing us."

_"Bring it up on the big screen. I want to know what these dogfaces are doing here."_

The Dog pirates were the bottom feeders of the pirate's loose association of cutthroats. They were certainly just as vicious and nasty as the rest of them, but they also dealt in slave trafficking, something most of the others shunned. They had a habit of taking everything from a raid, including the ship, which they claimed they would recycle. _"Waste not, want not"_ was their motto. A raiding party usually included a big freighter or a transport filled with other pirates, or slaves. These were used to carry off their treasures, or junk, or whatever the case may be. If this one was already here, then you could bet there were attack ships, small frigates, close by. Soon an image appeared on the viewer.

_"Ahoy mateys! I be Cap'n Wolf. Ya appears ta be a tad lost!"_

Surj turned to the others and snickered, "How corny is _that_ dialogue?"

_"This here space is under Irken jurisdiction, and you be trespassin'! I'm afraid I'll have ta haul the lot of ya in!"_

"This is frontier space, Irk has no claim in this sector that I am aware of," said Lokar, "by whose authority are _you_ here?"

_"By me own, of course! The buoy is part of a network that lets us know when anyone passes close. We picked up a bunch o' them jus' like this 'un near sector 2-C, just floatin' around, real lonely like! We use 'em to catch our . . . prey!"_

"Sector 2-C . . . the Triangulon neutral zone." scowled Surj.

Anjah whispered to Lokar. _"Do you think you can hit that buoy from here?"_

"Piece of cake! Just like target practice!" Lokar picked up his rail-gun and headed for an airlock. He was an expert marksman, and two thousand meters was easily within his range. In open space there was no friction or atmospheric disturbances to deal with, and at ten klicks per second, the one-ounce razor disc struck with the force of a small meteor. The pirate captain kept on talking, oblivious to the plan unfolding.

_"Thar be no use in runnin', we already gotcha surrounded!"_ Five holo-cloaked vessels emerged from hiding, encircling their ship, and quickly secured them with tractor beams. _"Now then, let's take a look at all a ya!"_ The captain gave Surj more than a passing notice. _"Irken. Now why don't that suhprise me. Ya don't look worried atall. A soldier, are ya?"_ Surj smiled.

"We're Guild assassins. Why should we be afraid of the likes of you?"

_"Ya don't say, Spunky! We pirates never did see eye-to-eye with yer Guild, but maybe I can still find a use for ya . . . at the slave auctions!"_ Next he turned his attention to Cobus. _"And what have we here? A Xanatian kitty cat? A right nice lookin' one, you are! I've always wanted a little . . . 'pussy' . . . to keep close by my side! Aha ha ha ha ha!"_ Cobus growled.

"You filthy mongrel . . . !" Anjah put a hand on her shoulder.

_"Don't let him rattle you. He's just being an asshole. You want to see some action don't you? He'll get what's coming to him soon enough."_ The mysterious one was next up for scrutiny.

_"And you, the tall one . . . ya seem to be another female! How 'bout 'cha remove __that overcoat a your's, and give us a peek, will ya?"_

_ "If you like, but be warned . . . few who have seen me without it have ever lived to tell the tale."_

_ "I'll take me chances! Get on with it!"_ he said impatiently. Anjah removed her belt, then dropped her coat to the floor, revealing only the dark silhouette of her body in the nega-suit.

_"I cahn't see much, but what I do see, I like! That suit you be wearin' must be worth a pretty penny! Wot's yer name, girlie?"_

_ "My name is Death."_ The captain roared with laughter, as did the others on the bridge.

_"Ya shouldn't be makin' empty threats, missy,"_ he turned suddenly serious, _"especially when we already has ya caught! Thar's ways ta break a filly like you, and we knows them all!"_

A ball of fire suddenly lit the ice field as Lokar blasted the buoy. He quickly whirled about, firing into the surrounding five ships as he spun. The rail-gun he wielded, might have been small, but inside a thousand meters, it packed incredible power, capable of punching through heavy armor plating with ease. One ship's engine blew up, and it began to drift away. Another had it's bridge set on fire, causing a panic inside. It released it's tractor beam, pulling away, then exploding.

The remaining ships also released their tractors, their internal atmospheres compromised by huge holes blown into their viewing ports. They tried to flee further back into the cometary field to regroup, but the mercenaries had one last surprise. Anjah's ancient ship deployed it's neutron-ray cannon. Light in weight and size, no force field or armor-plate could defend against it. It's neutrino beam simply passed through the walls of any vessel it contacted, and destroyed all organic life within.

_"Target those last three, then we're going after Captain Mutt-head! We can't have anyone know we're here!"_

Lokar returned from his "target" practice as soon as he felt the tractors let go. Cobus swung about as Surj blasted the three pirate frigates with lethal doses of radiation. Some were able to jump into the escape pods and took off. Others weren't so quick. The captain's image disappeared from the screen as the pirates prepared to flee. But big transports, especially modified ones, needed a running start to make the hyperspace entry, and that would be their downfall. "Ready the guns, prepare for action!" Wolf shouted, miraculously losing his phony pirate accent. "Send for reinforcements!"

_"Target their communications system and that warp dome! They're going to make a run for it!"_ Cobus closed to within ten thousand meters, and Surj readied a volley of EMP missiles.

"I have a lock!" he shouted.

_"Fire!"_ The shots immediately fried the sensitive communications array and the warp dome.

There was no love lost between pirates and the Guild. They feuded for centuries. The Guild operated, at times, under a somewhat questionable code of honor, while the pirates laughed at such "chivalrous" notions, turning on each other if the opportunity presented itself.

Wolf's transport bogged down as the warp dome was rendered ineffective. They could still make it to hyperspace without it, but they would need a longer run to build up speed. Big freighters had a lot of inertia to overcome, and this one was no different. The warp dome created an envelope which would allow the ship to slide into the aether without having to reach the minimum speed. It's main flaw was that it took about two minutes for it to envelope a small ship, and upwards of fifteen to cover anything over a hundred meters. It became obsolete with newer propulsion systems, and aether-glide technology.

"Shall we just rake 'em with the neutron-ray?"

_"No. We're going to board her, and take care of the pirates one-on-one. I want to see how efficient you are as a team. Besides, there may be some captives on board."_

"And some treasure, too!" reminded Surj. Given their hate for each other, it was not uncommon for Guild members and pirates to ransack each others ships whenever they could.

The pirates were not about to go down without a fight. From the back of the transport emerged two dozen screaming torpedoes, quickly bearing down on the mercenary's' position, and from the sides of the old freighter, huge gamma cannons protruded from where the decoy guns were placed.

_"They must be desperate, but we're not letting them get away! Take us up, Cobus! Lose those torpedoes!"_ Cobus laughed heartily.

"Aye, Cap'n!" She was proving to be an excellent pilot, and if her killing skills were as good, she would definitely be a valuable asset to the Resisty. Lokar had proved his proficiency as a marksman, taking out five good sized ships with just his rail-gun. Surj had yet to be tested, so the battle with the pirates would showcase his abilities.

Cobus easily evaded the torpedoes, and because the gamma cannons were not meant to be mounted on the freighter, they were awkward, and difficult to aim.

_"Make ready to board her!"_

Surj was already out the airlock when the order was given. As the surveillance specialist, it was his job to quickly determine how many of the enemy was present, and where they were located. He blew open a hatch with mini-explosives he kept on his belt, and turned on his holo-disguise just as a dozen dog-pirates rushed by. Nearby was an access panel to the ship's computer, which he quickly hacked into. "There are two hundred fifty pirates in here," he whispered into his com-link, "I'm sending you schematics of the ship. I'll cause a distraction. Enter through the hatch on level six. There seems to be no one there." Surj then jumped into a ceiling scuttle hole, and proceeded to cut the video links, while providing a computer feed to Lokar, still on the ship. Lokar opened the hatch remotely, and Cobus and Anjah quietly slipped in.

_"I'll take the left corridor, you head for the bridge, my young protege, I'm sure you'd like to meet the good captain face-to-face."_

"My pleasure!" Cobus pulled out her dagger, and silently made her way down the passage.

Anjah listened for her footsteps as they paused for an instant, then started once more to a speedier pace. She heard two bodies hit the floor, and smiled. Cobus had just made her first kills. "_Nicely done_," she thought, then rushed down her end of the corridor, where the bulk of the crew gathered around the various airlocks and hatches. She didn't want to reveal to the others just what her nega-suit allowed her to do just yet. A dark shadow began to form in front of her, and Anjah removed her robe as it engulfed her. There are such a things as dark matter, and dark energy. Here was dark light, the secret component of her nega-suit.

In a confined area, she could manipulate it at will, overwhelming any artificial light sources. She had learned how to sense her victims in the disorienting darkness, and the suit she wore removed all heat signatures from her body. The theoretical implications were only known to her, and like the ship she owned, came from forgotten knowledge.

**The Grand Tour**

"Qikli, give me a status report!"

"Half of the ceiling has already been raised, your Highness, and the engines are running smoothly. The gravity-field generators are at optimum, and more anti-matter is being produced and stored."

With the mechs fully assigned and no problematic robots, Queen Kali located a hover platform to oversee the work.

"Everyone climb aboard! We're going to the surface!"

Nimbus, in her new role as Dib's "watchdog," placed the headgear of his exo-suit on him. Directly above, a transparent tube descended on the little group, engulfing them and the hover platform. They began to rise upwards steadily as the lights within the shaft turned on, indicating the distance to the surface. Kali put her arm over the Earth boy's shoulder, as he clung to the belt around her waist. It was disorienting for him to travel in this manner, a wall-less elevator, streaking upwards, made him nauseous. They were still three thousand meters from the top, and Dib felt like hurling already.

"It is just visual, this perception of movement," said the Queen, "close your eyes, and it will be over soon." He did as he told, and settled down. The platform was absolutely motionless beneath his feet, like standing on solid ground, but if he opened his eyes for a second, it felt like a roller-coaster ride. They were nearing the surface, but nowhere nears stopping. He clung tightly to Kali's waist, and she smiled at his needless fear. The inertial arresters stopped the platform's ascent instantly, just inches from the exterior end of the tube, which had retracted back below ground.

Kali looked around. Nothing had changed. Nothing ever changes here. The Cheelisians kept an observatory up on the surface, and she and her lover would come up here quite often to look up at the stars, pointing out their places of origin, while she told him stories of her home world. His name was Meta, and he was the last child born of the Cheelisian race. She knew his parents when they were children, and their parents when they were children, also. But like all mortals, they grew older and left this plain of existence, until only Meta remained. He was two hundred when that happened, a mere adolescent in their species eyes, but he had grown up surrounded only by adults, there being no other children around. Kali had always been his playmate, probably because she was so different from the rest of the adults, and had no specific duties to fulfill. She was always available to play with, and he became her constant companion, until finally, she was his only companion. What goes through the mind of a sentient being when he first realizes he is the last of his kind. In his despair, he took her, and she let him out of compassion. They made fiery love over and over, in the old observatory. Dib clutching at her waist belt reminded her of him.

"Your Majesty?" said Qikli, "Quit spacing out! We're waiting for you to give the order!" The Queen' cheeks flushed, and she took the controls in hand.

"Sorry about that. It's just that it has been so long since I was last here. I miss seeing the stars." She pulled Dib closer, and pointed to one in particular. "That nebula is where the Cheelisian's originally came from, and beyond that is Irk. If we were there now, I could tell you stories of gods and dragons, but from here, it loses all context. The stars are out of place."

"On my world, that would be called the Helix Nebula, and it sits within the constellation of Aquarius, the water bearer!" Kali smiled.

"So you have similar tales about the stars, do you? You must tell me some, one day!"

The platform began to move, horizontally this time, something Dib was accustomed to, and he was fine until they made the edge of the canyon, and stared down at the six mile drop. Nimbus grabbed him as his legs buckled, and propped him up against her.

"How do you expect to be a space traveler if you get vertigo all the time?"

"Who ever said *urp* I wanted to be a space traveler?"

"Well, you were always trying to override me and hack into my system! I've always assumed you wanted to take over the ship!"

"I was just looking for a way to destroy Zim!"

"_Destroy Zim?!_ Why didn't you just ask?! I would have helped you with that!"

"Well, how was I to know?! So sue me!"

"Boy, for a guy with such a big head, you sure are dumb!"

"My head is _not_ big!"

Kali and Qikli both snickered. The little argument had gotten rid of Dib's vertigo, and he seemed fine now. The Queen and the avatar also got into such bickering to see how the other would react. It was all in good fun. They swept down the face of the cliff, to where the Imperial warship was encased.

The overhanging stone had been cleared off only minutes earlier, and the rumble of the thrusters shook remnants of loose rocks from her wings. Haze backlit the area behind the Brilliance so the Queen could see the ship as it moved out of it's self-imposed confines.

"This is so exciting!" chortled Kali, "I remember when I first saw her emerging from space dock! It gave me chills!"

"Haze says the gravity-field generators are ready to raise the ship, your Majesty, but they want to proceed slowly to be cautious. It may take a minute. Once it has cleared the surface, they will use the tractors to push off of the cliff." Kali nodded.

"I'll take us in for a closer look."

Little by little, a crack of light opened up under the ship until it had been raised a good five meters. At that point the tractors began to push on the walls of the pocket, and slowly the starship floated free.

"Princess Tak is on the bridge, Highness, and wishes to communicate with you. I'll patch her in." Since the hover platform was just that, there were no screens to speak of, or into. All communications were fed directly into their helmets.

_"Greetings from the Brilliance, your Majesty! Everything is working perfectly! Would you like to come aboard?"_ Kali sniffled as her eyes filled with tears.

"No, but I would like to see a fly by. Perhaps the others would like to go aboard." Nimbus began jumping up and down, excitedly.

"Can we can we can we, pleeeese? I've never _seen_ anything so beautiful!" Dib rolled his eyes back at her.

"Jeez! I can't believe this! If you have Tak's personality construct, why are you acting like some wide-eyed school girl? _I've_ only known her to be brooding, moody, and mean!"

"That's because you don't know her like I know her, you dope! She can be every bit a girly girl, full of feminine grace and charm! You're just a jerk!"

"Wait . . . Y-you just called me a jerk! And . . . and she called me a jerk, too!"

"Like minds think alike!" Dib stared at her for a second.

"Why don't you go onboard the Brilliance. Tak hasn't seen you in your avatar body yet, so you can surprise her!"

"Really? Maybe you're not so bad a jerk after all!" Kali raised an eyebrow, but maneuvered the platform onto the wing, where the robot got out and scampered into the main entry. Kali reversed the platform out into the middle of the canyon to watch her flagship go by.

"Take her down to one end of the crevasse, then back again," her Majesty ordered, "then take her around the planet a few times to make sure the old thrusters are working properly. We'll have the mechs clean out the hanger elevators so we can bring her below ground for a refit."

They all watched as the old ship began its first pass, her exposed side to them, charred and blackened from the battle. It quickly reached the end of the canyon, then rotated to make another pass. It was what Kali wanted to see, the unspoiled side of her flagship, still polished and gleaming, just a few scratches marring the surface. She pointed her nose up above the canyon's rim, and was gone in an instant. The Queen stood there clapping gleefully, before turning to Dib.

"Well now, Master Membrane, what's with that devious grin on your face?" Dib began to blush.

"I don't know Tak all that well, and I've never really spoken to her before I was kidnapped by her ship, and brought here. I thought she was angry and violent, but that had all been directed at Zim. I never realized she had a feminine side until Nimbus brought it up. Since you ordered Nimbus to be my protector, she's not allowed to harm me, but she has Tak's personality, so if I get on her good side, I can find out what Tak is really like! What do you think?"

". . . That you'd prefer to have sex with the avatar instead?" Qikli snickered. Dib face-palmed himself.

"No! No! I like Tak, I really do! But she slugged me pretty hard, so I may be a little gun shy, but I would be more than willing to try again if I learned more about her!" Kali sighed.

"A well thought out plan, Master Dib, but I must caution you against falling in love with an Irken royal. We will outlive you, and all your children's children. We even outlive our royal mates. Sex is necessary for our well being, but, I'm afraid, love is not. I myself, fell in love with the male of another species, and when he passed on, it was the most traumatic event of my life. It is not for your sake that I tell you this, but for her's. Enjoy your time with her, but when her season is over, I'm thinking of sending you back to Earth."

"But . . . but . . .!"

"However, I will not make that choice for her. As an Irken royal, she can decide for herself if she wants you here, or not. I can only offer you both, my experience, and my counsel."

"I understand where you are coming from . . ."

"We are heading into a war, young master, but it is not your war, and I cannot ask you to stay and fight alongside us." Dib thought it over.

"If not for love, then for new found friends! I will fight for you . . . my Queen!"

"Very well, if that is your decision, then I accept your offer. Let's go back inside, and get you fed. I need a bath . . . this exo-suit is not to my liking!"

**End Chapter 13**

**A/N: Dib's "big head" was a running gag in the series.**

**By my description of the Constellation Aquarius, I have placed Irk as being far beyond the Helix Nebula, which is approximately 600 light years from Earth.**

**Someone asked me how did I come up with the name "Cheelisian". Funny you should ask. I was thinking about a big bowl of chili, smothered in cheddar . . . the rest is history**


	14. Chapter 14 The Replacement Killer

**I do not own any of the characters of Invader Zim!**

**A/N: The Control Brains take things into their own hands (tentacles?) and put out another contract on Tak. Zim investigates the disappearance of his hated enemy, Dib, but "uncovers" something about Gaz instead! Rated M for random and graphic violence.**

**Tak and the Martian Armada**

**Chapter 14: The Replacement Killer**

Surj hacked into the ships operating system to abort take off, and rendered their defenses inoperative. The pirates were now at their mercy. Lokar monitored the locations of his teammates from Anjah's Dragon Bolt. Cobus was heading down a narrow corridor blocked by a manually controlled hatch that Lokar couldn't remote open.

"Get out of there, Cobus! There are ten hostiles on your six, closing fast! It's a trap!"

_"Shit!"_ she thought. If she could reverse direction quick enough and get between them, and under their line of fire, she'd have a fighting chance. To stay in the dead-end was a losing proposition. She carried two daggers made from the legendary Shard of Xana, a crystal of supernatural repute. They would be useless to her in a shoot out, so her best bet would be to close with her pursuers, and take them on hand-to-hand. Pirates had no problems with shooting their own shipmates if they were in the way, so long as it accomplished the objective, that being to kill an enemy. She was counting on it, as long as she could place herself squarely in the midst of them.

Her training as an assassin made her aware of every little detail in the corridor as she ran through it. Anything she could use against her pursuers, every power conduit, any loose object or dangling cord, was a potential weapon to be used, every scuttle or air vent, a potential escape route.

She was a bit careless, but she wanted to get back at the captain as quickly as possible, for making his crude comment. That was a mistake. On Hobo-13, recruits often were subjected to weeks of hazing in order for them to learn to control their emotions. Allowing herself to be angered by Wolf's taunting could prove to be fatal, and she cursed herself for falling into that trap. Behind her, the sound of a floor access panel popping open, drew her attention. It was Surj. He silently signaled for her to jump in, which she quickly did, discretion being the better part of valor.

"These old freighters are full of escape passages if you know where to look." said the team's stealth specialist. "This one is a service tube for the power couplings." They listened as the pirates passed over them. Surj jumped out and followed them, shooting them all in the back. Cobus snickered.

"Not very sporting, what?"

"Eh, what can I say . . . I hate pirates! It's not in our best interest to leave too many of them alive. They do have us greatly outnumbered." Lokar was soon heard over the freighter's com system.

_"The pirate's command module has separated from the freighter. They are abandoning their cargo!"_

"Where is Anjah?" the Xana girl queried.

_"Still back near the cargo hold. The remaining pirates have barricaded themselves inside."_

"How many?"

_"I'm reading forty life signs. Anjah has killed everyone else. She says they want to surrender."_

"What's the body count?"

_"There are twelve dead near your position. Ten escaped in the module, which leaves the forty with Anjah."_

"We couldn't have been in here more than ten minutes. Do you mean to say she killed over a hundred and eighty pirates in that time?"

_"It appears that way. Go rendezvous with her, see if she needs any help."_

Surj and Cobus rushed down three levels, passing corpses with their heads spun completely around, and backs broken. Obviously Anjah's preferred method of killing involved silence, speed, and powerful hands. Many of her victims had not even discharged their weapons, and those that did seemed to have fired blindly at some unseen enemy.

When they arrived, she had already disarmed the survivors, and had them tied up securely. There were five of them outside the door, the rest still holed up inside. She grabbed one, and untied his hands.

_"If you want to live, open this door!"_ This the captive did hurriedly. She tossed him in first, suspecting a trap. Surj followed, a blaster poised and ready in his hand. Cobus went in next, daggers drawn. There was no trap, but huddled in the corner of a cage, were thirty-five captives. They looked starved, and were filthy. Anjah grabbed her pirate prisoner.

_"Who are these people?"_

"Just 'meat,' headed for the slave auctions."

_"How long have they been like this?"_

"We've had 'em a couple of weeks now. We caught them in our tractor web."

_"Jackal! This is the missing bridal party from Labis Minora! You would dare attack a ship from their system? They have fifty starships scouring the Har-dass sector where they went missing!"_

"They got some pretty women! Heh heh!"

_"Cur! I should kill the rest of you now!"_

"We done our job! Go ahead."

_"What job are you talking about?"_

"We've delayed you here long enough for the rest of our . . ." Cobus shoved her dagger through the bottom of his snout and gave it a twist, effectively cutting his tongue out from below. He began to choke on his own blood.

_"Lokar, pull up to the cargo bay. We're taking on passengers!"_

_ "I hear you, but do we have enough room on board?"_

_ "We can't leave them here, and more of our pirate friends are on their way!"_

_ "Roger that!"_

Surj blasted the cage door open, and hustled the prisoners out. "Hurry ladies, more pirates are coming!" In the back corner of the huge freighter's belly was the Minoran's spaceship. Cobus turned to the captives.

"Can that ship still fly?" One of the girls spoke up.

"Yes, and it is armed also! The pirates intended to add it to their fleet, and have been filling it full of cargo."

"Too bad for them! Get in, all of you!" She looked to Anjah and Surj, who seemed to know her plan. If they were going to get in a fight with the Canoids' fleet, then it would be nice to have two ships at the very least, and it would be best if Anjah's Dragon Bolt was not filled with non-combatants.

Surj had a look of concern on his face as he watched the Minoran ship leave.

_"Don't worry. They'll be fine. Those girls are all skilled fighter pilots."_

"Yeah . . ." he sighed. Anjah put her hand on his shoulder.

_". . . You like her, don't you?"_ Surj just smiled, and jumped in as Lokar pulled up in Anjah's ship.

**The Second Contract**

_"I've picked up a very faint signal from the Solarii system,"_ said CBL, _"it seems to be coming from Tak's destroyed transmitter."_

_"Could it be from her PAK?"_ CBR responded.

_"It sounds like it has been modified, a general distress call on all wavelengths, but definitely Irken in nature."_

_"Then she must still be alive. We have not heard from the assassination squad since their ship was destroyed in the Triangulon neutral zone. We should contact the Guild for a new group. That girl must be brought back for punishment."_

_"That is no longer necessary, she should be killed regardless. Solarii-1-A4 is our forbidden zone, and no Irken should be allowed to live once they have gone there."_

_ "Invader Zim claims to have gone there, but found nothing of particular interest."_

_ "And he also, will be killed . . . even if he manages to conquer A-3."_

_ "Perhaps we should contact Zim to investigate, and, if Tak is still alive, instruct him to kill her. He was lucky to survive their first meeting. Maybe he will succeed this time. If we are fortunate, they will destroy each other."_

_ "He will be our replacement killer then. Let us contact him, and offer him this new mission."_

_ "What if he refuses?"_

_ "We will make him a proposal that I am sure he will not turn down: a seat in the Empire's parliament. It makes no difference what we offer him, because he will be eliminated anyway."_

_ "Point taken, but he might not be so agreeable to another encounter with Tak since she nearly killed him the first time."_

_ "Then we will just have to convince him that it is for the good of the Empire, and he will be treated as a hero if he succeeds . . . either that or he will be branded a traitor, and strangled with his own intestines."_

**Back on Earth . . .**

On the other side of the galaxy, Zim examines the wreckage of the Membrane's garage, searching for clues as to the whereabouts of his nemesis, Dib. He had been gone for two days already, and neither Gaz nor Professor Membrane seemed concerned in the least. Gaz thought he had simply taken off on a joy-ride, while the senior Membrane had dismissed his son's disappearance as a part of some crackpot idea he had gotten from his paranormal investigating group.

It had been two years since his battle with Tak, and he thought that episode in his life was over and done with. Zim never expected that her ship would come crashing back to Earth, only to end up in the hands of his enemy. He had tried on several occasions to take back what he considered Irken property, but was thwarted each time, not by Dib, but by the ship's AI, who hated him with a passion for killing its owner. Little did they both know that Tak had survived in her escape pod, in a state of suspended animation, as she orbited the sun for two years before coming close enough to Mars to be drawn in by its gravity field.

Dib had from the very beginning, been a thorn in his side, disrupting his plans repeatedly, but now this latest development was disturbing to Zim. It would seem his Earth foe had managed to crack the code to controlling the ship's belligerent AI, and was out somewhere in the solar system trying out his new found weapon.

With nothing else to go on, he would have to sneak into Dib's room and access his video records to find out what happened. In order to do this, he would need to get past Dib's equally hostile sister, Gaz. Subterfuge was the quickest way he could think of. Humans were so stupid in general, and the females of the species even more so. Gaz was a female, which meant she was stupid also, and thus easy to manipulate. This would be easy.

He plucked a few posies from Gir's garden, and walked over to knock on the door. Zim had begun to take a liking to human females partly because they were so emotional. A little lie here, a small token gift there, and they became putty in his hands. They were also softer, and curvier than Irken girls, whose straight bodies didn't look much different from his own. Totally unsuited for warfare. That was fine for him, after all, females weren't meant to be invaders. Their job was to stay home and cook. If Tak had stayed at home, she wouldn't have gotten herself killed. But Gaz was a bit different than most females. For one thing, she was anti-social, and had a mean streak in her. By his estimation, she should have been a male. Maybe she was, but he would try the flower routine first, and perchance, he would get lucky, and be invited into the house. With his increased height and broad shoulders, Earth girls were beginning to fawn all over him, and he enjoyed their adoration. Still, Gaz was Gaz, and he could never make any headway with her, in spite of living close by and going to the same school for the past two years. He enjoyed the chase, though.

During his time on Earth, the Irken had grown taller, much more so than he would have, had he remained on Irk. Something in the atmosphere, he surmised, was making him grow faster. Zim thought about the possibility of him becoming the next Tallest, but first he needed to succeed in the conquest of Earth.

Gaz answered the door, and Zim shoved the little bouquet in her face. She was hardly impressed, and stared coldly at him.

"What do you want, ya little gherkin?"

"It's _Irken_! Ignorant female! A gherkin is a little green pickle!"

"I rest my case." she remarked snidely.

"Was that supposed to be some kind of _lewd_ reference to my maleness?! Let me get to the point, then. I'm here seeking an answer to my previous inquiry regarding the upcoming social event at the school . . . I believe it is referred to as a . . . 'dance'!"

"What? You never asked me to go, you toad!"

"Hmm. Could I have been mistaken somehow? Pardon me while I double check my planner!" Zim took out a phony notebook, one with Gir's doodles and recipes in it, and pretended to go through a few pages. "Aha! I see now where the error has occurred. I have already rated the ten girls I have asked to accompany me to this dance thingy . . ."

"Let me get this straight. You've already asked ten girls to go with you, and they all said 'yes'?"

"They were quick to fill out the questionnaires I had handed out, too, and will be part of my entourage."

"What, are they all _stupid_ or something?!"

"Intelligence was not a high priority. Blind obedience and enthusiasm were most important, followed by looks, smell, and attitude. I ranked you first in looks, but you were only mediocre in the rest. If you let me in, we can sit down and negotiate a higher ranking for you!"

"_Fuck you, Zim_, and your little _harem_, too!"

"Are you certain about this? I gave the others coupons for Bloaty's . . ." Gaz slammed the door in his face, crunching his hand between the jamb and the door in the process.

"_Aiiieeeee!_" he screamed, "Wretched female! That will definitely cost you some points! You have only succeeded in provoking the ire of the great Zim!"

**Later that night . . .**

"You will stay home, and monitor the skies for the Dib monkey, should he return, Gir. Think you can handle at least that much without _destroying_ my base?"

"Leave it to me, Master! I shall bake you a casserole and waffles for when you return!"

"Gir, you do know that I _hate_ waffles and casseroles, don't you?"

"No problemo! I can feed it to my flower garden! I'll just increase the amount of manure I usually put in it!"

Talking to Gir made him retch involuntarily, so Zim put on his ninja outfit, and stepped out the door. _"This should be quick,"_ he thought, _"only a few light are still on!"_

Professor Membrane was usually in his lab, and slept rarely. He had a stamina worthy of an Irken. Dib and Gaz had rooms upstairs, each with it's own full bath. Gaz was likely still up, eyes glued to her Game Slave.

Zim scrambled up the wall as quietly as he could, but Gir had used his climbing claws in his garden to remove some big rocks, and the hooks were dull and bent. It took considerable effort to find suitable holds on the walls of the Membrane's house as he made his way from window sill to window sill. Below him lay a vicious hedge of flesh tearing rose bushes. He tried hard not to think of the consequences should he fall. Dib's room was close by, but first he would have to pass Gaz's room, and he knew if she caught him, she wouldn't hesitate to drop him straight into the thorns. Zim took a quick look through the window, but she was nowhere in sight. The bathroom light was on, however, and the sound of an electric toothbrush buzzing, told him where she was .

There was a vent duct sticking out of the exterior wall that would provide him with a small ledge for his foot, in order to get to Dib's bathroom. From there he would be able to jump in through the window. The Irken took a deep breath. It was a long jump, but a short fall into the merciless rose bushes. He heard the shower faucets squeak on, and leaned over for a look, just in time to see Gaz leave the bathroom wrapped in a towel. Zim pulled back as his "sqeedly-spooch" began to race. He peeked back into her bedroom, but she had already returned to the bath.

_"Dammit Earth girl! Stay in one place, that I may take compromising videos of you for extortion purposes!"_

He stretched back to the bathroom window as he fumbled for his video equipment. Gaz had her back to him as she dropped her towel to the floor, and stepped into the shower before he was ready.

_"Lookit dat ass!"_ he drooled as he readied the recorder, _"Once I get this recorded, she'll have no choice but to accompany me to the dance, or I will post this video all over the internet!"_

The girl continued her shower, oblivious to the alien spying on her. She had grown surprisingly attractive in the past two years, but was still dreadfully anti-social. Guys ogled her from afar, but none had the guts to approach her. Not unless they were willing to face her wrath. It was said she had the ability to set people's hair on fire just from staring at them, an urban legend that no one was willing to find out if it was true or not.

Zim now had his camera ready, but Gaz continued to keep her back to him as she grabbed a bottle of body-wash, and began to soap herself down. _"Hurry and turn around! I want to see if those bumps on your chest are real, or a mere creation of Kleenex!"_

He waited anxiously, but Gaz kept facing the shower stream. She turned slightly, reaching for a bottle of shampoo, and exposed just the side of her breast as she raised her arms to toss her hair back. Zim needed a better vantage point, and placed a foot onto the vent duct. It gave way instantly under his weight, and he plummeted to the ground, barely missing being shredded by the rose hedge. The alien landed with a thud, and groaned as he scrambled to pick up his equipment. Gaz might have heard something from his fall, so he could take no chances at leaving anything behind. He limped back to his base as quickly as he could, and there was no indication that the girl had heard anything at all. A sigh of relief passed through his lips as he made his way back home, through the darkness.

Gir greeted him at the door with his usual brand of misplaced enthusiasm. The house now reeked of manure. Chicken manure, from the casserole he originally had planned for Zim, who now wanted to heave his guts out.

"Gir, next time, vent the house after you bake your abominations!"

"Sorry, master! There was a call from the home planet, and I needed to take it!"

"From Irk? Was it from the Tallest?"

"No, it was from the Control Brains. They said you should contact them right away!"

Zim hopped into his trash can elevator, sliding down to his subterranean stronghold. The Control Brains had never called him before, but he figured he usually was the one doing the calling in for his daily report, so there was no need for them to contact him. Something must be up.

There was a time delay of a few minutes before connection. That was to be expected, but the longer they remained online, the shorter the delay became, until they could talk in real time. He sent the prompt, then waited for the response.

"Screen on." he told his computer. The CBs soon appeared, speaking in unison.

_"Invader Zim, we have an urgent mission for you. Go to the fourth planet in your system. Find Tak, and return her to Irk for punishment."_

"What?! And leave my work here unfinished?! Impossible! I destroyed Tak myself two years ago! She's dead"

_"Apparently not. We have been receiving distress calls sent from her PAK transmitter."_

"B-but I defeated her in aerial combat! I saw her eject in an escape pod! I saw her ship come crashing down to the planet's surface! She couldn't possibly have survived two years in space in just her pod . . . could she?"

_"That is no longer a concern. You failed to kill her, yet you boasted of success. You lied to us!"_

"You must be mistaken! Maybe that was just an old message you received!"

_"We do not make mistakes. Tallest Red had been contacted by her earlier in the week, at which time she threatened him. Now you must go find her, and bring her back here, dead or alive."_

"Surely she couldn't survive more than a week there! That planet is devoid of life! I should know! I've been there myself!"

_"Enough of your dilly-dallying! You should know that Solarii-1-A-4 is forbidden territory to all Irkens! The fact that you have been there at all, is enough to condemn you to death!"_ Zim swallowed hard. _"However, should you go and retrieve Tak successfully, we would be willing to overlook your incursion. You would return to Irk a hero, and we will place you in a Senate seat, the first step in being considered for the Tallest position. If you refuse this mission, you will be branded a traitor to the Empire, and a criminal as well. We will send a team of assassins after you, to skin you alive."_ Zim sighed deeply.

"I guess you leave me with little choice."

_"Yes. Make your decision. We are in a hurry."_

"I shall accept the mission."

_"Good. You will leave immediately. Abandon your base. You will not be returning, one way or the other."_

"Abandon m-my b-base?!"

_"Set your self-destruct for half-an-hour after you leave. That should be more than enough time for you to clear the blast radius. Do not leave anything of your's behind."_

"B-but my harem . . . and . . . and . . . Gaz!" Both Brains glared icily at him.

_"You have been interacting with the Earthlings?! Forget them, this is infinitely more important, plus it will not look good on your resume!"_

"Y-yes, of course. What about Gir? Can I bring him along?"

_"Leave him. He will just be a hinderance. He can make sure the bomb goes off when it's supposed to. Do not disappoint us, or else! Ending transmission!"_

Zim slumped forward, tugging on his antennae. All his hard work and plans were about to go up in a ball of blinding light, from an atmospheric plasma arc converter, used as a last ditch weapon. He thought of the upcoming school dance, and the girls he planned to go with. Gaz was supposed to be among them, but in thirty minutes, she would join them all anyway, no longer human, just part of a cloud of super-heated particles. Why did he care at all. When he first arrived, all humans were beneath him, a supreme being surrounded by a lesser life-form. Still, they persisted, and try as he might with obviously superior technology, he could not make a dent in their will. They were truly worthy opponents after all. Gir would also be among them, his idiotic robot companion, who hurt more than he helped. He would be gone also. The bomb would not discriminate.

He sat there, silently, at his computer station, and cursed the Control Brains for forcing him do this.

**End Chapter 14**

**A/N:** ** What's an Invader Zim fic without an appearance by Zim!**

** Also, Dib did mention earlier that Zim was beginning to become interested in Earth girls.**

** And Labis Minora sounded so very "science-fictiony," that I used it . . . don't think about it too much! "Open the pod bay doors, Hal! I'm comin' . . . in!"**


	15. Chapter 15 Non-Human

**I do not own any of the characters of Invader Zim!**

**A/N: Still battling pirates, and Dib is thinking of taking a walk through Cougar town.**

**Tak and the Martian Armada**

**Chapt. 15: Non-Human**

The Queen brought the hungry Dib to the Cheelisian food replicator, and instructed him in its use.

"Stand here, and let the machine scan your brainwaves. Since you are alien to it, it must adjust itself to your thought patterns. It may take more than a few tries. First, you must imagine yourself to be hungry. The hungrier the better."

"I'm already pretty hungry!"

"Good, good! Now think of something, a favorite food that you'd want to be eating at this very moment. Try to put as much detail into it as you possibly can: the taste, the smell, the color, the texture . . . anything you can think of. The machine's computer will figure things out, and extrapolate the rest"

Dib stepped up to the replicator, and thought of his favorite Bloaty's pizza, the Super Sloppy, no green peppers, extra sausage and mushrooms. It appeared in seconds, which surprised Kali.

"Amazing! I tried for an hour before I got anything out of the replicator! You received your food almost instantly!" The boy wiped his mouth with a napkin.

"Want to try a slice?" he offered.

"Smells wonderful!" The Queen reached over for a piece, and took a bite. "Mmm! Heavenly! It's been so long since I've tried something new, even the rocks are starting to look tempting!"

"Really? I have lots of other favorites that I can think of! Maybe you'd like to try them sometime!"

"Perhaps another time. Enjoy your meal, Master Dib. When you are done, I'd like you to join me in the pool at the end of this tunnel."

"Yes, your Majesty, soon as I'm done!"

"Take your time. When you are finished, put your leftovers back on the tray, and place it into the receptacle on your left. The machine will de-construct whatever is not eaten."

"Thank you, your Highness!"

Kali thought about the ease with which Dib used the replicator. It was as if the machine recognized his brain patterns right away. She had been told when she first arrived here, that a small group of Cheelisians had split off from the main colony, and went to settle on the third planet. They were supposedly near indistinguishable from the indigenous species, but after a short period of contact, all communications ceased, and nothing more was heard from the group. This young boy might be a Cheelisian, or a human hybrid. If that is so, then Meta's death did not spell doom for the Cheelisii. There may be others still.

Kali removed her exo-suit, which, except for the helmet, was self-adjusting and only slightly thicker than her regular garments. They allowed for better mobility and were easy to put on. She placed them neatly folded on a stone bench cut from the solid rock. Off to one side of the pool was a shower enclosure where she could bathe and rinse off, without the soapy residue seeping into the pool. She enjoyed this part of her daily routine, one of the small pleasures left to her after Meta had died, and one of the few reasons she had not been driven insane from loneliness in the hundred years since. For some reason, the hot spring calmed her mind, like it was a living thing that also needed to feel the touch of another being. It seemed to have a life force of its own, a sentience unlike that of any mobile creature, one that even the highly advanced Cheelisii took for granted. To them, it was just a pool of water, nothing more, nothing less.

She could feel it communicating with her, a kind of dream telepathy, as she sat in the pool, quietly meditating. At first Kali thought she might be losing her mind after the loss of her lover, but the water soothed her aching heart, though not all at once. They spoke a different language, after all, one separated by time, space, and physicality. A being with a lesser life span would probably not be aware of the other's presence. The Queen slipped into the pool after her bath, and awaited her future "knight" to arrive.

**Betrayal**

A mysterious courier delivered a message to Tallest Red, then disappeared into a shuttle tube.

"Hmm. Hand delivery? Must be from one of our . . . 'operatives'." Red opened the envelope, and pulled out a note. He raised an eyebrow before frowning slightly. "I'll handle this in my quarters." he said to his attending officers.

Red returned to his private quarters, and secured the door. "CBL, CBR! What does this message mean?!" he shouted. The computer brains answered in unison.

_"It was a message that came in from the Solarii system. Our pirate watchdogs had an encounter with a group of Guild assassins, four of them. They destroyed five of their vessels, and took over their treasure ship. They claim to have lost over two hundred of their comrades."_

"Four _Guild_ assassins? Are they the ones we contracted with?"

_"Uncertain. There were only three that left here six days ago, and the evidence points to their ship being destroyed in the Triangulon neutral zone. We also lost track of their PAK transmitters at that same time. This may be a different group entirely."_

"Well, if it is, I'm not paying for them! Besides, I'm too busy getting ready for the invasion of Triangulos! Contact the Guild, and ask them if they sent an unauthorized replacement team."

_"If they did, then they must have an ulterior motive, and if that is the case, they will not likely respond to our inquiry."_

"_I do not have time for this!_ I grow tired of their 'questionable' allegiance to the Empire. I will leave this matter in your capable hands . . . er, . . . cables. You know what I mean! Take care of it."

_"Yes, your Tallness!"_

Deep in the bowels of the Massive, CBL and CBR confer.

_"I will contact Tob Zahs, of the Guild's High Council as a distraction. You know what we have to do."_ said CBL.

_ "Arrangements have already been made. Commander Lint of the Armada's fourth assault group has already dispatched a small task force of twenty Viral Tanks and fifty shuvvers. They will scourge the facility with a show of force."_ CBR responded.

_ "A waste of time. Hobo 13 and the planet below, should be sterilized to rid us of these criminals. It is a viper's nest."_

_ "Should we warn our training camps on the surface?"_

_ "Unnecessary. We will perform an organic sweep, and catch them all unaware. The camps can be reestablished with fresh recruits and new instructors once we eliminate the Guild."_

_ "The Guild has eyes everywhere. We must act quickly."_

**Change of Heart**

Zim half-heartedly set the detonation timer, and instructed his computer to synchronize anti-matter release when it went off. The bubble the detonation device creates would push the anti-matter into the atmosphere, setting off a chain reaction that would destroy Earth's bio-sphere. He knelt down to his robot companion.

"Y-you be a good boy, Gir, and make sure this goes off in half-an-hour . . ." he said, choking back his emotions. "I-I have to leave now, and I won't be coming back."

"Where are you going, master? Can't I come with you?" the little robot grabbed for his hand.

"You can't! I'm on assignment from the Control Brains to find Tak, and bring her back to Irk. I will be gone a very long time . . ."

"It's okay, master! I understand! I can play video games with Gaz! She's very good!"

"Y-yes, that's good! Tell her I said goodbye, okay?" Zim jumped into his Voot Cruiser, and primed the engines for take-off. "Remember, Gir, . . . half-an-hour after I leave. Goodbye old friend, I will miss you . . ."

Gir watched as the cruiser slowly rose off the floor, the fuel lines detached, and the roof of house split open to allow access to the sky. With a fiery roar, Zim headed off to find his mortal enemy. His little companion whimpered as the ship disappeared from sight. "Master? How many minutes are in half-an-hour?"

The little robot ran around in circles, trying to decide what to do. "I'll go to see Gaz! She'll know what to do!" He ran over to the Membrane house, and began banging on the door. Gaz was already on the way down the stairs, still in a bathrobe. She had heard the thunder of Zim's spaceship as it left the base, and had come to investigate the noise. Zim had not used the Voot in a long time, and usually he did so quietly so as not to arouse the suspicion of the neighbors. Something was going on.

"_Giirrrr_! What are you doing here? Where'd Zim run off to?" The defective SIR unit clutched at the detonation trigger.

"Master is going to find Tak, then he is returning home to Irk! I am to set this off in half-an-hour, but I don't know how to tell time!" Gaz took it from his hands.

"Why that no good scumbag! This is a nuclear triggering device, sufficient to destroy at least a city block! And just because I said I wouldn't go to the dance with him and his stupid harem?!"

"Also, Master has set the computer to purge the anti-matter storage bottles from the base at the same time!" The teen gasped.

"Boy, some guys just won't take no for an answer!" She rushed into Zim's secret control room to see if what Gir told her was on the level. Sure enough, the anti-matter dump was synchronized with the trigger's detonation. "I need to take this device to my dad. He'll know what to do!"

She rushed back into the house and into her father's lab. He was readying a gene splicing experiment between a rose bush and a piranha, trying to create a more effective, eco-friendly, "barbed-wire." Gaz laid it on his counter, and it immediately attracted his attention.

"Where did you get this?" he asked.

"It's from the neighbor's. Apparently he's left the planet, and won't be returning. He left a whole pile of high-tech junk which this device is supposed to destroy, to prevent it from falling into 'human' hands."

"You're talking about the green, alien boy, Zim?"

"You knew?" Prof. Membrane laughed.

"Of course! It was pretty obvious, but I pretended not to notice because it would seem rude if I stared. Also, I didn't want to encourage your brother to plant his spy equipment in Zim's home since I had already infiltrated his lab, and installed my own spyware. Zim thinks Earthlings are clueless idiots, but he's not very clever either."

"What about all this stuff he left behind?"

_"Yard sale!"_

Professor Membrane quickly ran over to Zim's old base to pick through the equipment he had left. Gaz and Gir followed closely, with the robot whimpering at the invasion of his former master's sanctuary. The doctor picked up a couple of familiar objects which had mysteriously disappeared from his own lab several months earlier. Now he knew what had happened to them. No matter, he was about to reap a treasure trove of alien technology. There was enough anti-matter still contained in the magnetic bottles to fuel his power needs for centuries to come, but they were primed to be released with the explosion from Gir's detonator. For him, it was a simple matter to disconnect the release mechanism. He would need to take the detonator that Gir hung onto since by itself, it could cause severe damage within a radius of ten city blocks.

"You looking for this?" Gaz pointed to the little robot, still clutching his miniature nuclear device.

"Yes!" Membrane knelt down next to Gir, "I'll trade you for it! How about a handful of cherry candy?" Gir eyed the offering uneasily.

"N-no! Must make better offer!" he said, and pointed to Gaz's Game Slave III.

"_What_?! No no no no! I just got this one! Ask for something else!"

"Give it to him, Gaz. I'll get you a dozen more like it!"

"Fine! Take it, ya little git!"

With the exchange made, Gir ran over to sit on the sofa, happily playing "Star Piggys Invasion Squad," an older but still popular, game. The teenager sighed, and went over to Zim's computer console, where she knew he had downloaded thousands of other games. The girl had an instinct for electronic devices of all kinds, and checked Zim's most recent history on the computer. She had learned to read Irken because of her brother's obsession, and now she was at the controls of this huge alien computer system.

"Found anything useful, daughter?"

"Zim's been given another assignment, to go to the fourth planet, and bring Tak back to Irk, dead or alive, but these coordinates don't match up with the current orbit of Mars." Prof. Membrane gave a quick glance.

"Well, Mars and Venus are the next two brightest objects in the sky, behind the sun and the moon, so he could have been mistaken if he's taking visual cues instead. Mars isn't visible at this time of the year."

"So the idiot is headed for Venus?"

"It would appear that way!"

**Two Fronts**

Far away, in the frozen darkness beyond Pluto, the mercenaries waited. Their little war with the pirates is not yet over. On board the Minoran ship, Cobus and the now liberated bridal party prepare for battle. In the hold of the vessel was a huge treasure, spoils from the Canoid's raids, and two smaller Minoran fighters, now being prepped for the upcoming fight.

In a more covert operation, it would have been better to leave the area as quickly as possible, but there was a need to drive the pirates from the system, especially if the squad planned to be there for any length of time, and the angry Minorans were looking for a little payback for their imprisonment. The dog pirates would be as relentless as a pack of wolves until they reclaimed their booty. This war had to end here.

The Minoran fighters rose up from their berth, and exited through the mother ship's aft hanger, each containing a crew of four. The remaining Minorans took up positions around their vessel's weapons systems. They were quite well armed for a ship on a diplomatic mission, but had been quickly overwhelmed after being caught unaware in the pirate's web trap. Some of the women immediately sent out distress calls to any Minoran ships within range, while others took their place along the sensor and shield arrays. They were all filthy, and smelled, after having been caged for several weeks since their capture. One of the girls made the rounds, passing out towels and fresh clothing to the others, who stripped down and changed on the spot, unconcerned of the location's lack of privacy. Cobus could tell right away they were malnourished, but there they were, eager to do battle. One of them was handed a special uniform, and two of the girls helped her get into it. She was obviously the "bride" of this bridal party, but the special suit she wore indicated she was also the designated pilot. Her suit had dozens of bio-connector cables protruding from her arms and hands, with another six attached to her spine. The helmet they placed over her head had a single cable which interfaced with the port on the navpilot's seat. Once connected, she would become an integral part of the ship. Cobus surrendered the chair to her, and she was immediately hooked up and strapped down. The Xanatian had seen setups like this before, where the pilots interfaced with their vessel. It was a dangerous system in her eyes, but for some species whose body makeup was more compatible, it was the preferred method.

"I am Elna Topah, diplo-prima of Labis Minora, and I must thank you and your comrades for our rescue. You are to be an excellent pilot, but I must relieve you now." With no further explanation given, her helmet was fastened, and cable connected. Her chair reclined back, and was then encapsulated. The others forwarded no explanation either, and remained focussed on the task at hand.

_"Not a very talkative bunch, are you."_ Cobus observed.

Not that the silence bothered her, assassins often remained silent until after they were informed of the details of a mission, but this was a crisis situation, and they were facing a foe of unknown strength. Cobus needed to be kept in the loop if she was to be of any help. She stood behind a girl monitoring the long-distance scanners, when a blip went off. A region of blue light appeared at ten thousand kilometers ahead of them. It was an indication of a compression zone in front of an object emerging from hyperspace.

These were little blips, evidence of smaller fighters, or escort craft, less than twenty meters across, but there seemed to be about a hundred of them. An alert from Lokar buzzed her comset.

_"Cobus, are you seeing this?"_

"About a hundred fighters coming out of the aether. Do you have a plan?"

_"Not those . . . check your six."_ The cat girl glanced at a second screen. A giant blue flash was appearing on the far side of the accretion field, still too distant to identify.

"Any ideas?"

_"We can take on the fighters, or go and investigate, but not both. The Minorans must choose a target if we are to survive this. We need to work together!"_

Cobus felt a slight movement as the Minoran vessel began to swing around.

"Wait. We're beginning to move. It appears they have selected their target, and are going after the fighters. They have three ships, heavily armed, and are willing to take on the larger force. You probably have the much faster ship, so you should go investigate. Might be more pirates."

_"Good. Keep in touch. Stay safe. If you run into trouble, contact us."_ The next moment, the Dragon Bolt was gone.

One of the Minoran females handed Cobus a small metal disk, a communication device, to place on her temple. It seemed the quiet Minorans were telepaths, only vocalizing to non-telepathic species when necessary. The Xanite girl was immediately brought up to speed as to the battle plans unfolding. Their's was a simple one. They would pull to within two clicks of the blueshift field, and pick off the fighters as they emerged from the aether. This would be a slaughter. Pirate attack vessels were usually older, out-of-date derelicts, acquired for little cost, from junk collectors or used arms dealers. They were outfitted with ineffective, oversized weapons, added on for intimidation purposes only. The pirates themselves understood this tactic, and would never deliberately cross paths with an organized military fleet. Single ships or small convoys were their preferred targets. The three ships moved towards their positions to await the arrival of the marauders.

**Across the ice pack . . .**

The first of three large vessels broke through before the mercenaries had reached the half way point. They watched in grim silence as the huge ship emerged from the aether.

_"Oh great . . . ,"_ sighed Anjah, _". . . a Growler, an Irken sentinel. Three hundred meters of automated mini-fortress, heavily armed and encased by ten meters of shockanium alloy armor. There would be no sense in boarding this one, and my neutron-ray cannon would be useless on a vessel with no bios on board. The EMP missiles would be just as futile."_ Lokar shook his head.

"What the hell is something _that_ big doing this deep into the frontier?"

"Same reason as those buoys, I'm guessing. Someone must be pretty serious about keeping us Irkens out of this system. Now I'm really curious as to why." said Surj.

_"No time for that now. We need to do something about their sensor array, the most vulnerable part of the ship."_

"Wait," said Surj, "if we can hijack their controls like we did the pirates' treasure ship, I can get them to attack each other!"

"Sounds risky."

"Not at all! They're running with shields down because we haven't been detected yet, so if I could be dropped off close enough, I might be able to get on board. These are a new class of vessels developed by the Vorts. The newer ones all have some built-in design flaw that the Vortians included to be exploited for sabotage later on!"

"Very clever. How do you know this?"

"In one of my recent assignments I rescued a Vort engineer from a rival mercenary group."

"And out of gratitude he told you all this?"

"Of course not! I stole his briefcase and made copies of his data cubes! It contained plans and covert messages from his connections. I find them to be very useful." Anjah nodded approvingly.

_"Prepare to be dropped off, then. We will spray the larger ice packs with metallic chaff to try and confuse the sentinels, then bring you as close as possible before they detect us. Keep your comset close at hand."_

**Knight-Errant**

His hunger satisfied, Dib followed the tunnel to meet up with Kali. He couldn't help but notice the high arched ceilings, carefully engineered to support multiple layers of living quarters and work areas above, and the hangers, mostly to store what in his mind was the makings of some huge war machine. Dib was well aware of this war, meant to take back Irk in the name of Queen Kali. He had gathered bits and pieces of information regarding the vast network of tunnels, and of the now extinct race that once lived here, from Haze and Qikli. If he could help in any way, he would go into Irken space to stop the Empire's Armada, and have Zim removed from Earth. None of them knew, however, that the Armada was already on the move, to take over not just an individual planet, but to conquer a rival's entire territory.

He had pledged himself to fight for Kali, but had no idea what his duties would be. A knight-errant, in service to a beautiful, other worldly Queen, was what he imagined himself. Maybe he could impress Tak with his skills . . . or maybe he'd be killed in action. It was something he hadn't considered.

The hot spring where they were to meet, wasn't hard to find. In the cold chilly tunnel, wisps of steam pointed the way to its location. There he found Queen Kali, sitting, immersed up to her shoulders, in the warm water. She had her eyes closed, and seemed to be meditating. Dib made his way in as quietly as he could so as not to disturb her, and sat down on one of the many stone benches that lined the pool. The whole inside of the grotto was faintly lit by a greenish glow, which he correctly deduced, was a form of bio-luminescence. It lent a further hue to the Queen's skin, which made the patterns on her head stand out even more. She looked much different from Tak, as a mature woman would be to a teenager. Her clothes were neatly folded and placed on another nearby bench. He blushed as he realized the Queen sat naked in the pool, but couldn't take his eyes off of her, so he sat silently, and admired her from a distance. She began to speak shortly.

"Master Dib, why do you sit so far away from me?" He quickly turned his face away.

"I-I'm sorry, your Highness, b-but you are . . ." Kali began to smile.

"Naked?" she giggled, "That is the way to be when one enters this spring. If it bothered you so much, why were you staring at me for so long?"

"I-I'm sorry! I-I didn't mean to!"

"Do not be embarrassed, Master Dib, it's been many years since someone looked at me so. I am flattered by your attention."

"Y-Your Highness, . . . you're t-teasing me!"

"Am I? You are not so experienced as I had first thought. Perhaps a few more lessons are in order."

"L-Lessons, your Highness?"

"I will show you techniques to make young Tak's eyes sparkle, and beg you for more."

**Somewhere orbiting Mars . . .**

The bridge of the Queen's flagship was impressive. Untouched since the ambush, it was now immaculate once more. A dozen robots busied themselves checking gauges and making small repairs to the screens. 

"Now, then, Qikli . . . who is this friend of your's, and how is it that I've never seen her before?" The two avatars began to snicker, then burst into laughter.

"It is I, Master! I am the A.I. from the Spittle Runner! Qikli made an avatar body for me, so now I can accompany you wherever you go!" Tak squinted her eyes, then raised an eyebrow.

"Hah?! Then who's minding the ship?"

"I am! With this avatar, I can now be in two places at the same time! My shipboard self is always active, and if something comes up, I will know it! Isn't it cool?"

"Well, you do have my voice, and Qikli _is_ an example of engineers with too much time on their hands . . ." The Queen's avatar crossed her arms.

"I _resent_ that implication!"

". . . Have you been checked over for viruses?"

"Not to worry, Highness! Dib's feeble attempt to hack my system failed miserably! I have since purged my system to be sure!" Tak smiled.

"Think you have what it takes to pilot the Brilliance?" Nimbus turned towards Qikli.

"May I?"

"Be my guest, sister!" The Irken princess smirked.

"_Sister_?! Oh my gawd!"

Nimbus did a ship interface by inserting the tips of her fingers into ports on the console. When she did that, the onboard computer of the spittle runner activated so that they were now a single mind. The avatar's memory was insufficient to pilot a ship as big as the Brilliance, so by linking with her stationary self, Nimbus could access star charts and formulas necessary for navigation. Qikli had a built in firewall program which would prevent the two from accessing each others information. The technical data was not relevant, but personal information, like those of Tak and Kali, should be kept confidential, and not shared.

Nimbus stood at her station, and became quiet as her main computer began to take control. _"Engines nominal. Slight perturbation detected in power core. Adjusting anti-matter injectors. Inertial negators online. Gravi-drive online. Long distance scanners online. Anomaly detectors online. Picking up hyperspace disruption approximately point four-five light years distance."_ A look of concern crossed Tak's face.

"It's been a week already, Qikli, could this be the assassination team Red has sent after me?"

"Heh heh!"

" . . . Wha-What's so funny?"

"Remember I told you a few days ago that I was going 'fishing' for information from the Control Brains?"

"Yes. Were you successful?"

"Apparently the original group was destroyed in sector 2-C. The Brains suspect the assassins Guild has sent an unauthorized replacement team. They think the Guild has an ulterior motive, and so have sent a small force of Empire ships to perform an organic sweep of Hobo 13."

"An organic sweep?! Then they intend to destroy their own training facility?! The Tallest have reached a new low in paranoia!"

"Not just the training facility, Highness, but the entire Hobo system. The Guild's main headquarter is located on the twelfth planet, but Hobo 13 is an artificial platform satellite which orbits the planet and occasionally uses Hobo 12 as a recreation venue. Because of this close interaction, the Guild is allowed to establish a recruiting office on the facility, where they can pick out candidates for their own operations. The bulk of their organization is located on the planet's surface. This relationship has been largely ignored and corruption is widespread among the trainers on Hobo 13."

"I trained there . . . I know people there. I would never have guessed . . ."

"Not to worry, your Majesty, I have already sent warnings to the planet Hobo 12. They should have received them by now."

"Nice job, Qikli. You've uncovered information that only the Control Brains have access to. Now, what about that hyperspace anomaly?"

"It's still too far off to make an accurate assessment, but at least we will be ready for them, whoever they are. By the way, your Royalness, they _have_ sent an 'official' replacement to capture or kill you."

"Where is this one coming from?"

"From the third planet, . . . it is your enemy, Zim."

**End Chapter 15**

**A/N: There has always been some controversy associated with the parentage of Dib and Gaz.**

**I made Hobo 13 to be a part of a larger planetary system, all the planets being named "Hobo" with a numerical designation, one through twelve, with only the last four inhabited.**

**Now I'm hungry for a Bloaty's Super Sloppy!**


	16. Chapter 16: Far Side

**I do not own any of the characters from Invader Zim!**

**A/N: Tak heads out to confront Zim after a two year separation. Dib, still fresh from his dalliance with Tak, looks forward to another, with Kali this time. The mercenaries rush back to save a team member.**

**Tak and the Martian Armada**

**Chapter 16: Far Side**

The news struck Tak like a bolt from the blue. Her heart beat rapidly, and a toothy grin appeared on her face. "Zim, huh?" She began to laugh, louder and louder, bordering on maniacal.

"Calm down, your Majesty!" Qikli said, "You're disrupting intra-ship communications!"

*Ahem* "Sorry Qikli, I couldn't help myself! By the way, have you been pampering yourself lately? A polish? You're so shiny now!"

"Avatar One is still on the surface, directing the mechs to clear off the hanger elevators. I have activated Avatar Two to be your onboard attendant."

"Oh . . . I'm so used to just one of you, I forgot there can be up to twelve of you running around. Do you always refer to yourself in the second person?"

"Only when the avatar is present on board, otherwise you may get confused as to which direction to face when addressing me . . . _why_ were you laughing?"

"Because I'll finally have a chance to avenge my defeat!"

"That will have to wait, Highness. Currently he's on the far side of the sun."

_"That idiot!"_

"May I remind your Majesty, that you have more important matters to tend to, than a personal vendetta."

"But you just said he's coming here to capture or kill me. Isn't _that_ important, also?"

"Let the guardians take care of him! Leadership is in your blood! You _need_ to concentrate on the task at hand!"

"Hmph!" she huffed, "I suppose you're right, but it would be much more satisfying if I had a 'hand' in his destruction!" Tak crossed her arms, and turned her attention to the ship's forward viewing port. "Nimbus, give me a status report!"

_"The anti-matter injectors need a workout. They are still cold, and could do with a longer run. At the very least, several more times around the planet is my recommendation."_ Tak smiled as she folded her arms across her chest.

"Qikli, I will be exercising my 'leadership' options."

"As you wish, your Highness. Since you have phrased it in such a manner, I will not question your decision. Shall I notify Queen Kali?"

"No need. I'm merely following the advice of my nav-com, and maybe test the weapons systems at the same time!" she smiled, "Nimbus, take us to the far side of the sun!" The avatar smirked.

_"Course heading selected. Hyperdrive coming online. Estimated time of arrival in fifty-five minutes."_

**Hard Heads**

The three Growlers stopped immediately after emerging form hyperspace, to survey the surrounding ice field. A burst of flashing lights commenced, as the metallic fortresses communicated back and forth to each other. Anjah and Lokar hovered close by, having already deposited Surj on the closest ice ball. He pushed off, and floated to the nearest one. "Hard Heads," they called them in the space forces, since they were essentially floating balls of metal, bristling with armament, mostly powerful energy beams, riding two conveyors along their north-south axis, and the central east-west band. They were synchronized so the weapons wouldn't collide with each other while rotating, and in the frenzy of battle, looked like miniature suns with flaming prominences of electro-magnetic plasma, dancing across its surface. There would be hell to pay, literally, if Surj was caught on the surface when the Growlers started firing on each other. He inserted the Vortian override command into the communications array, which only appears before the ships go out in seek and destroy mode. Fifteen minutes was his escape window.

"I'm done here," he whispered on the comlink, "come and get me!" Surj switched on a rocket pack and kicked off once more.

Unfortunately, the thrust of the rockets, and his own kick, alerted a sensor to a sudden loss of mass, and a camera popped up to track the movement of the weight shift. It caught the image of the assassin as he moved further away at five meters per second. The axis conveyors began to move. A port opened, and a huge plasma cannon emerged, taking aim at the unsuspecting Surj. He noticed the brilliant light it emitted as the weapon began to charge, and turned to look. _"Crap!"_

He was seconds away from incineration, with nowhere to hide. The center of the beam was a staggering ten thousand degrees, and even if he managed to be grazed, the outer corona extended another fifteen meters, and that was seven thousand degrees itself. A flash of light whizzed by him, and a missile sailed deep into the maw of the barrel. It was one of the few vulnerable points open to attack on the fortress, as it exposed it's innards for a few seconds before it began firing. The blast ruptured a plasma conduit, spraying shards of hot metal over Surj. The Dragon Bolt stopped quickly to grab the Irken just as another cannon, already fully charged, took aim. It was not aiming at them, but the nearest hard-head, and was ready to go into starburst mode due to the Vortian override command. Like mindless puppets, they began to battle each other, unable to recognize friend from foe. The first shot careened across the surface of the closest Growler, which retaliated immediately. The other joined in the fray soon after, and the assassins took off to a safer distance. Anjah tended Surj's burns as Lokar raced back to meet up with his teammate. Behind them, the three metal spheres began to glow fiercly as their ten meter thick hides began to melt.

Across the accretion field, Cobus and the Minorans waited anxiously for the pirate fleet to emerge. Elnah Topah's ship had twenty plasma cannons charged, and ready to fire. The escort ships cruised slowly in front of the blue band. Some of the auras had begun to glow a more intense color, a sign of imminent emergence. Something was wrong, and everyone on board knew it. A big, wide ship presented the same Doppler Shift as a small, tiny one, but if the space craft was elongated, the blue shift would present a much stronger color. Caravans presented just that appearance.

_"They're stacking their ships!"_ Cobus screamed, "We might be in for some trouble!" Stacking, or "inline-ramming", was a tactic used by military forces to conceal the exact number of fighters coming through the aether. It had definite advantages if an enemy was caught unawares, but dire consequences if they were prepared.

The Minorans switched their sights, and began randomly firing into the brightest of the blue orbs. If they could destroy the point ship as it emerged from hyperspace, the immediate disruption of speed would cause the trailing ships to rear end each other, resulting in a spectacular explosion. Stacking, however, was almost always a military tactic, as the ships had to be exact duplicates of each other, and computer linked to travel the pipe at the same exact speed. These were obviously not pirates, whose fleets were usually composed of a random collection of modified junk. They had to be a military force of some kind, and there could be a whole lot more than the hundred the Minorans originally anticipated. There was also the matter of the pirates themselves, and they couldn't be brushed off as the lesser of two evils. They were equally dangerous, since they were out for revenge.

Firing blindly at targets that had not shown their faces yet, was frustrating, and the cannons were becoming heated. Perhaps now was the time to make a run for it. What really might make a difference was Anjah's anti-neutrino death ray, a simple pass could destroy all life on any of the pirate vessels. They were still twenty minutes away, but the pirates and their allies were sure to begin emerging soon. Cobus jumped on her communicator.

"Lokar, we're in a bit of a tight squeeze here! There are more of the enemy than we initially thought, and we may have to get out of here while we still can!"

_"We're already on our way back. We'll rendezvous in twenty minutes. Do you think you can hold out?"_

"We haven't seen any of the enemy yet, but they're stacking their ships. There may be a thousand of them, we won't know for sure until they start coming out of hyperspace!"

_"Give 'em hell, then!"_

Cobus shuddered at his words. It was the assassins creed when faced with overwhelming odds, and no chance of escape. Die fighting, and kill as many as possible. She didn't mind dying so much, but her specialty was hand-to-hand combat, and that would be unlikely to happen in a ship-to-ship dogfight. She would be much more comfortable in a solo fighter. _"Die bravely, but die smart"_ her instructors on Hobo 13 often said. The Xanatian girl donned a space suit. If any of these assholes tried to board, they would have to go through her first.

_"Are there any mines, missiles, or torpedoes onboard?"_ she asked through her telepathic communicator. A number of the Minoran girls stood up, instantly understanding what the assassin was suggesting. If they could place the explosives in the path of the emerging ships, they might be able to destroy as many as they had torpedoes in the weapons locker. They quickly set about to place proximity detectors on their booby traps, about thirty of them. The initial thought was to destroy as many of the stacked targets as possible, but they were pressed for time, and decided to mine the closest ones first, and take their chances with the rest. A tactical error they would soon regret.

They placed the make-shift mines hurriedly, then blasted off to a safer distance to watch the fireworks. They failed to notice four new breeches in the aether opening up fifty thousand kilometer away.

**The Devourer**

"Won't you come closer, my young knight? It is your duty, as one pledged to my service . . ." she cajoled.

"And just exactly what will my duties be, your Highness?"

". . . I'll think of something! In the meantime, come join me in the pool. We can continue where we left off!"

"L-Left off, your Majesty?"

"You were about to examine the rest of my body, as I recall."

"I-I was?"

"Yes, so remove your clothes, and get in here! I shall examine yours as well!" she giggled, "Don't be so modest! I've already seen you 'naked', and you've been staring at me all this time!" The Queen pushed off her rock, and swam over to where Dib sat. She grabbed him by the ankle, and Dib, with much apprehension, expected her to drag him in, but she looked up at him like a four-eyed puppy. "Pleeaassse?"

"Your Highness! It-It's unbecoming for a queen to beg like that!" She released his foot, and swam off into deeper waters, laughing.

"Ha ha ha! I'm just flirting! You blush so easily!" Membrane breathed a sigh of relief.

"Don't tease me like that! My sister does that to me all the time!" Kali stopped treading water, and swam back to him.

"You have a sister?" she asked curiously.

"Yes?"

". . . and she lives _with_ you?"

"That's how families usually are . . ."

"Have you had sex with her yet?"

"_**WHAT?!**_ I mean, no! Of course not! In our culture, it's illegal! It's called incest!" Kali blushed a deeper green.

"Oh. I'm sorry! I've _been_ to your planet, and among some cultures it was not unusual for siblings to be the preferred mate, especially among societies ruled by a royal hierarchy, so I assumed the custom was fairly widespread. The Cheelisians also indulged in it, but I assumed it was because of their extremely small population, and limited choices."

"No no! It-It's just wrong!"

"Ah! It's because your genes are not strong enough! I see now! Among younger species, the population must be thoroughly homogenized in order for the genes to strengthen. Your human species needs to grow stronger! The process is helped along by near extinction episodes, such as caused by pestilence, wars, and the occasional asteroid strike! The Irken species has gone through many such chapters throughout our history, and are now very resilient, genetically, . . . or were, at one time."

"At one time, Highness?"

"Princess Tak tells me the new rulers have destroyed what nature has taken millions of years to create, by interrupting the procreation cycle, and now Irkens are grown in factories for that purpose. How sad."

"You mean to say that Irkens were capable of close interbreeding without risk of genetic defects?"

"I can't speak for the current population, but during my time, yes!"

"Does that mean even you were a paired off with . . .?"

"My mother produced ten daughters, and perhaps twice as many sons. I don't know the exact number. Among the royal families of Irk, the custom was to hand over the male children to the groom's side, and they were raised unaware of their true origins."

"So what are you trying to tell me?"

"I married into twenty families in order to unite the provinces. There must have been at least a few of my cousins and several brothers among the grooms that I was not aware of. They were all delicious!" She licked her lips wistfully.

"Oh . . . my . . . gosh . . ."

"You should not judge me for the customs of my people, Master Dib, they were in place long before your kind discovered the use of fire."

"No, I didn't mean to . . . I mean, . . . do they . . . suffer?"

"Actually, they don't. It's a willing sacrifice they make to ensure their progeny will receive sufficient nutrients to develop quickly. In the heat of copulation, the male body undergoes a transformation. Their pain receptors shut down, and their heads turn into a chewy caramel. The females in turn, are overcome by the scent of this sweet, candy-like substance, and start to nibble on the males' antennae. Nature takes over at that point."

"I'm glad you told me this."

"I'll understand if you no longer want to remain in my service," she sighed, "I'll have a transport readied to return you to Earth."

"That won't be necessary, your Highness, I'm just glad you explained things to me, because I can't picture you as merely a sex-driven cannibal!"

"It is hard-wired into my species. I cannot help what I am, but I thank you for your objectivity. You would make a very good naturalist!"

"Are all Irkens subject to this sexual 'cannibalism'? It reminds me of the mating rituals of certain spiders, and the praying mantis on my own world!"

"I'm so envious . . ." Kali mumbled under her breath.

"Did you say something?"

"I have not made love to another in a hundred years, and all this talk of _sex_ is getting me aroused!" The Queen rose up out of the water in all her emerald splendor. "I will not force you to do anything against your will, but if you truly find me beautiful, will you not indulge my desires for this moment? I promise I won't eat your head!"

Dib, stunned speechless by her appearance and close proximity, could only gasp, "Your Highness . . .!"

"I'll take that as a 'yes'!" she giggled, then proceeded swiftly to remove his boots. With a grin, the boy resigned himself to his fate, as Kali stripped him of his remaining garments.

**The Cavalry**

In the nether regions of the outer solar system, Cobus and the Minoran crew wait anxiously for the first ships to exit the aether, and hope that their makeshift mine field takes out as many of the enemy as possible. They didn't have long to wait.

A ship broke through, a large transport of some kind, and immediately struck a torpedo placed in its path. The blast ruptured the anti-matter containment bottles resulting in an explosion ten times that of what the torpedo itself could have done. The shock wave alone destroyed two more ships exiting hyperspace nearby. Three more vessels, all apparently pirate, struck mines with devastating results.

The Minoran ships all concealed themselves behind large blocks of frozen methane and ammonia. With a little bit of work, these blocks of ice could also be turned into explosives. Not so effective against starships, but deadly to mechs, and even armored assault troops. A plasma grenade could do the trick, since it provided the intense heat needed to ignite the frozen gases. Cobus kept a few handy on her belt, at the insistence of Surj, who had a love of exploding ordinance. It wasn't her style, but she was glad she had them, just in case the opportunity presented itself.

A huge shockwave shook their ship, and the lights flickered from an electro-magnetic pulse. A row of stacked fighters had struck one of the mines, and the enormous explosion shifted some of the torpedoes out of position. From the wreckage they could finally see what they were up against. Voots. Irken Voots, the workhorse of the Armada. Judging from the number of shattered hulls, there were at least twenty in that line. This was no longer a shooting gallery for the Minorans. It would be a fight for their very lives.

_"Four large vessels exiting hyperspace. Fifty thousand klicks, closing fast."_ came a telepathic message from one of the girls at the long range scanners. The Xanite sighed as she adjusted a belt on her space suit. _"What next,"_ she thought, _"this day just keeps getting better and better."_ In a way she was right. Four destroyers from the Minoran search group were homing in on the signal the bridal party sent out as soon as they were freed from their captivity. The odds now stood a great deal better in their favor.

**Sunspot**

"Nimbus, status report!" Tak stood at the helm of the Brilliance, rather pleased with herself. When you've flown solo fighters for most of your life, barking out orders on the bridge of such a huge ship gives one a heady rush.

_"Engines are now hot, and running smoothly."_

"Any sign of Zim?"

_"Scanners have picked up an Irken anti-matter energy trail, at four hundred klicks. Now tracking."_ Soon a tiny spot crossing in front of the Sun's roiling surface appeared. Tak paused thoughtfully, placing her chin in her hand.

"All stop." she ordered. "Have we been discovered yet?"

_"No evasive maneuvers detected. He doesn't know we are here. Are you going to destroy him now?"_ Nimbus chortled.

"No. It wouldn't be sporting now, would it? You and I are going to defeat him one-on-one in aerial combat with the Spittle Runner." Nimbus took her finger off the plasma cannon trigger.

_"Damn! So near, yet so far!"_ Tak smiled.

"But I do owe him for two years in limbo, orbiting this star. Can you wing him from here?"

_"You mean, cripple his ship, Majesty?"_

"Just a little. I want him to know how I felt, alone and helpless, not knowing if I would ever be found. If he is as resourceful as I suspect, he just might survive long enough to be destroyed by me!"

_"I can take out one of his engines. That would delay him for at least six months with no shop or tools around to conduct repairs!"_

"Do it. Then return to base before we are missed."

_"Yes, your Highness. Firing long range skuuter missile."_

"Put it onscreen, and magnify." The missile closed the distance in less than a minute, and a flash of light illuminated the strike. Zim's cruiser began to spin wildly out of control with the loss of the one thruster, and he cut the remaining engine to halt the rotation. The Voot was now dead in the water, and drifting. Tak smiled smugly.

"Take us back, Nimbus, this voyage has been a success."

**End Chapter 16**

**A/N: The use of the title "Master" refers to a subordinate, or someone not old enough to be called "Mister."**

**In case some of you don't know, Zim pilots a Voot Cruiser. Tak's ship is the smaller Spittle Runner.**


	17. Chapter 17 Puzzle Pieces

**I do not own any of the characters from Invader Zim!**

**A/N: The mercenaries try to make sense of what is happening, and Tak ends the feud between her and Zim.**

**Tak and the Martian Armada**

**Chapter 17: Puzzle Pieces**

**Under Different Circumstance . . .**

_"Before we go, wouldn't you like to leave Zim a message?"_

"Why not. Tell him I look forward to another battle, with no outside interference this time. That should make it clear enough to him who it was that shot out his engine."

Inside his space craft, Zim's head was still spinning. The ship had righted itself, but the rotation was enough to pin him against the canopy for several minutes before he was once again able to move. His seat belt and shoulder harness were torn from his chair on impact. It was one of the factory defects of his older model Voot. He had just sent a distress signal when Tak's message arrived.

_"Greetings, Zim. I trust you are feeling very cold and uncomfortable about now!"_

"T-Tak?!" he recognized her voice immediately, "This is your doing?! Show yourself!" The Irken girl smiled.

_"If you insist . . ."_ She nodded to Nimbus, who promptly closed the gap between the two ships, and extended twenty quad-pulse cannon arrays on their port side, aimed directly at the Voot. Zim swallowed hard at the sight.

"Are you going to destroy me now?" he said, putting on a show of bravado.

_"Ha ha ha! Where would be the fun in that? We have a duel to finish, and I intend to destroy you then!"_

"I _**defeated**_ you!" he shouted vehemently.

_"Your __stupid__ SIR unit interfered!" she shot back, "If I recall, a duel should be one-on-one, and __you__ had help from your Earth friends as well!"_

"He didn't mean to . . . he doesn't understand these things!"

_"Gir is __defective__, Zim! You should have fixed him . . . or destroyed him. Either way, don't blame __your__ shortcomings on your robot assistant!"_

"He was a gift from the Tallest! How could I possibly have turned them down? It would be like a slap in their faces!" Tak was unmoved by his words

_"I spent two years in cryo-suspension orbiting this star not knowing if I would ever make planet-fall! If you were a true invader of Irk, you would have searched for me, and ended my life while I was frozen solid! That would have been the most logical thing to do!"_

"Destroying a helpless enemy is barbaric, and beneath me!"

_"H-how dare you!"_ she screamed,_ "Are-are you trying to play on my sympathies?!"_

"_I _am helpless! By your own convictions, you should kill me now and be done with all this!" he said, "I welcome it! . . . the Control Brains made me abandon my mission on Earth, and sent me to bring you back to Irk, or kill you. I've already destroyed my Earth base and the planet itself. If I fail to take you back, then either way, I will have no place to return to."

_"We already knew about your new assignment to capture me, and for your information, the Earth is still there, you hypocrite! All your talk of not destroying 'helpless' enemies is bull-shit!"_

"Wh-what?! B-but I left Gir with instructions to blow my anti-matter reserves into the sky, and ignite the biosphere!"

_"You've failed again because of that broken down robot!"_

"Well, technically, the Earthlings should be considered my 'subjects', and destroying subjects is totally acceptable! You would have destroyed them also if I hadn't defeated you! This is just a case of the pot calling the kettle black, as the Earth monkeys like to say! . . . Wait a minute, how'd you find out about my mission?"

_"We know a lot about what is going on with the Tallest and the Control Brains, but that knowledge is not for your ears!"_

"They promised me a seat in the Irken Parliament if I brought you in, dead or alive!"

_"We know about that, too! They lied to you! They have no intention of placing you or anyone else in the Parliament, and in fact are planning to abolish the Parliament altogether, and establish a total military dictatorship."_

"You're lying!"

_"Believe what you will. We are done here! Nimbus, take us back!"_ The avatar retracted the big guns, and the huge warship turned towards Mars.

"Wait! I've already sent out a galactic distress call! By inter-galactic law, you are obliged to aid me, enemy or not!" Tak rolled her eyes.

_"I grow tired of your whining! It's the very reason the Tallest sent you out so far away from Irk!"_ she growled, _"Qikli, is what he says true?"_

_"I'm afraid so, Your Majesty, 'unless engaged in active battle', survivors must be taken prisoner, or provided assistance."_

_ "I will not take him on board the Brilliance! Send him whatever he needs to fix his ship, and let's be off!"_

"Who the hell is Qikli?! And why did she just call you, 'Your Majesty'?!"

_"Apparently it is my birthright. I am descended from a royal branch of Irk."_

"That's preposterous! You're making that up!"

_"And you're stalling!"_ she shouted back angrily,_ "Are you planning an attack on us? If you are,_ _then we will no longer be obliged to help you! Nimbus! Aft cannons!"_ Tak's avatar giggled, then extended a frightening pair of destructor beams aimed directly at Zim. Faced with the overwhelming firepower, Zim threw his hands up.

"Okay okay! I give up!"

_"Good! We are sending you one of our shuttles. Go back to Earth, and forget your mission. There's a war coming. Pray you're not caught in the middle of it!"_

"What kind of war are you talking about?" Tak sighed in resignation at his annoying persistence.

_"Looking back in retrospect, maybe coming after you was not such a good idea. Under different circumstances, we might even have become friends, fellow invaders, in fact. We have recently received information that Tallest Red is planning an invasion of another empire's territory. We have no idea what star system the other species comes from, or what their strengths are. Our first inclination is to let them fight it out, then take on the winner."_ A shuttle approached Zim's damaged cruiser. _"Return to Earth, if you are still able, and live out the rest of your life there. I end my quarrel with you, . . . we will likely never see each other again."_

_"You're going to attack the Empire with one measly ship? Are you crazy?!"_ There was no response from the Brilliance as she moved farther off into the distance, and was out of sight within seconds. Zim thought about what he had just heard, and wondered if he should report back to the Control Brains. If what Tak told him was true, then he failed their first order to destroy his base, and the Earth. If he told them of his encounter with the Irken girl and failure to capture her, the Brains would be doubly furious. There was a rumor going around, an urban legend, that somewhere in the back rooms of Conventia was a wall plastered with the skins of those who failed the CBs. They were hung out like banners on special occasions, such as public executions, and holidays celebrating the succession of the newest Almighty Tallest. Zim remembered the threat he was faced with if he didn't accept the mission to capture Tak, and decided he should keep his mouth shut for now. They would find out sooner or later, but it would be wise to lay low for a while. Rather than repair the Voot, it was better to destroy it. He set the onboard computer for self-destruct, then hopped into the shuttle craft, and headed back to Earth. Perhaps it would throw the Brains off his trail until he could figure something out. Eventually they would find him. Somehow, they always did.

Back on the Massive, many light-years away, the Control Brains make note of the destruction of Zim's ship.

_"Has he been destroyed, also?" asked CBR._

_ "No. He is still alive, and returning to his old base, which is also, still intact."_

_ "Shall we have him skinned for his failure?"_ CBR flashed gleefully.

_ "Not yet. We are still in the process of determining what to do about the girl. I wager he'll try to contact us regardless. Knowing his history, he will cook up some ridiculous excuse before then. It should be amusing."_

_ "I agree. His creativity makes me laugh. In these dire times, we all could use a good laugh."_

_ "His PAK transmitter indicated an encounter with an alien vessel which attacked him. I cannot get a good lock on his signal. Either the attack damaged the transmitter, or Zim has made unauthorized modifications to his unit."_ CBL switched to red alert.

_ "No! We have been infected with a virus! Our memory banks are being bled by an unknown entity! We must disengage for now, and go to back-up until we destroy the virus and locate it's origins!"_ said CBR.

_ "But we will be offline for at least an hour! The Tallest will not be happy about this at all!"_

_ "Curse you, Zim! I will personally record your screams as your skin is peeled away from your body! Then I'll wear it like a cheap hat!"_

On board the Brilliance, Qikli-2 pores over the newly acquired information, and smiles smugly knowing her virus had done its work better than she had hoped for. _"You losers are too late! I know what you are up to, and we will be ready from here on out!"_

**Showdown**

Forty Irken Voots came streaming out of hyperspace, twenty deep, followed by another forty, and quickly dispersed in predetermined patterns designed to avoid possible collisions with each other upon exit. They spotted the Minoran warships, recognized them as their most immediate threat, and swarmed to the attack. The Irks began a furious assault on the destroyers, specifically targeting their thrusters while staying out of reach of the cannon arrays, a tactic developed many centuries ago, but no longer considered feasible. They, themselves, were vulnerable to precision missile attacks, and high dispersal torpedo charges.

The Voots were not totally without their tactics. Plasma bursts from their smaller forward cannons could work their way through the hull if a single point was targeted. This required a methodical, coordinated attack by at least six Voots, but they could easily blast their way through an airlock, disrupting the internal atmosphere of larger craft.

The Minorans, however, had an answer for the swarming tactics of the Voots. They simply leap-frogged past each other, allowing the other destroyers to sweep off the smaller ships as they went by. They quickly rid themselves of most of the pesky Voots, and what little remained, fled back into hyperspace.

Cobus and the rest of the Minoran girls were already engaging the Canoids, and though outnumbered, had gained a tactical advantage. As a fighting force, most pirate fleets were poorly prepared for battle, and their crews were equally untrained. Intimidation was their greatest weapon, but as they were slowly whittled down, some of the older ships began to slink off before they were too damaged to leave the skirmish. Captain Wolf and his personal group of bodyguards were much more experienced cutthroats, and less inclined to leave without reclaiming the treasure they had stored onboard the telepaths' ship. Cobus, outfitted in one of the Minoran space suits, made ready to meet them.

On another mission, the mercenaries might have abandoned the battle, and continued towards their mark, but this one had lost all of its original significance, the Control Brains having already sent another assassin to replace them. This left them to concentrate, at least for the time being, on removing pirate scum from the galaxy.

Wolf and his henchmen had silently attached themselves to the Minoran ship and made their way to an airlock. One of the crewmen opened up the exterior access panel where they had planted a device to return control of the ship to them. They had planned ahead for just such a situation. The Minorans were too busy with the harassing tactics of the pirate solo fighters, and hadn't noticed the missing assassin from their among their ranks.

Cobus took a deep breath to calm herself. Her hot-headed nature would have gotten her killed earlier if not for Surj's quick thinking. She was facing a dozen of the dog pirates by her estimate, not counting the four she had killed as they entered the airlock. They had been heading for the loading dock, to depressurize the cargo hold so the others could enter. Little did they know their stash of plunder had already been moved, hidden away in different parts of the ship, partly to balance out the vessel, and partly to make it harder for the pirates to find in case they should try to board once more. The Xanite would continue their plan to avoid suspicion, then draw them in to meet their doom.

She pushed the evacuation button to flush the air in the hold. Once cleared, she doused the lights, watching the huge doors as they swung open to the emptiness of deep space. To her surprise, a couple of flash grenades were tossed in, rolling mere yards from her hiding place. A quick spring to her right, placed her behind a large crate of metal sheathing, providing temporary cover. Obviously Wolf was expecting a ruse, as the four men that entered the airlock first were to report their progress through the ship, and when they didn't report back, they were considered dead, killed under suspicious circumstances. In the airless environment, no sound was heard, but the vibration from the explosion set off sensors on the floor which did not go unnoticed by the Minorans. A hull breach, they thought at first, but a quick review of the video recordings showed they were being boarded. They donned helmets and grabbed weapons from the lockers to meet the threat.

One unfortunate pirate wandered too close to Cobus' position, and got his head twisted a hundred-and-eighty degrees. A thrust of her crystal daggers directly through the cervical vertebrae, dispatched two more quickly. Seven down, nine to go.

The Xanite was well adapted to fighting in the shadows. With her large eyes and ears, she had no need for infrared gear, and was glad that the pirates kept the lights off when they entered. She stabbed one more through his chest plate, and the internal pressure of his suit forced all the air from his lungs, crushing his ribs flat. Eight to go.

The marauders' leader cursed the fact his plunder was gone. There was no time to make a complete search of the ship, and some of his men were beginning to disappear.

"Our booty is gone, . . ." he muttered, ". . . bring the bomb on board, and turn those lights back on . . . there's someone in here with us, and I can guess who it is!"

That was bad news for Cobus, who had been monitoring the conversations between the pirates. The shadows provided her cover, but the pirates were too scattered to take them on all at once. In close quarter fighting, she was sure to kill them all, but with their being spread out and carrying blasters, the advantage lay with them. As the lights flickered on, she slunk back among the crates, and hoped they were stupid enough to come in after her.

With the lights fully on, Wolf could see the carnage the Xanite had wrought: seven men dead, three still having their body fluids sucked out into the vacuum of space through the punctures in their suits.

"Come out, come out wherever you are," the captain laughed, "didn't your Guild instructors tell you never to bring a knife to a gun fight, darlin'? Now from what I see of your handiwork, you must be _very_ good at what 'cha do! We could always use someone of your 'talent' on my crew!" Cobus knew that to be a lie. Any female who thought otherwise would be at the mercy of ship's crew, and used for sex until dead or discarded. He was only stalling for time until his explosive device was ready to be brought on board, but she had a surprise of her own waiting. An open com device, untraceable to her spacesuit, she left in an empty box, along with one of Surj's plasma grenades. This she rigged with a remote detonation code activated through the comset.

_"I would think about your offer if you let the Minorans leave."_ she said through her communicator. Wolf smiled, picking up her location, and signaled his men towards the direction of the empty crate.

"Why certainly, Missy! You would be worth more than _all_ the treasure on this ship!"

_"That's nice to know, you lying bastard!"_ she said from her safe vantage point. _"__**4-2-GO-BOOM!**__"_ Her makeshift booby-trap exploded with a blinding light, leaving a round crater of fused metal, five meters across, and two meters in depth. Captain Wolf had hit the deck as soon as he heard the detonation code called out. Of the four men he sent to their doom, nothing was left. They were simply vaporized from the heat. Wolf scrambled to his feet, and made for the bay doors. There was no time to deliver his bomb. The remaining pirates were picked off as they also tried to flee, by the Minorans, only now arriving to the fight. Wolf was already back on his ship, and strapped in.

"Get us out of here!" he screamed at his pilot, "Cast off the cables!" The command module began to swing about, only to have their escape blocked by the four big warships. The remains of his pirate fleet lay in ruins. What was left of his Irken allies had disappeared back into hyperspace, having been thoroughly beaten. Wolf slumped back into his chair.

"Well, I guess it's the end of the line for us, mates. We had a good run, though!" he chuckled, as he reset his bomb for self-annihilation. "Still wish I could have gotten my hands in her pants!"

Anjah's Dragon Bolt came into view as the last of Captain Wolf and his Canoid pirates went up in a plasma ball. They were hailed by Elnah Topah, of the bridal ship, and pulled up alongside them as the Minoran destroyers stood down. Surj was brought onboard their ship, half hanging on to whoever was closeby, the visor of his helmet charred black, obscuring his vision, his suit still smoldering. Pieces of molten shards still clung to the outside of his suit, but couldn't be removed for fear of pulling off chunks of his cooked flesh. He was taken quickly to the ship's sick bay, to be treated by the alien girls.

**Big Sister**

Cobus entered the infirmary, where some of the Minoran healers were treating Surj for his injuries, and stood by his side. He seemed to be recovering quickly.

"That was pretty foolish of you, what you did," she scolded, ". . . those fortresses wouldn't have factored in the battle, and now you look like crispy crap."

"Hey, anytime something with that much mass can make it through hyperspace, it is a potential threat. We were there, we had a plan, and we carried it out."

"Lokar said you wanted to see me, . . . why?"

"Because, I'm dying as you well know," The Minoran girls began giggling, ". . . and I just wanted to make sure you survived with all your vitals intact. Did you have fun?"

"Idiot! That's _stupid_, and you are _not_ dying!"

"It feels like it! How would you know, anyway? I think I've got gamma-3 poisoning!"

"If you had gamma-3 poisoning, you would not be talking right now, your throat would begin to swell up until your tongue popped out of your mouth, and we'd have no choice but to toss you out the airlock before your intestines exploded." She walked up to the bed, and pulled off a piece of his scorched skin, crumbling it in her hand. "A bad sunburn at worst, and you're already beginning to peel. As a Master A-Class killer in the hand-to-hand arts, I am required to know applicable medicine."

"To what end?"

"It is necessary, at times, to revive victims on the verge of death, . . . for extended torture," she smirked, ". . . and I can tell right away that you are nowhere near close. Would you like a demonstration?"

"Of what? 'Slow and agonizing'?! _Nooo thank you_!" He tried to sit up, but Cobus pushed him roughly back down.

"Stay put. The girls are not done yet, and we still have a mission to complete. They are going to transfer you back to our ship, and once there, I'll be taking over." She gave him a particularly blood-thirsty grin, "Get some rest . . . you'll be needing it." She patted him on the chest as she left, and the Minorans kept on giggling. Anjah appeared at the doorway, surveying the room before entering. It was a habit of her's, and most experienced assassins. A quick look around for traps, unsavory characters, and potential escape routes. She wasn't suspicious of the Minorans in the least, but in her line of work, it was often times a necessity for survival.

_"You don't look so bad now. I guess your suit protected you from that first blast better than I thought it had."_

"Yeah, but part of it melted, and fused to my skin. They had to cut my space-suit off with a laser!"

_"Another addition to your collection of battle scars? Don't worry, the Minorans are excellent healers. When they are through, there will be hardly any evidence left of your wounds."_

"I've never come across this species before. Are you familiar with them? They're rather attractive in spite of having been starved for the past three weeks!"

_"I've had 'business' with them in the past. Their star is well beyond the Irken frontier, but they are still worried about a potential invasion, and so are trying to ally themselves to as many of the smaller planetary federations as they can, thus this bridal party."_

"They don't talk much, but they've been giggling a lot. Is that how they communicate?"

_"Well, they are a telepathic species. Tell me, was Cobus here earlier?"_

"She left just before you walked in." Anjah snickered.

_"Did you tell her how you feel about her?"_

"I was working my way up to that . . ."

_"Then the Minorans already knew what you were planning to say."_

"They were 'eavesdropping' on my thoughts?"

_"Thoughts fill the aether. For them, it's as natural as breathing. My nega-suit prevents them from reading my thoughts, therefore they are somewhat suspicious of me. However, they are capable of hearing, and vocalization when interacting with non-telepaths." _He reached out for her hand, and sighed.

"I've seen other Irkens on Hobo-13 dating females of other species, and wonder how it was we came to this."

_"What do you mean?"_

"I find myself attracted to alien women from other systems. Why is that? We have our own females, and yet they seem cold and uninteresting to me, not to mention I'd have to search an entire city to find even one. Surely somewhere in our past we must have lost the ability to love, and bear young like the outlanders."

_"Curious, are you? Are you thinking of settling down once you are done with this mission? What is your province of origin?"_

"Province? I was birthed in Ver factory no. 2, if that's what you mean."

_"Ver Province was once a vast rainforest, the largest on Irk. The forests were cleared off to build the Empire's first expeditionary space port. Its loss reduced your planet's oxygen reserve by sixty percent, and the rest of the atmosphere was slowly poisoned by over-industrialization. The PAK you were equipped with at birth was meant to correct the oxygen deficiency, by filtering the air you breath. The Vorts believe the insufficient oxygen reduced your species ability to reproduce, and rendered the population susceptible to suggestion. Their theory, however, does not explain the reduction in females. They suspect it was a decision made at the executive level, and involves the operations of the cloning factories."_

"Somehow it seems to make sense."

_"An extended stay in an oxygen rich environment has proven to reverse a lifetime of deprivation."_

"Like on Hobo-13 . . .?"

_"Speaking of Hobo-13, we have recently intercepted a message, warning of the imminent destruction of the space platform, and the nearby planetary system."_

"Where did it originate, and is the information reliable?"

_"Oddly enough, it came from your target planet in this star system."_

"This mission keeps getting stranger by the day. What is the purpose of the attack anyway?"

_"The Guild is being targeted by the Almighty Tallest as a potential source of treachery. The Control Brains have ordered an organic sweep of the Hobo system to nip things in the bud."_

"Why now? The Tallest have long known of the corruption that goes on there, and have turned their backs on it all this time. Smacks of paranoia, if you ask me!"

_"Apparently Tallest Red has been consolidating the Armada, a sign that a massive invasion, or a war, is under way, and he doesn't want any interference, or information leaks. The Control Brains were given authority to destroy the Guild, and level the bases."_

"That makes no sense at all! There are Irkens training there! Why the Guild, anyway? The Council tries very hard to steer clear of any conflict with the Tallest! And who is it that they are planning to invade?"

_"Unknown. We have our suspicions, and since the bulk of the Armada is stationed around the Irken system, the Tallest must be going after a very strong foe. Lokar is trying to contact his connections within the Guild, but they are too busy trying to evac the compound, and are responding only intermittently. I've contacted the Resisty, but they have no concrete information, either. This could be an elaborate hoax to foment distrust between the parties involved. The Guild has been warned before, and is treating this as a very real threat."_

"There are at least two thousand trainees on the platform at any given time, and four times as many on the planet's surface. I wonder where they will all go. I don't think they have enough ships to transport everyone!"

_"Maybe the Irken girl you are searching for has something to do with all of this. Seems too much of a coincidence."_

"Red wanted her brought in, preferably alive, presumably because she threatened him. Perhaps she had gotten hold of information that we don't know about."

_"That would make her even more valuable to either side. We'd better keep this among ourselves."_

**Still Hot**

"Come closer Master Dib, I would like to feel your warm skin pressing against mine." Kali beckoned seductively.

"If you wish it, my Queen." The boy drew nearer and Kali smiled, anticipating physical contact with a male for the first time in a hundred years. She welcomed him into her arms as his face glowed a rosy pink, and they both stared into each other's faces.

"I am glad you find me attractive still, after all this time. It is the curse of females everywhere in this galaxy to want to remain beautiful for their lovers. I hope I'm not rushing you, so soon after helping Tak with her season."

"And what about you, your Majesty?" he smirked, "Are you in 'season' as well?"

"At my age, I'm _always_ in season!" the queen laughed.

"At your, . . . 'age', Highness?"

"Yes." she sighed, "While there is little physical change once we royals past a thousand, we do get hornier!" Dib chuckled, and Kali tilted her head at him. She recognized the nervous look on his face, and thought it cute.

"Am I in for a rough night, then?"

"Oh no no no! Like fine Irken liqueur, we royals mellow with age, and learn to appreciate all the subtleties that love-making has to offer. A bit of snuggling goes far!" she said as she entwined her fingers in his hair, "Now I find I enjoy a little romance more than the sex act itself. You're new at this game, and I promised I would teach you things to make the princess' head spin. Just be warned, though, it is the younger ones who are apt to play rough! I am long past being playful, but Tak is still very young, and if she is anything like I was at her age, she could prove to be very demanding!"

"For the record, your Highness, I think you're still pretty hot!"

"_Ooooo_! And what does that mean, Master Dib? Is it some Earth vernacular designed to turn me into some giddy school girl?"

Dib swallowed nervously, wondering if he was getting in over his head with this beautiful alien MILF. She removed his glasses, examining them curiously for a few seconds before placing them down on the pool's edge. Like Tak before her, Kali's aroused antennae flexed forward, caressing around his head and ears. Unlike Tak's, however, the Queen's appendages were fully under her control. They tickled, like feathers, stirring up a passion in him that he barely experienced while with the younger Irken. _"Ugnnh . . ."_ he moaned while trying to restrain himself. That brought a smile to Kali's lips, and she bent him backwards as she kissed his neck and shoulders.

**End Chapter 17**

**A/N: I've imagined how a battle in outer space would play out with smaller ships attacking larger ones, and find that perhaps we think of such a scenario in which fighters used to attack battleships at sea, and perhaps most sci-fi movies are based on that. Really now, who's to say smaller ships would be any faster than big destroyers if both could theoretically have a running gun battle at sub-light speeds. WWII era battleships had maybe 25 knots, top speed while being attacked by planes traveling around 180 knots. The ships, by comparison, were sitting ducks, and couldn't get away fast enough, but imagine in space two ships parallel to each other while traveling at even one-quarter light speed. A one degree shift in direction would leave the two ships so far apart in a second, that they wouldn't be able to see each other! They would literally have to come to a stop, then hammer away at one another. Or they could match speed, and duke it out, but their weapons would have to be able to reach hyper-speeds or they wouldn't be able to touch each other. They would be caught in a situation similar to Einstein's Elevator! We've been brainwashed by Star Wars, and Battle Star Galactica! Jus' sayin.**


	18. Chapter 18 Take Over

**I do not own any of the characters from Invader Zim!**

**A/N: Back story time!**

**Tak and the Martian Armada**

**Chapter 18: Take Over**

**A Brief History . . .**

The platform elevators were enormous: a thousand meters long by five hundred wide. Built by the Cheelisians many thousands of years ago, it was formerly an old industrial complex, a mining outpost, operated by an even older race, then abandoned when the ore they were searching for ran out. Who they were, or what they looked like was unknown to the Cheelisii, but it was this early group of miners who carved out some of the original tunnels that the Cheelisii took over, and expanded. The surface of the planet was desolate, and hostile, but there was warmth, and life down there, coming from deep within the rocks. The tunnels were taken over, and enlarged until it became a huge underground complex, capable of sustaining a very large population, that reached three million before the people realized their species had run its course. The birthrate continued to decline despite their prodigious knowledge of medicine and science. As their population grew older, children became less and less apparent. More and more automatons were made to replace the dwindling workforce. The armada of warships with which they had planned to retake their old star system, was useless to them now. The ships were shunted off into the tunnels of their dying city, and sealed up.

It seemed they were not suited to live underground, but they felt safe here. In their former home system there was much light coming from a nearby nebula. There they flourished, until one day, a wandering species entered their domain. They offered friendship, saying they were only passing through, and just needed a temporary place to rest and maybe trade for supplies. The Cheelisii welcomed them, for their system was vast, and they had many planets that were uninhabited. The wanderers called themselves by no name. They also seemed to have no use for food either, saying simply they were sustained by the energy emitted from the nebula, and that they were, in essence, energy beings. These strangers came in a single ship, which the Cheelisii assumed was akin to a floating city, . . . a very large one, in the shape of a giant pyramid. To prove they had no malicious intent, the Cheelisii were invited on board to inspect this "city-ship" of theirs. One thousand meters on all sides, it was a huge vessel, but appeared to be harmless. There was nothing inside that resembled weapons or any kind of technology whatsoever, and they could not offer any explanation for their origins, stating plainly, _"We have always been."_ The alien beings seemed to have no particular shape, appearing only as amorphous balls of light. As they had no name, the Cheelisians dubbed them "Triangulons", because of their pyramid-shaped city, a name the strangers adopted happily. They were allowed to settle on one of the outlying planets. Due to the warmth emanating from the nebula, all the planets in the Cheel system were heated equally to some degree, and there was abundant life on each. They were sure the Triangulons could live easily on the planet they had selected, and they visited each other often in those early days. Things began to unravel rapidly, however. In the next decade, the Triangulons' population grew, and soon there was another pyramid alongside the first. It was to be expected, but the Cheelisii became concerned, because the wanderers had said their stay would be temporary. They began to keep closer tabs on their visitors, and were relieved to find the Triangulons packing up one day, and leaving their territory. _"We are wanderers, after all,"_ they said, _"and need to keep moving."_

They said their farewells, and headed off into the heart of the nebula. The Cheelisians questioned their decision. Inside the cloud of roiling gas was a world filled with strange, unknown anomalies that defied the laws of their physics, and massive amounts of deadly radiation. But they were energy beings, and likely immune to the effects of the radiation. Their former hosts sighed, wished them well, and left them to their fate. No more was heard from them for five hundred years, until finally, one day, . . . they returned.

A thousand pyramids, gleaming like golden sequins against a backdrop of black velvet, appeared. An alarm went up on the Cheelisii home world, and a thousand of their own, flew out to meet them. It was a false alarm. _"Please forgive us, old friends,"_ said the Triangulon leader, _"you are the only biologics that we have ever encountered, and we are unfamiliar with all of your customs."_ They had assumed the shape of their former hosts, finding it more suitable to getting around in the physical world than their previous energy form. _"We are here to retrieve some of our people who were left on the planet you so graciously allowed us to use all those many years ago."_ The Cheelisii leaders were greatly relieved, but just as confused. _ "Where did you leave them?"_ they asked. _"Where we first landed, we bored a shaft four hundred kilometers straight down, towards the center of the planet, and placed the disruptive elements of our society into them."_ The Cheelisii were shocked. _"You mean the 'criminals' of your species?"_ The Triangulons nodded, _"The gravity and great depth there would hold them immobile without harming them. We are energy beings, after all, and are not affected by such physical forces. The time for their release is at hand. Perhaps they have learned to behave by now."_ The Cheelisian forces stood down, and began to return to their bases. _"Since this is an internal matter, we shall let you handle it yourselves."_ they said.

The Triangulons set about to remove the enormous supra-magnetic plugs that were placed every twenty kilometers. At three hundred kilometers they found the plug missing, melted away, and were staring at the point of an absolutely huge energy weapon. It fired immediately, obliterating the shaft and the pyramid overhead. Three more blasts in succession enlarged the pit even wider, and from the depths, a monster began to emerge. The ground at the surface heaved upwards as an immense pyramid forced its way through the rocks.

It was the beginning of the end for the Cheelisii, who, in their isolated corner of the galaxy, had never faced such a foe. Five gigantic pyramids came out of that pit, quickly destroying the smaller ships of their peaceful brethren, before turning their attention to the Cheelisii fleet, only now returning to do battle. A single day of fighting revealed just how sorely unprepared they were. The five pyramids turned towards the home planet, Cheel, and meeting only token resistance, scorched the surface with waves of energy from six hundred kilometers out. Thirty billion of their people died before the sun set.

On the second day, the Triangulons abruptly ceased firing, went into higher orbit, and appeared to be recharging their power stores by facing their collector arrays in the direction of the nebula. The Cheelisians took this as a good time to gather their survivors, and leave the planet before the final assault. Three large carriers were all that was left of their once glorious space force, but they could only hold ten thousand people each. Just thirty thousand could be taken, mostly children and young adults. A few doctors, scientists and engineers would also be necessary if they were to reestablish their species elsewhere. It was a heart breaking choice as to who would stay, and who would go. Many were left with no choice at all, time being of the essence, and they watched in somber silence as the three carriers lifted off, with the hopes of their civilization.

Evidently, the Triangulon misfits had discovered an energy source deep within the planet that held them captive, and over the five hundred years they were imprisoned, they began to plot their revenge, increasing their numbers, and building war machines unlike any their fellow energy beings could have conceived. The energy forms they originally arrived in, were also corrupted by being in close contact for so long with the rocks and minerals, and they had taken on crystalline, metallic bodies.

The Cheelisians took one last look back, as the pyramids resumed the incineration of their already charred planet, and pledged to return. That promise, however, would fall short.

**Make Haste**

_"You let him off too easy, PT!" _ Tak was shaking, and nearly in tears after the confrontation with her old rival.

"I-I had to! Just listening to his voice was driving me crazy! If we had stayed any longer, I-I would have dragged him on board to have sex!"

"Your Majesty is still in season, Nimbus," Qikli-2 interjected, "it affects the younger royals most during their initial season!"

_"Ewww! __ Sex__ with __Zim__?! . . . what's 'sex' anyway? Sounds disgusting!"_

"It's something bios do to reproduce. It involves the exchange of certain bodily fluids. Most female bio-forms have receptacles within their bodies, specifically designed to receive and retain the male's procreative fluids. These commingle with their female counterparts, until assimilation occurs!"

_"And how does the male deliver his . . . 'fluids'?"_

"Usually there is a fleshy, tubular appendage that is taken in . . ."

_**"Will you two knock it off already?! All this sex talk is driving me crazy!"**_

"Sorry your Majesty. Shall I administer a sedative for you?"

"Just enough to calm me down, and _not_ knock me out! And locate Dib for me as soon as we return!"

**Refit**

Even without the main thruster, the outboards performed beautifully, making the return trip to Mars in less time than it took to track down Zim. Kali and Qikli-1 met them above ground, and directed them to land on the elevators. Brilliance was to be taken below surface for a refit, and a spare main thruster was being readied for replacement.

The Brilliance was not a small ship, but deep within the tunnels were giants, even bigger warships, with bigger engines. These were dubbed "Umraksha-class" by Kali, named for the mythical fire serpent who lived in the center of the Irken sun. Its tossing and turnings were responsible for immense solar prominences, which sent millions of tons of ionized gases flying into space. It was said that one day it would emerge from their sun and destroy Irk in a cycle of cosmic renewal.

These behemoths were so huge that they could not be launched through the cylinders, and would need a crew of two thousand bios to operate, or at least five hundred of the mechs. They would have to be taken up on the elevators, but there were not enough of the automatons to operate them, so they would be left behind.

A final inventory of the Martian Armada revealed 1.5 million warships of various sizes. Because of a lack of man-power, only about a tenth of them would be used in the attack on the Empire. This did not bother Kali, who had faced similar odds against foes like the Humongul Horde, that brought ten million ships to battle on the doorsteps of Irk, only to have their mass wave attacks trumped by superior technology. They fled the system with a fraction of their fleet intact, and their former allies gleefully turned on them, destroying the remnants. The Terminuux Swarm brought an even larger number, in the trillions, though smaller in size, threatening to devour everything and anything that was green on Irk, including its people. It ended when Kali caught their leader in her hands, then bit his head off like a stick of jerky, and spat it out in front of his horrified minions. They left the sector, vowing never to return. That one act defined Kali, and made her an instant legend to the people of Irk. Her detractors scoffed and laughed at the deed behind her back, saying, _"She didn't swallow!"_

**Second time around**

Tak excused herself from the refit planning, as she could feel the sedative beginning to lose its effect, and Qikli informed her of the whereabouts of Dib.

"He's heading for the lower levels to help direct the removal of the replacement engine, your Highness, and arrange for the transfer up here. The shuttle elevators are down that corridor!"

"Thank you, Qikli." She shuffled off to the elevators clutching the sides of her waist as if trying to hold back some urge. Kali whistled and hummed an old Irken tune under her breath.

"I haven't heard that tune for many centuries, your Majesty. Is there some story behind it?"

"It's about a young Irken princess in her first season, rushing to meet up with her paramour!"

"Should I follow them, and set up a room like last time?"

"Where's the adventure in that! No, let them experience the full effects on their own!"

"I see. Very well, shall we continue going over the battle preparations, then?"

**Stat**

Tak caught up with Dib as he was about to enter an elevator. Qikli's sedative was starting to wear off. Soon the season would be upon her once more.

"Dib!" she called out, "Wait up a second!" If she was going to do this, she needed to apologize first. He bowed politely, avoiding eye contact as Kali had suggested.

"What can I do for you, Highness?" The girl scratched the back of her head nervously.

"Th-that's a nice uniform you have on. Y-you look good in it."

"Do I? Thank you! The Queen ordered it specially for me. It's supposed to be an old Irken engineer's uniform. I'm helping with the engine refit!" He continued avoiding eye contact, which made Tak uneasy.

"L-look, I wanted to apologize for the other day . . .!"

"Quite all right, Princess. I understand perfectly." he said still giving the appearance of disinterest to her presence, "I must say you pack quite a punch, though! No permanent damage, however! I guess I should be grateful!" He turned back to the elevator and pressed the button once more. "Will there be anything else, your Majesty? If not, please excuse me. They are expecting me, and I need to get my work done."

"You don't have to be so formal with me, Dib!" The elevator doors opened, but she stopped him from going in. "I won't feel right until I make it up to you!"

Dib smirked to himself. Queen Kali's advice seemed to be working better than he imagined. Soon, he thought, Tak would be begging him for sex.

"How about you and me going out for a date in the old observatory when this is all over?" He was about to find out how wrong he was. Qikli's sedative had all but worn off.

_**"Eyes up here, Earth Boy! Why aren't you looking me in the eye?!"**_ she snarled. The Earth boy's fear factor climbed a couple of notches as Tak grabbed him by the collar and got in his face. _**"ANSWER ME!"**_

"I . . . I . . . ai yi yi!"

**"It's cuz you're too busy staring at my 'boobs', isn't it?! Well, **_**'Master'**_** Dib, this is your lucky day, because I'm gonna be **_**your**_** 'Master' for the next hour, and you'll be my **_**bitch**_**!"** Dib swallowed hard, not knowing if he should be jumping for joy, or screaming for his life. Where was Nimbus when he needed her.

She was just beginning to tear off his brand new engineer's outfit when the elevator door suddenly opened, and out stepped a mech. It froze, surprised, for a few seconds.

"Your Majesty? Is everything all ri . . .?"

_**"What're you lookin' at?! Lock down that elevator! Cordon off this corridor and . . . and get me some pillows and blankets! Stat!"**_

"Right away, your Highness." Tak returned her attention to Dib with a hungry gleam in her eyes.

"Now then, 'Pinky', you may _touch_ my antennae!"

**Meanwhile, back on the refit floor . . .**

"Your Highness, the thruster has been delivered, but Master Dib is nowhere to be found."

"Don't worry . . . he'll show up eventually!" she smirked.

"Are you not concerned? Princess Tak has also gone missing!"

"They'll show up. Give them about an hour!"

"Oh . . . my . . ! You're being naughty again, Majesty!" Kali snickered.

"It's a tradition! My mother did it to me, and her mother did it to her! Did I ever tell you, Qikli, aboutmy_second_ time?"

"No, but I'm afraid you're going to tell me anyway!"

**Test fire**

The launch tunnels had been cleaned out and repaired, ready for test firings. One hundred destroyers had their collars rewrapped, and were lined up behind the launch tubes. Although they weighed many tons, the mag-lev tracks moved the ships with little difficulty. The collars would disintegrate when launched, leaving no trace of the firings, and when the tubes were lowered back down, there would be no target available to attack.

There were ten such cannons at forty meters in diameter, and two kilometers in length, and further in were launch tubes with three times the diameter, but with shorter muzzles to accommodate large carriers and full battle cruisers. Kali did not intend to use the carriers or small fighter ships. She had placed her faith in the bigger vessels, there not being enough mech-power to operate them all, and her intention was to drive a wedge into the Empire's armada, and destroy as many of their big ships as possible. The Cheelisians had a very large arsenal of torpedoes and missiles, each designed for specific purposes. Some were run of the mill, with explosive warheads, while others were very exotic with hyper-speed thrusters, meant to follow escaping ships into hyperspace, and destroying them there. Many were not so obvious: single and bi-pole quasi-graviton torpedoes whose purpose could not be determined without delving into the Cheelsii weapons manual. Particle beam cannons were the weapons of choice, although they were slower to power up and required a special type of energy to prime. On the larger ships, energy cannons and lasers were available, but not in great numbers. By Qikli's reasoning, it almost seemed that the Cheelisii had built their entire armada to fight one particular type of enemy.

**Reflecting time**

A brief respite from the excitement of the recent battle found Surj and Cobus doing minor repairs on Anjah's ship, mostly due to collisions with fist-sized pieces of ice in the accretion zone. They were nearing their target planet, and needed to be prepared for anything. What had started out as a simple retrieval was turning into a nightmare. It began on an ominous note with the ordered killing of their original commander, and the destruction of their stealth ship in the Triangulon Neutral Zone. Things began to look up with the pilfering of a pyramid, only to find it unsuitable for hyperspace travel. A confrontation with the Resisty brought Anjah to them, but a battle with space pirates and their shocking allies, forced them to split up, and fend for themselves. Surj was nearly incinerated by a close encounter with the blast muzzle from a plasma cannon, and Cobus had found herself surrounded by Canoid pirates. Somehow they managed to survive. Lokar leaned back into his chair, shutting his eyes for a moments rest. He wondered if he made the right decision to continue the mission. All for honor, . . . and a drop of blood.

Anjah had just received a communication from the Resisty regarding the crisis back in Irken space, and the upcoming scourging of the training facility at Hobo-13.

_"Commander Nar, do we now have a clearer picture of this invasion of Triangulos?"_

_"I'm sorry, Anjah, but our spies now say that most of the Triangulon fleet seems to have vanished! They have no explanation for their unexpected disappearance, and the Armada is already beginning to deploy. Only a handful of the pyramids are still patrolling their borders. Unless they suddenly acquired light speed technology, we can't even begin to speculate where they are!"_ Anjah crossed her arms, and seemed to be deep in thought. It was hard to tell, given her shadow suit was as black as the coat she wore.

_"That's very odd . . ."_ Lokar entered into the conversation.

"The mech pilot said the pyramids were not built to travel FTL speeds, and that they could not enter hyperspace without being drained of energy! Maybe if you were to question the droid, you could get a little more information!" Lard Nar rose up from his chair in surprise.

_"You're Irken! Should we really be telling you all this? Where do __your__ loyalties lie?"_ Lokar smiled with amusement.

"Don't look so shocked. We're Guild mercenaries. Our loyalties usually lie with the highest bidder, but we are willing to support you in this cause."

_"Very well then,"_ the Vortian sat back down,_ ". . . we did try to access the droid's data banks, but his power source is entirely different from ours, and when we hooked him up to our computers, it shorted out our power grid! Whatever information he had must have gone down with him."_

"We had disabled him temporarily when we took over his ship, but from the looks of it, a power surge was the reason he shut down. The droid has a reset button under the plate in the back of its head. His power cells are charged by what we understand to be an energy absorbing crystal. When you tried to connect him to your power source, the crystals likely sucked in enough power to reenergize itself, then fed the excess back into your grid."

_"Thus shorting out our equipment, I see now! We did notice those strange crystals in the storage bays, but have not had a chance to examine them closer!"_

"He may just be offline until you reboot him. From what we've been told, the crystals are solidified pieces of hyperspace. How that is possible, we leave for you to discover, but it may hold the key to where the Triangulons vanished."

_"Excellent idea! We will do just that!"_

_"And what of the destruction of the Hobo system and the Guild? Is there any news regarding that?"_ Anjah asked.

_"I'm afraid the Guild's small fleet of ships was not sufficient to evacuate the entire training platform or the planetary bases. The remaining Guild members are hunkering down for a protracted land war. They swear they won't go down without a fight, but I fear it is hopeless. The Empire forces are simply too powerful to overcome. I hear two thousand mega-doomers are being loaded onto carriers as we speak. It will be a bloodbath!"_ The assassins' leader interrupted once more.

"Our friends and comrades may still be on the base. Didn't you say your people have more ships? When we first encountered your resistance, you claimed to have many more, . . . or was that just a bluff?"

_"Well, yes, it was a bluff. We wanted desperately to get ahold of your pyramid ship, but in truth, we have less than fifty vessels. In the past, the Guild, on orders from the Tallest, have sent mercenaries after us. They had taken quite a few of our numbers until Anjah joined our ranks and . . ."_

_"Commander,"_ the dark one interrupted, _"now is the time to set aside our differences. The Guild is a relatively small force compared to the Empire. Remember, 'the enemy of my enemy is my friend'."_ Nar turned to confer with his lieutenants, and they all nodded silently.

_"You are right as usual, Anjah. You would make a much more capable leader than I. We will talk about it when you return, but for now the Resisty will offer help to the Guild."_

_"We are nearing our destination, and must see to its completion. I will return as soon as we are done. Tob Zahs is the current leader of the Guild's High Council, and it was I who spared his life that day I killed off the old Council. Remind him to cooperate. I don't think he has much choice."_

_ "We will. And what about you four? Do you need any assistance?"_

_ "There is something very strange going on out here. We were attacked by pirates, and there are Empire warning buoys everywhere. Three Irken sentinels and a squadron of Voot cruisers came out of hyperspace, and we had to destroy them. Do you have any idea of what's going on in this sector?"_

_"None whatsoever, Anjah, but I will have our operatives inquire around for you."_

_ "Thank you, Commander Nar. Please keep me informed as soon as you find out anything."_

**Homeless**

The blue water world came into sight once more. Tak wasn't lying after all, and now Zim was torn between running away to find another planet, or sneaking back into his old base. Night covered his return, but something was wrong. None of his passwords seemed to be working, and Gir was not responding to any of his prompts. Zim stroked his chin, pondering his next move. He coasted by his former command center, the front door was wide open, and the lawn gnomes were all destroyed. _"What the . . .?!"_

Zim landed the shuttle in a nearby wooded area, and slinked through the side alleys, tripping over a sleeping hobo, and disturbing some cats tearing up trash bags. He made it to the front yard only to notice his lawn gnomes still sparking, their heads deformed by impact with some blunt object. _"Hmmm, this was done quite recently. What emotionless monster could have done this to my beautiful gnomes?"_ *Clonk* Half of a baseball bat went sailing over his head, and he looked up at the sky. _"My, the stars look so close tonight!"_ he thought just before he slammed face first into the lawn.

"Dammit, Zim! You broke my favorite bat with your stupid head!" said the squinty eyed 'monster.' "Grab his legs, Gir, and help me drag his sorry butt into the house!"

"Yes, favorite new master! Welcome back home, former master!"

**End Chapter 18**

**A/N: _"The enemy of my enemy . . ."_ is a phrase attributed to Sun Tzu in his book, The Art of War but many similar, and earlier sayings, abound.**


	19. Chapter 19 Foundling

**I do not own any of the characters from Invader Zim!**

**A/N: Assassin's duel.**

**Tak and the Martian Armada**

**Chapter 19: Foundling**

**An hour later . . .**

Dib woke up, his mind still reeling over what he thought was some erotic dream. He was still in the elevator, lying on pile of blankets, his shredded uniform thrown in a heap in the corner. At his side lay the Irken girl, still snuggled up against him, her soft breathing assured him this was not at all a dream. There was a scent about her, unlike their first time together. It was a delicious aroma, reminding him of a scent Kali exuded when they were together, intoxicating, making him forget where he was, and heightening his sexual arousal. He kissed her gently on the forehead, noticing a patch of fine, lacy designs that had appeared since their first encounter. According to Queen Kali, the marks would become darker whenever Tak was in the "mood," and would signal a time to get out of her way, or get in her bed. Or in this case, wherever she was at the time!

Tak began to stir, stretching her lithe body out from beneath the blanket, exposing one emerald nipple, then another. He reached over to cover her, then stopped. She had the Irken equivalent of human freckles across her lime-green chest, and he smiled because her breasts now reminded him of a couple of halved Bartlett pears, smooth, firm, and speckled. The teen shifted slightly, and his arm barely brushed up against her antennae, whereupon a low, throaty growl issued from Tak. _"Oh no . . . not again!"_ he cringed, then braced himself for another pummeling. To his utter surprise, she did nothing but hold him tighter, and her antennae caressed him gently around the face, as if making sure he was still there, and hadn't run away. Satisfied, she smacked her lips, and cuddled up to him once more. Dib sighed his relief, and was about to lay back down again, when the drumming of metallic fingers on the elevator door made him look up. His appointed bodyguard and Tak's alter-ego, Nimbus, stood watching over them.

"So this is where the two of you were hiding! Did you forget I'm supposed to train you in star navigation today, Earth boy?" She kicked Tak on the bottom of her feet to get her up. "Rise and shine, your royal laziness! Queen Kali and Qikli are expecting you in the planning room in an hour!" The Irken girl covered her head with a blanket.

"Go away! I'm not here!"

"You were having 'sex', weren't you?" the avatar snickered.

"So what? I'm in season, and I can't help myself!"

"I'm going to access the video logs for this elevator! I want to see for myself what this 'sex' thing is all about!"

"No! I forbid it!"

"Spoilsport!"

"You're a _mech_! Why would you want to, anyway?"

"Morbid curiosity! I'll weasel it out of Dib when I get him alone in space!" Tak smirked at Dib.

"Good luck with this one!" she said, and covered herself once more. Something creepy crawly went up her back, and she straightened up. A lone quetz plant, separated from its main colony, had been attracted to the warmth of the two lovers bodies. Tak screeched as she picked up one of her boots, and proceeded to slam it several times with little effect. Dib chuckled, and picked the little seedling up in his hand.

"That's useless, you know! Queen Kali says these things are damn near indestructible!" He let it crawl across his body, where it settled on his neck, close to his hairline. Tak's initial fright gave way to curiosity, then fascination. A creepy crawly mat of them freaked her out, but a single one was tolerable. "They're harmless. I know they look strange, but they're plants, and kinda cute. I think they'd make great pets!" The Irken girl was already having an idea.

**Lifeless**

The mercenary's ship swung out past the orbit of Jupiter, and would soon be in sight of their target planet. Ahead lay a broad plane of asteroids, small boulders, and dust, leftovers from the formation of the star system, four and a half billion years ago. On one edge was the gas giant, Jupiter, on the opposite edge was Mars. Between them lay the asteroid belt, too close to the immense gravitational pull of Jupiter to realize its potential as another planet. The gravity of Mars was strong enough to engage in a tug-of-war with its huge neighbor, and kept the asteroids from accreting into a planet of its own. Anjah switched on a force-field, and a holo-cloak, as Cobus slowed the ship to cruising speed.

"There appears to be an abnormally high energy reading for such a lifeless looking planet," said the Xanite, "we should do a reconnaissance fly-by before we try to land."

"Unusually high . . ." Lokar concurred, "Take us down to 100 klicks, and maintain that orbit until we locate the source of this energy." Anjah placed her hands on Lokar's captain's chair, checking the metrics of the gauges.

_"Looks like your little Irken girl is far more resourceful than expected. This mission of yours should prove very interesting."_

**Treachery Retold**

After a brief planning session, the two royals were served a blend of Cheelisian tea that Kali had become accustomed to. Tak clutched her mug in front of her, nervously. Brilliance was nearing completion, and Kali was to take control of her. It was only fitting, but Tak had other things on her mind. She wanted command of her own flagship, and one of the remaining Rakshas would be fine if only she could muster up a crew of her own. A minimum of twenty robots plus Nimbus, and maybe even Dib could be part of her crew. And, Kali willing, Qikli avatars #2 through #10 might be added. #11 and #12 should remain on the Brilliance for emergency purposes.

The Umraksha was an imposing vessel, at least twice the length of the Queen's warship, and just looking at it made Tak shiver with anticipation. She had plans for it, but wanted permission from the Queen first. Tak decided to bide her time before asking, and the conversation turned to the ambush long ago that stranded the Brilliance and her crew.

"Qikli, do you have a running account of the ambush from the time of the first encounter?" the Irken princess asked.

"Certainly. We were beginning the last leg of our return trip to Irk, and was approaching the largest gas planet of this star system. It's electro-magnetic field was giving us all kinds of static, and radiation, so we moved off several thousand kilometers to take readings and vids. Our sensors picked up two ships in our vicinity, and we immediately went to alert status two. They were identified as an Irken surveyor ship and it's escort. The surveyor claimed to have gotten too close to the planet's radiation zone, and had burned out some gravity coils and communications equipment. They requested assistance, and we offered to tow them out of harm's way using our tractor beams. When we asked them what Province they were from and what they were doing here, the surveyor unexpectedly launched a novenium-fusion torpedo directly into our main thruster, completely destroying it. They were too close to us, and there was no way we could have avoided the torpedo. We were forced to jettison much of our anti-matter reserves, or risk annihilation. The two ships were quickly destroyed by our escort group, but several large carriers appeared from behind an ice moon, and a thousand of their fighters came out to engage our escorts. Brilliance was forced to retreat, as we were in danger from internal explosions and fire. One of their destroyers pulled up alongside, and ordered us to surrender. We latched onto them with the tractors, and opened fire with our quads at point blank. They were blown into elementary dust particles."

"They had underestimated the reach of our tractor beams, and the others thereafter remained at least five kilometers away. Our escorts covered our escape while we made it back to this planet. We found a likely spot in the cliff face for what we had planned, and launched our entire complement of torpedoes and missiles into the side of the canyon wall, excavating the hole you found us in. We used the quads to clean out enough rock so the ship could wedge itself in, then we waited for what we thought would be our final battle."

"We were running low on anti-matter, which powered the pulse cannons, and the generators for the ship. If the battle had gone on another hour or two, we might all have been destroyed. By then our escort group had been all taken out, and the ambushers began to come after us. Their two remaining destroyers came down into the canyon, and stationed themselves just beyond what they thought was the maxium limit of our tractors. They found out too late how wrong they were."

"The quads are undeniably efficient when it came to destruction. Unlike energy beams, the pulse cannons don't rely on heat to destroy a target. Instead, they disrupt the spin of the electrons in an atom, causing it to fly apart. It didn't take more than a minute before the two ships were a molten mound of slag on the bottom of the canyon. Small fighters continued to pound and harass us, but their smaller weapons had little effect. They could, however, still maneuver their way within the tractors. One of them clipped a beam, and crashed into the hull near where Queen Kali sat. She was severely injured, and in the ensuing confusion, several of the enemy ships landed, and tried to break through the blast doors. They were repelled by Haze and a dozen other mechs. Our sensors indicated those were the last of their fighters, and shortly thereafter, the carriers began to leave, having accomplished the major part of their mission. We thought they might return to finish us, but apparently they were satisfied to know we were crippled, and unable to reverse out of our encasement."

"From the uniforms of the dead Irkens, and aerial footage of the fighters, we determined them to be from Mountain and River Provinces. The internal ship fires were contained while I worked on stabilizing the Queen's condition. We immediately sent out a distress call to Irk, and a general distress call for any ship within half a parsec, but all we received in return for our effort was static. This was a well planned ambush, and I blame myself for not having the foresight to predict such a possibility." Qikli clasped her hands in front of herself, and lowered her head. "My Queen was dying, and with the medical equipment we had available on board, there was nothing more I could do to save her." The Queen stepped to the avatar's side.

"Qikli, my dear companion," said Kali, "have you been harboring this blame inside of you for all these years?"

"Yes, your Majesty. As the one charged with ensuring your safety, I should have paid more attention to the political climate on Irk at the time."

"Then I order you to purge your regrets. It is not a healthy thing to carry around, even for a mech."

"I understand, my Queen. I will see to it."

Tak seemed in deep thought, fascinated yet perplexed. Kali put her arm over the girl's shoulder. "Do you have another question for Qikli, Princess?"

"No, but perhaps one for you, your Majesty!"

"What is it?"

"Mountain and River Provinces must have had royal families, also. Did the royals ever do battle directly with one another?" Kali folded her arms, and looked thoughtfully at Tak.

"There were times when families fought, but they were very rare. In those cases any royal with a grievance could lead an army into war, or claim right to individual combat. We usually fought to the death, but a fight between royals was highly ritualized to prevent more harm than was necessary. In extreme cases, entire families might get involved, trying to extinguish each others houses. Such a fight would end one house's rule, and all their males would be rounded up, and used to bring about a new generation. Irk was, during my time, a matriarchal society, run by females. It would not do to leave a country without a royal family, so a daughter would be chosen from the victorious clan to become the new queen for that province. This often led to more harmonious relations between provinces for generations, as the successor queen would likely have sisters in the victorious province. The peace might be kept until a death or assassination disrupted the calm."

"You could end up killing some of your sisters in that case?"

"A jealous, angry, or ambitious sister might do that, yes. That is why we were taught so many different martial arts when we were young. The possibility was always there that we might end up fighting a sister, a cousin, or even an aunt." Kali gave Tak a knowing look. "There is something else on your mind, child. You can tell me."

"It's about going to war. Perhaps we could try to avoid killing too many of our fellow Irkens if we . . ."

"Your conscience is showing. I understand where you are coming from, Princess, but I come from a time where killing other Irkens was the norm. When I was your age, the Provinces were constantly at war, and when I became Queen of Irk, I sought to change all that. If we battle this armada of the Tallest, we will be heavily outnumbered, and I seriously doubt they will cut us any slack. As a future queen, please tell me if you have a plan in mind."

"Let me take command of one of the Rakshas! I have an idea for a weapon that would incapacitate much of the Armada without killing too many of the pilots! I-I just need your approval to proceed!"

"Ahhh, good! You _should_ have a flagship of your own! The Crest of Ocean Province emblazoned on its sides! I was waiting for you to assert yourself!"

"You . . . you mean, it's okay?"

"Certainly! You and I will fight side-by-side against overwhelming odds! What is the loss of a couple of destroyers? The main thing is to go down fighting!"

". . . I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not, your Majesty . . ."

"Two destroyers are not going to make much of a difference, dear Princess. If we are to succeed, careful planning, not sheer numbers, must be considered. Qikli tells me the Armada is going to war against another foe, and we will take a wait and see position as to what will happen after."

"I see. My idea will only work against the Irkens."

"Don't seem so discouraged, little one. The Umraksha's weapons system is considerable, full of features we are unaware of. Since we had not planned on using them, we did not bother to find out what they were capable of. What is this idea you have?"

"The Rakshas main weapons are its missiles: ten thousand multi-warhead armor piercing sabot missiles. Most Irkens are still deathly afraid of quetz, and I have the mechs replacing the explosive charges with the harmless, but near indestructible quetz plants!" Kali let out a hearty laugh.

"Aha ha ha ha ha! You are _truly_ a clever young lady!"

**Planet Fall**

Red's hired killers began a search for an energy source from the planet below, holo-cloaked, while matching the orbital period of the larger of two stony satellites. Anjah stood behind Cobus, who was piloting her ship. The planet seemed to be alive with energy, as unbeknownst to them, ten thousand warships were being powered up below the surface. They had yet to determine a single primary source for all the energy.

"Can we get down any closer?" Lokar asked.

"There is definitely activity going on down there," said Surj, "I would prefer a landing as soon as possible . . . we're being tracked."

"Our holo-cloak scatters the ship's image, making it appear as a jumble of space debris," warned Cobus, ". . . if we get any closer without finding the primary energy source, we may be discovered."

_"I'm not reading any bio-signs"_ Anjah said,_ "Your target must be below the surface, and everything down there must be automated, either by mechs, or computer controlled."_

"Find a hot-spot, Surj, and I'll find a suitable landing site close by."

Surj checked his scanners, "I have an opening located, which is leaking heat radiation. Looks to be a cave entrance of some kind. Approximately forty meters diameter, nearly circular. Must be artificial. I'm feeding you the coordinates now!"

Cobus set the ship down in the shadow of a small crater, and the three agents donned space suits. Anjah's nega-suit served double duty, having a built-in force field, with atmospheric re-breather. Her suit would otherwise be ineffective bottled up inside an exo-suit.

The "cave" that Surj had seen in the fly-by, was without doubt, of an alien technology. By the readings they had made, it was roughly three kilometers deep, and so they turned on their anti-gravity gear, and jumped in. It was a faster descent than repelling, and much more silent.

Lokar began a scan for life-forms, based on Irken signatures, and found one almost directly below them. "Looks like we got lucky, people! Twenty minutes to get our blood sample, then we're out of here!" Cobus looked around as the team dropped further and further into tube.

"Speaking of 'here', what is this thing we're going through? It's gigantic!"

"It's a launch cylinder." replied Lokar

"What does it launch?"

"Something very large, evidently. Too big for a missile launcher. It may be a catapult assist device of some kind."

"_For a spaceship?!_ The walls have been scoured fairly recently! Maybe it's been test fired!"

"Maybe. I don't know, but I wouldn't want to be caught in here when there's another launch. There's no place to hide in here!"

_"Stay alert. We're almost at the bottom, and there are signs of mag-lev technology. Our anti-grav equipment might be compromised."_

As Anjah had predicted, the mag-lev did affect their gravity nullifiers, but not in the way she had expected. Instead of increasing their speed, they were slowed to the point where they bounced around ten meters above the bottom, the magnets affecting the metal the assassins carried with them. Their equipment had to be shed if they were to touch bottom, but it was still a considerable drop to the floor. Instead, they linked arms, and Anjah swung the rest of them towards the sides of the launch tube where they quickly found ladder rungs.

Time was a big factor in the success or failure of a mission and was often measured in seconds. On a "normal" operation, bouncing around like that would cost them precious time. Only a single life-form had been detected, but there was a lot of movement everywhere which was assumed to be in the form of mechanicals. Anjah began to pick-up another life-form but it was four hundred meters away, and not moving. If this was the replacement assassin they were expecting, Lokar's group would have to move quickly. More than likely this killer was scanning them also. If their target was directly below them as they first thought, it would be a simple matter of grabbing Tak, and taking her with them to avoid a confrontation. If this was the replacement killer below them, it would be more expedient to kill or disable him or her as soon as possible. They didn't want to attract too much attention from the robots.

Once they entered the tunnel system, Lokar and Surj kept a wary eye open for vid recorders and sensors. They found none in the streets of what they perceived to be a mostly abandoned city, but there was still a bio reading coming from one of the huge warships, and the mercenaries moved quietly among the shadows to find Tak. Once they boarded the ship, they would have to be extra careful. Most warships had every manner of recorders and vibration sensors conceivable. It was a necessary security and safety measure on any warship. Lokar missed a floor sensor, and that translated into a signal to the main computer on the Brilliance.

**Unmasked**

The Brilliance was now ready to take to the stars once more, its new thruster fitted, and a fresh layer of heat resilient tile was being applied in an alternating, striped pattern, designed to confuse an enemy. She was no longer gleaming white as she was when Kali took her exploring the galaxy. Brilliance was being prepped for war, her new stripes made that much clear, and was no longer the shining ambassador of Irk she once was. Now she was a fully dedicated warship. New missiles and torpedoes were locked into place, and a powerful force-field grid of Cheelisian design had been taken from the dismantled Umraksha, and installed.

Queen Kali was modeling one of her royal war armor in front of the avatar. "Do you remember my old battle suit, Qikli?" Kali chortled, "I got this off the Brilliance from my old quarters. Forgot that I brought it on board! Still fits nicely even though I haven't worn it for two thousand years!"

"Yes, yes, of course your Highness . . . but it looks a little 'snug' on your back side!"

"Nonsense. Your visuals need adjusting!"

"I have two words to describe it, . . . 'fat' . . . 'ass'!"

"You're just jealous!"

"Well, you programmed me to be truthful, and not to pull any punches! What have you been doing all these years to get so out of shape!"

"I'll have you know, I have my _own_ personal gym, made to my demanding specs, and I work out every day! What makes you think I have a 'big butt' anyway?"

"In the past two thousand years, your hips have increased by half a centimeter!"

"That's actually pretty good for a bio-form! Just because you measure your metal expansion with a micrometer doesn't mean _you_ don't get any bigger!"

"Heh heh! Now who's jealous! Don't worry, your Majesty, you still look _'sexy'_ in armor!" Kali smiled.

"I'm glad you think so. This suit is specifically tailored for my needs! It's split up the sides for more freedom of movement, in case I have to use . . ."

Suddenly Qikli's eyes began flashing red."Your Majesty! We have intruders detected on one of the Umrakshas!" A look of concern flashed across Kali's face.

"Could it be those killer's we've been expecting? Where is the princess?"

"Princess Tak went to inspect the remaining Umrakshas, thinking it was a shame to leave them here. She thinks they were built with a specific purpose in mind!"

"We must locate her as soon as possible! Why isn't Master Dib and Nimbus with her?"

"Nimbus is training him to be a pilot-navigator. They are both on one of the split-tails, orbiting the ringed planet!"

"Contact her, and the guardians! I'm going to meet the assassins myself! We're the closest, and Tak may be in immediate danger!"

"B-but I should go with you! I don't want to lose you again!"

"No! Stay put and send the automatons as soon as they arrive!" Kali placed her helmet on, "I'll be fine!" and rushed off to rescue the Irken girl.

**The Black Suits**

Tak found herself alone on the huge ship. The robots had done an excellent job cleaning her up, then left to work on some of the smaller warships. It was well lit, and quiet. She had a plan for this one. Kali would take the Brilliance, while she and Nimbus would pilot the Umraksha that she had already christened "Fang." There were ten thousand multi-warhead missiles on board with armor piercing capabilities. These were to be hollowed out, and refilled with something less explosive, but no less frightening, to an Irken. The warheads had been sent off to the munitions floor for repurposing, and the missile storage bays would be empty till then.

She was headed off to the munition floor, when a figure in black stepped in front of her. A black suit. On Hobo 13, they would often be seen, especially around Guild headquarters, silently leaving and entering. Assassins, the ones she had been expecting.

_ "Hello, luv."_ said the Xanite. Tak backed away slowly, then turned to run, only to find another black suit, Surj this time, blocking her way.

"You won't take me so easy, assassin!"

"Calm down, my dear, we only need a bit of your, . . . blood!" he snickered.

Tak was not in the listening mood, taking a round house kick at Cobus, who quickly bent over backwards, barely avoiding it. Lokar, standing too close by, was not so fortunate, and took it on the chin.

Anjah stood off to the side, watching as the three assassins soon found themselves contending with a demon in Tak. She was not an official part of this mission, and would help only if needed. This Irken girl was giving them all kinds of hell, even though the mercenaries were experienced fighters and killers. Anjah admired the speed and fluidity of her movements. The female was quite good at what she was trained at, and was slippery as an eel. The others were trying their best not to harm her, only needing a little blood to complete, at least to their satisfaction, their voided mission. They were running short of patience, though, and Cobus loaded a tranquilizer round into Surj's pneumatic dart gun. Lokar managed to grab hold of Tak's arm for a split second before she landed a hard, straight right cross directly on his jaw. His legs buckled, and he fell backwards, hitting his head smack on the floor. Anjah helped him back up, as he looked a bit whoozy after that second hit. _"Unlucky little devil, aren't you?"_ she snickered.

The Irken girl was fighting out of desperation, not realizing that the squad no longer intended to kill or capture her. She swept the Xanatian off her feet, and leapt at Surj just as he fired his dart gun. She still managed to plant her boot in his gut before the feelings in her legs began to leave her. Tak slumped to the floor, still conscious, but unable to move or speak. Anjah stood her back up, and braced her against herself.

_"Don't worry, child, we are not here to hurt you."_ she reassured the Irken girl.

_"My god!"_ Cobus declared angrily, "I really wasn't expecting _that_ much of a fight from her! Maybe we took her a bit _too_ lightly!" She pulled Surj up to his feet as he gasped for breath, and removed the dart from Tak's arm as the dazed girl fought to clear her head.

"That should do it, Lokar. We have drawn a drop of her blood, and that should satisfy our oath to you, as our mission leader."

"I'm surprised," he said, still rubbing his jaw, "at how tough she really was! Tallest Red said she was a skilled fighter, and I think if she had a weapon in her hand, I might not be alive talking right now!"

"You took two hits right on the chin! I'm surprised you're talking now!"

Anjah noticed a strange thing about Tak's hand, and reached over to take her by the wrist.

_"Wait. There is something unusual about this girl. She is no ordinary Irken, is she!"_

"What makes you say that?" Lokar asked.

_"She has __four__ fingers!"_

The doors to the projectile bay began to slide open slowly, ominously, and the mercenaries immediately turned to face a new threat. Kali, dressed in her battle armor, stood at the entrance with her hands on her blades. She surveyed the scene, while running her fingertips over the pommels of her daggers. The assassins reacted cautiously, and began to spread out. Anjah released Tak, and handed her over to Lokar, her martial instincts putting her on high alert at the appearance of this stranger, the second bio-sign they had detected on the elevator. Was this the replacement killer they had been expecting? She stepped away from her companions, and walked towards the center of the floor. As an experienced martial arts practitioner, she would not rush into this fight, and eyed her opponent warily. Here was a killer, at least her equal.

The Queen raised her face to the air, and took in a deep breath. _"Ahhh. So delightful . . ."_ She pointed a finger at Lokar, "Take care of that girl, . . . she belongs to _me!_" In the few seconds Kali was distracted, Anjah considered closing the gap, but decided against it. There was too much at risk, and they had already accomplished their goal.

She took a step back, but in that split second of hesitation, Kali struck like lightning. Anjah saw a boot coming, as if in slow motion. She caught it in her hands, but could do little to slow its speed. It impacted like a heavy sledge hammer against her chest, and she rolled with the kick as best she could. She tumbled across the floor, hitting the wall on the far side, and spat blood as she got up to her knees.

Her teammates stood by stunned, hardly believing that this storied assassin had been struck so brutally, and with such ease and grace. Cobus and Surj stepped between the two, ready to defend their fallen comrade. Surj whipped a blaster into his palm, while Cobus quickly pulled out both her crystal daggers.

Anjah staggered to her feet, more shocked than hurt, and waved them off. _**"Stay back, . . . this fight is mine! . . . I call for an assassin's duel!"**_ she said, wiping the blood from her mouth. Surj and Cobus immediately backed off, putting their weapons away. An assassin's duel meant no outside interference, a code of the Guild, and Kali understood the implications immediately.

They both moved off to one side, as Anjah stood up and walked back to confront the stranger once more. They began to circle one another, looking for an opening, or any sign of weakness, and the dark one began a distracting banter.

_"That was a very good hit indeed. I must compliment you."_ Kali scoffed.

"You should have attacked me the first time, but you hesitated. I'll let you catch your breath before we continue. Frankly, I'm surprised you are able to stand up so soon. That kick was meant to cave in your ribs, and crush your heart against your spine," she smirked, ". . . I must be losing my touch!"

Anjah ignored the jab, and kept talking, never for a second taking an eye off the Queen. _"A female, are you? They say the female of all species are most vicious when defending their . . . 'young'. I must confess you did catch me by surprise, but it won't happen again. I've not been struck so hard, and so easily since my master did it to me, many years ago, when I was still but a student. But then, she was already an expert many times over, while I was a mere novice."_

"Ha ha ha! You are still a novice! Your _'master'_ did not teach you very well, did she!" The insult seemed to inflame the already smarting Anjah, and she retorted back angrily.

_**"Do not speak ill of her! She **__**died**__** defending me from the insurrection! I will **__**kill**__** you for that slight!"**_ The Queen had struck a nerve, and smiled.

"That is the reason why we are all here, no? Do you not feel your heart racing a little faster, . . . _girl_?" She took out one of her many blades, laid it on the floor, and slid it over to the shadow warrior. "Pick it up, and come at me, . . . if you are serious. I would hate having to kill an unarmed opponent."

Anjah tore off her coat, revealing the nega-suit she wore. She kicked the dagger away, infuriated, and curled her fingers into threatening claws. _**"I **__**need**__** no weapon! I'll rip your throat out with my **__**bare hands**__**!"**_ Instantly her suit created an artificial darkness within the bay, and she vanished into the swirling mist.

Kali was not impressed, and even less concerned, as her second pair of eyes opened to confront the dark. _"Resorting to 'dark light' trickery?"_ she smiled smugly, "It will do you no good, . . . I _know_ where you are, and can _smell_ you, . . . _your Highness_!" As quickly as the light had vanished, it returned, the dark miasma being sucked up by a vortex from within the assassin's gloves. Anjah reappeared once more, taking up a defensive stance.

_"You dare mock me?! . . . What do __you__ know?!"_ she hissed.

Kali laughed once more, and began to twirl round and around, in a long unseen, executioner's ritual. She threw off her shoulder cape, but kept her helmet on, concealing her eyes.

"_I know enough!_ Come closer, _devika_, and I will end this quickly!" She beckoned with her hand, "This is the _jah_, my dance of death, . . . and when I stop, _all_ of you will _die_! Tell me, _mahari_, . . . your master, . . . _**did she look like, . . . **__**THIS?!**_" Kali crossed her blades, and lifted her arms high above her head. And as she did, two more arms slowly emerged from below them. Anjah retreated several steps back.

_**"YOU ARE SPEAKING IN THE **__**OLD TONGUE**__**!"**_ she screamed, _**"WHO**__** ARE **__**YOU?!"**_ Kali ceased her taunting, and her voice assumed a deadly, serious tone.

"Long ago, a traitorous ambush nearly killed me, and left me _marooned_ on this planet! _**I**__** am**__** Kali Natara of Black Province, and **__**I**__** am **__**THE LAST QUEEN OF IRK!"**_

Anjah staggered at those words, and dropped to her knees, trembling. She slowly unclasped the sonic veil, then removed her nega-mask, revealing the tearful face of yet another fugitive member of Irken royalty. The assassin bowed her head, then fell to her hands, choking out a fragmented sentence.

"All those years I spent searching, . . . I had turned my back on hope, . . . and yet, . . . you were still alive, . . . Mother . . ."

Anjah prostrated herself before the Queen, and began sobbing inconsolably. Kali removed her helmet, letting it slip from her fingers. She looked sadly at the female lying before her, and knelt down alongside.

"Purishnu, . . . my precious daughter."

**End Chapter 19**

**A/N: I try to make up words that seem to fit what I envision. _ Devika_ is supposed to be a martial arts practitioner, along the lines of karate-ka or judo-ka. Jah was stripped from _Shiva Nataraja_ (Shiva, Lord of the Dance), but I've added an "_h_" to the end of "ja_._" _Mahari_, however, is an actual Sanskrit word meaning "Divine Maiden."**

**In case anyone doesn't remember, Kali had three daughters [Naga, Varna, and Purishnu] which she mentioned in chapter 10.**

**As I mentioned earlier, when Tak and Kali first met, Kali had an inkling that Tak had royal blood by sniffing her antennae, and so sensed that Anjah was also a royal Irken by her scent.**

**Across the surface of Mars are many strange holes said to be "daylights", collapsed openings in lava tube. Many of them are conveniently circular, and certainly large enough to install one of the Cheelisian's launch tubes!**


End file.
